Life on a thread.

[Abbey]

A good friend of mine went to the doctor just three weeks ago because she was having constant headaches. Within 2 days she was diagnosed with brain cancer. She only left the hospital for one day since then...that was two days ago. She was let go to 'pass on.' She passed away yesterday. She left a husband and 3 young daughters.

I kept saying I was going to go see her but didn't. Busy with work, my own health issues, family life, etc. I just didn't think it would happen this fast. I couldn't really even talk with her after the first few days. She was having brain seizures and lost her ability to speak, then the ability to even do hand signs. I'm angry at myself for not taking the time.

Her funeral is Wednesday. I'm not sure if I'll attend. I'd rather remember the funny, loving person she was. I'm quite sure Jean is at peace now.

Abbey

 

[Andy]

I am so sorry! I have known two people who have passed from brain cancer. One was years ago, husband's co-worker and the second just last winter, a great guy from church who left behind a wife who has been struggling with cancer for 8 years and a 9 year old daughter.

I know how hard the decision to not go to the funeral is. I look at funerals as a support to the family. What if no one went to a funeral? What message would that send? It would be a lonely time for the family.

I think I would think about going but maybe not doing the viewing. I would make sure I let the family know what a special person she was and how much she will be missed. If the funeral service is done right, it will be a celebration of her life. You may hear a story or two from her family members during the testimony to add to your memories.

 

[Hound dog]

OMG! That was fast! I'm so very sorry for your loss Abbey. When it comes to cancer, those who don't have to linger on are blessed. She is at peace.

(((hugs)))

 

[donna723]

I'm so sorry that you lost your friend, Abbey. How very sad for her and her family. I will keep them in my prayers.

I do agree with Lisa though that sometimes those that go quickly are the lucky ones. A few years ago we got word that our former boss had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was a dear, sweet, kind man that we all thought the world of and the news hit us very hard. He had surgery and his family was told that with luck and lots of treatment he could probably make it another year or more. Of course it would be a year of constant pain and sickness, being in and out of the hospital, slowly getting worse and worse, going downhill until he died. A few days after his surgery he developed massive bleeding from the surgery site and he died. We were all surprised and sad to hear that he had passed away so quickly. But when we had time to think about it, we all felt that, for him and his family, it was so fortunate that he was spared from having to go through all that. I think that was his 'reward', as it may be with your friend. Sending lots of hugs, Abbey.

 

[Shari]

I'm so sorry, Ab. Gentle hugs.

 

[ML]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the family she left behind. Life is so short and gets hard because we get so bogged down with day to day stuff and demands. Whenever we can we need to just be aware of and focus on our blessings. Love and hugs, ML

 

[Abbey]

I don't know if they even had time to make arrangements. I suppose it is a blessing to go quickly but it's sure hard when that happens. I guess seizing the moment is a lesson learned for me.

She was a funny gal. She knew I liked to read and write, but she also knew that I didn't like poetry. I tend to over think every line. So, what does Jean do? She reads the most pathetic poetry every time I would visit. There would be kids running all over, toys everywhere and she's loudly shouting poetry to the disdain of all of us. Mamma STOP!!! Then we'd break down and laugh. I don't think I've ever heard a negative word come out of her mouth.

The family has a very strong church/friend support. I'm quite sure they'll be there for them. I just remember taking little Emmy back from fishing when all she did was play with the leaches. She walks through the door and says, "Mom! I caught a leach!!" (I won't even touch the things.)

This is Holly:

http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm203/Abbey888/Madison/DJ001.jpg

Little Emmy:

http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm203/Abbey888/Madison/Madison018.jpg

Leach time:
http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm203/Abbey888/Madison/Madison006.jpg

She did a wonderful job in raising her kids and being a loving wife. I hope she's looking down smiling.

Abbey

 

[ctmom05]

Abs -

Cancer sometimes takes folks away before we are ready for that to happen. I am very sorry for the loss you are enduring.

 

[KTMom91]

Gentle hugs and prayers going out to her family and to you.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. Sending hugs and prayers to you and her family.

 

[Suz]

Abbey, I've lost people quickly and slowly. Either way it's terrible- painful in different and devastating ways. I'm so sorry.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds like a great friend.

 

[Star*]

Abbey,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I think calling hours & funerals are for those that are able to attend. There are other ways to honor those that you loved and to let their families know. My sincerest sympathies dear.

Hugs & love

 

[witzend]

I'm sorry. Life really is tenuous, isn't it?

 

[hearts and roses]

{{{Abbey}}} I am so sorry you lost your friend. I think remembering her the way you enjoyed her is the way to go. Do what is right for your aching heart. She sounds like a lovely person. Hugs~

 

[Abbey]

In general, I avoid funerals. What I would rather do is keep contact with the family after the fact. I'm dreadfully sorry if they see this as a slight, but it makes me uncomfortable. I'd rather be the person you call a year later who needs a pick me up.

This is a really bad analogy, but maybe Linda could chime in. When I left Vegas I had my former customers and coworkers call me every day for the first 3 months. It was well intentioned, but it just made me more homesick than I already was. It was a daily reminder of what I left. It would have been better to have a call every month or so.

I can only imagine that when someone close to you passes you have this onslaught of well meaning people. Personally, I'd just want to shut the door and think, but give me a ring sometime in the future. I think of her husband and what he's going through right now...kids, planning the funeral, constant calls...I just put it out there that I'm available if needed. He was pretty blind-sided by this.

Yuck.

Abbey

 

[totoro]

I understand your last post.
My Mom's Mom died quickly of a brain tumor she was the only Grandma I was close to. I was only 9. Even then I think I knew I would have a harder time facing all of the people and the funeral.

So now what I remember of her is going to the SF Giants we went to. In her fur coat driving her bright red Caddy! Screaming in Portuguese!

 

[rejectedmom]

Abbey, I just wanted to send my sympathy to you for the loss of your friend. I understand your pain. (((HUGS))) -RM

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow, that IS fast.
What a shame. But at least she didn't suffer for months and months.
It's so hard when someone so young, with-a spouse and young children, dies suddenly. No time to plan.
The grieving will last a long time.
{{hugs}}