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Life here is still not going well
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 525442" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px">{{{Janet}}} I'm so sorry things continue to deteriorate at home with Tony. We were all hoping that once Buck was out, things would improve and you'd find your way to one another again. I suppose it's too optimistic to believe Buck will leave town....</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px">However, we also know that it doesn't matter if it's Buck, Cory, The Man on the Moon, or the neighbor - there will always be something that may or may not come between you at different times in your life together. Your foundation is what determines how you handle those times of crisis and it sounds like there is a crack in your and Tony's foundation. If you've done all you can within reason on your part to mend things between you and Tony, then it's time to just focus on you. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px">I totally understand what IC is talking about and she's right. But you said you've done that with Tony and it doesn't register with him, he doesn't recriprocate. One time (er. many times) in counseling I was saying how I didn't feel that H was expressive in his love of me enough. He turned disbelieving eyes on me and said, "I go to work everyday and work my ass off don't I? I come home every night for dinner and take you to your Dr appts when you need me to don't I?" and on he went. The counselor pointed out that in those ways, my H is expressing his love for me. She then asked H how he felt I expressed my love for him and he said, "She makes dinner every night, she listens to me vent about my work, and she does laundry and likes me even when I'm being a jerk"...sounds so simple doesn't? BAH! I could have hit him with a sledgehammer - what he said just made me so angry. When we fell in love it was about spending time together, going to hikes and bike rides, playing with the girls, making dinners together and sex. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px">The point is either each of you got lost along the way or each of your needs have changed and aren't what they used to be or you've each given up. Think about those things and decide what you want. Imagining you're sick is not a way out, Janet. You certainly do not want Tony sticking around merely to care for you as a sick lady, do you? No. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px">Go get that xray, why delay? Take care of you - let him sleep whereever the hell he wants and find other ways to occupy your time, feed your soul. I'm not familiar with your area, but from what you said it sounds like a fairly remote area, which will make it difficult to connect with others. But you do have the internet. You could do scrapbooking of all the places you've been or all the places you'd like to go; take up painting or calligraphy, or working with clay, learn to knit or crochet. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000cd"><span style="font-size: 10px">Hugs, Janet, this bites.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 525442, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#0000cd][SIZE=2]{{{Janet}}} I'm so sorry things continue to deteriorate at home with Tony. We were all hoping that once Buck was out, things would improve and you'd find your way to one another again. I suppose it's too optimistic to believe Buck will leave town.... However, we also know that it doesn't matter if it's Buck, Cory, The Man on the Moon, or the neighbor - there will always be something that may or may not come between you at different times in your life together. Your foundation is what determines how you handle those times of crisis and it sounds like there is a crack in your and Tony's foundation. If you've done all you can within reason on your part to mend things between you and Tony, then it's time to just focus on you. I totally understand what IC is talking about and she's right. But you said you've done that with Tony and it doesn't register with him, he doesn't recriprocate. One time (er. many times) in counseling I was saying how I didn't feel that H was expressive in his love of me enough. He turned disbelieving eyes on me and said, "I go to work everyday and work my ass off don't I? I come home every night for dinner and take you to your Dr appts when you need me to don't I?" and on he went. The counselor pointed out that in those ways, my H is expressing his love for me. She then asked H how he felt I expressed my love for him and he said, "She makes dinner every night, she listens to me vent about my work, and she does laundry and likes me even when I'm being a jerk"...sounds so simple doesn't? BAH! I could have hit him with a sledgehammer - what he said just made me so angry. When we fell in love it was about spending time together, going to hikes and bike rides, playing with the girls, making dinners together and sex. The point is either each of you got lost along the way or each of your needs have changed and aren't what they used to be or you've each given up. Think about those things and decide what you want. Imagining you're sick is not a way out, Janet. You certainly do not want Tony sticking around merely to care for you as a sick lady, do you? No. Go get that xray, why delay? Take care of you - let him sleep whereever the hell he wants and find other ways to occupy your time, feed your soul. I'm not familiar with your area, but from what you said it sounds like a fairly remote area, which will make it difficult to connect with others. But you do have the internet. You could do scrapbooking of all the places you've been or all the places you'd like to go; take up painting or calligraphy, or working with clay, learn to knit or crochet. Hugs, Janet, this bites.[/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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