Life is just getting to me.

[DammitJanet]

I am sorry if I havent been responding to as many posts as usual but its hard to be up right now. I think my mental health is just shot right now. Im having outbursts like I havent had in years.

In the last week alone I have taken a metal rod to a wall, started throwing everything I could get my hands on all over the room until difficult child and husband managed to pin me to the ground. Last night I got so ticked off at husband because he mouthed off at me and made a smart - donkey remark to me about the can opener. I finally got tired of listening to him complain about everything in his world, how he does everything and is so put upon that I threw the container of laundry detergent across the room which took everything on my island in the kitchen to the floor. I simply cannot contain my need to do something physical when I get angry.

I know some of this is all the stress due to Buck and the stress of having difficult child back home. We almost always have the baby now that he is here and Im not that into toddlers. She is also a major difficult child for a 2 year old. She doesnt sit still ever, she gets into everything and if you try to take something away from her she will either bite or scratch you...all the while screaming at the top of her lungs!

For some reason husband is in the worst mood himself and we are at each other constantly. He calls Buck on the phone and is all nicey nice but talking to me he is all snarky. I dont do well with that.

I keep threatening to burn down the house but since that is illegal I guess Im trying to dismantle it one piece of sheetrock at a time...sigh. I dont like feeling this way. I just want to be peaceful.

Then on top of all this, difficult child has been trying to sell his car on craigslist and everyone who has replied has been a scammer. Im glad I am screening those responses because he would probably fall for it.

I did just get a call from a guy whose wife is a MP in the Marines and he wants to come see it. Actually coming to see it is a good thing. The scammers all want to send you a certified check or money order and then have you pay to have it shipped. Idiots.

 

[helpangel]

(((hugs Janet)))

 

[recoveringenabler]

Sorry Janet, sending hugs and saying a prayer that life eases up some and offers you some peace and joy.

 

[Kathy813]

Janet, can't you list the car on a car buying/selling site? That is how we sold one of our cars. I would stay away from Craigslist completely.

~Kathy

 

[muttmeister]

Sorry you're having a bad time. I've kinda been in the same boat lately. Maybe we could run away together.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Sorry things are piling up Janet. I thought about you this morning. You are in my thoughts.

*Sharon

 

[Californiablonde]

I can empathize with you in the stress department. I hope you can get some relief soon. My thoughts are with you.

 

[dstc_99]

If you have a Carmax in the area they will generally buy them for a very reasonable price. Hope things get better soon.

 

[FlowerGarden]

Hugs to you Janet. I hope things get better soon.

 

[Hound dog]

(((hugs))) Janet

I think you just plain reached your limit. Period.

The whole Buck thing with husband acting like a donkey rear........and now even the mere thought of having him return was just too much. The last straw, so to speak.

And now you have difficult child and the little one there on top of the newest Buck drama.

Honestly, I think anyone would be going off under the same circumstances.

I dunno if you ever went to speak to that lawyer about the house/land issue and your leaving............if not, it is high time to do so.

I hope things get better soon.

 

[DammitJanet]

What car buying and selling sites? I will but I dont know what you are talking about. About carmax....I doubt they would want a 95 Dodge Ram. I got into it over the phone with a guy from carmax when I was looking for a car. I found one I loved but they wanted almost 4 thousand more than the car was worth. Their excuse was that they put so much money into a used car its worth that much more. I dont believe them. I did two car price things...Edmunds and NADA and actually Autotrader too and I pretty much know what they would have paid for the car and then it shows what the retail should be...not the private party but what a dealer should offer and it was almost 4K less. I basically told the man he was an idiot. He claimed well most of their sales are to repeat customers...I asked him how he got repeat customers when they were so unreasonable the first time!

 

[Liahona]

I can't post much when I'm having a hard time emotionally either. Your family has been pushing your buttons for awhile now. Those who should've been take care of you aren't and are making your situation worse. I'm surprised you haven't been throwing things earlier. I think I would've and I'm a fairly laid back person.

 

[DammitJanet]

Thanks guys. I knew you would understand. Thats why I need this place so badly to vent because I dont have anyone else but as you know, I was really tossed under the bus because I do post online. I am just really all alone because I dont have friends here close to me that I can talk to. When I pointed out that I was sure husband said some of the things I said on here to his friends he couldnt say he didnt. I asked him what was so different about me talking to my friends then? Well, it seems that when its talked about online it makes all the difference in the world. I have tried to explain so many times that this isnt something like facebook or myspace where millions of people can go and read what you write but that hasnt done any good.

I understand why this site isnt a closed site where you have to register to read anything but there are times I wish it was. Now I have to censor everything I say so I wont get into trouble. That makes things harder for me and that just makes it harder for me to get things off my chest. Thankfully neither husband or Buck are smart enough to get on here but others are not. Personally I dont give a rats behind what husband or Buck think though.

Maybe you can tell Im rather ticked off again now. I bought one of those superwave ovens that are counter top and use halogen, convection and something else to cook food and we just got into an argument over pouring the marinade over the frozen pork roast while its cooking. It says its perfectly fine to do so but evidently Im too stupid. Frozen food wouldnt absorb flavor. Well if you baste it with it while it cooks, the flavor would get into it. It would get into the food from just being in the container. I just dont understand how things cook evidently. Fine, I wont cook!

 

[pasajes4]

Carmax low balled me on what they would offer me on a car I wanted to sell. I sold it myself and got blue book on the car. I do not care for them not one tiny little bit.

 

[Jody]

Janet, I am sorry I didnt respond earlier. I hope you are feeling better or that relief comes soon. I understand the anger part and needing to do something physical. It's just being over stressed, we all handle it different. When I lived in the country as a young adult, I would go to salvation army and keep some plates on hand, so that I didnt tear up my belongings in the house. i'de throw them up against the cement part of the garage wall, it was made of some kind of cinder blocks. When I finally went to therapy and started getting help, the therapist said as long a no one else was getting hurt and i wasnt destroying anyone else's items then have at it. Just have them out ready to destroy. I continued to do this as long as I lived in the country and I noticed I did it less and less as I went to counseling and got new medicine. Hang in there, this doesnt last forever.

 

[lovemysons]

Thinking or you Janet.

Call me anytime.
Hugs,
LMS

 

[DammitJanet]

I did almost stop this completely when I was in therapy. I used to cut but I havent yet reverted back to that. I stopped doing that about a year into therapy. I wasnt one who cut deeply but I actually have the word HATE scratched into my right arm. You cant see it clearly unless I am sick which means my skin tends to get thinner and I get paler and it stands out more. Also getting tanned makes it stand out. I used strange things to cut like cat food lids, metal nail files, paper clips. Never actually used a knife or razor blade.

Its always I have to take it out on me or my stuff. I have never put so much as a dent when I rented.

 

[Lothlorien]

Sending hugs Janet. I can't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Sending lots of hugs and love your way... SFR

P.S. I also wish this site was more private but also, like you, understand why it isn't. I don't post much anymore because of this. When I do post, it's tough to share what's really going on/what I really want to say, when I don't want family to ever be able to recognize me. I wish there was some way to delete all of my older threads!

on the other hand, I'm not sure how I would have made it through the darkest times raising my difficult children without the support, wisdom, and knowledge of everyone here. I am grateful every single day that I found this site when I did!

Keeping you in my thoughts, hoping you feel better ASAP!!

 

[tiredmommy]

SFR~ you can request that runawaybunny remove your older threads if that will make you more comfortable about posting and contributing. Just send her a PM.