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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 116168" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Wyntersgrace as a veteran of many years of life skill training, I am still reminding difficult child to wear a clean shirt when he leaves the house or takes a shower. He is 23. </p><p></p><p>I used to have a check list but as teens it becomes a trigger for them.</p><p></p><p>If you have any time to have a conversation with her without the emotional outbursts, it would be appropriate to ask her if she thinks a check list in her bathroom or the door she uses to leave for school would help her. </p><p></p><p>My sweet son who is a major difficult child couldn't make change. I realized how crippling this was when returning from buying milk, I asked if he had trouble. He said he realized if he gave them more than they asked he would get change!!!! He was 15. He was absolutely crippled in developing independence because he was anxious to look "stupid" and not know how much money or if he had enough. We got him a check card. He could go to the movies or buy something without all that anxiety. It pushed the limits and made his world bigger and him more confident. Now there are down sides to that on a more practical level but I was helping towards independence so we would work on the down sides.</p><p>Driving was another leap forward in independence. </p><p>GPS is an absolute godsend in reducing his anxiety of being lost and his tool towards exploring. He knows more of N.C. than I because he has entered addresses for where he wants to go. </p><p>He has flown alone and can navigate La Guardia airport on a regular basis. It started slow and has grown. </p><p></p><p>I used keeping as close to his peer group with independence skills as possible as my unit of measure. He wasn't going to a 4 yr college but his peers were. We worked on him getting away from home into a structured setting as a goal. Driving was not a topic of interest since I drove him everywhere. We nudged him towards that goal because that was what his peers were doing. </p><p></p><p>Did you do laundry at 13? then you may want to work on that skill. I didn't so it wasn't a biggie for me. Learning to do dishes and clean my room were skills that I worked on. Neither easy child or difficult child seem too inclined but I know, just as I did that when it's their own home it will improve. </p><p></p><p>Look at what your child needs. Talk to them about your concerns. Ask what you can do. Make some suggestions. Try to get them to be part of the problem solving. If they are too difficult child about it, then you have to make a parenting decision about how best to go about the steps towards independence. </p><p></p><p>In the heat of battle at difficult child's worst, I told him that it was ok if he didn't love me. My job was to raise him to be a good, moral, functioning adult with the ability to live the life he wants. If at the end he loved me that was gravy but not my goal.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 116168, member: 3"] Wyntersgrace as a veteran of many years of life skill training, I am still reminding difficult child to wear a clean shirt when he leaves the house or takes a shower. He is 23. I used to have a check list but as teens it becomes a trigger for them. If you have any time to have a conversation with her without the emotional outbursts, it would be appropriate to ask her if she thinks a check list in her bathroom or the door she uses to leave for school would help her. My sweet son who is a major difficult child couldn't make change. I realized how crippling this was when returning from buying milk, I asked if he had trouble. He said he realized if he gave them more than they asked he would get change!!!! He was 15. He was absolutely crippled in developing independence because he was anxious to look "stupid" and not know how much money or if he had enough. We got him a check card. He could go to the movies or buy something without all that anxiety. It pushed the limits and made his world bigger and him more confident. Now there are down sides to that on a more practical level but I was helping towards independence so we would work on the down sides. Driving was another leap forward in independence. GPS is an absolute godsend in reducing his anxiety of being lost and his tool towards exploring. He knows more of N.C. than I because he has entered addresses for where he wants to go. He has flown alone and can navigate La Guardia airport on a regular basis. It started slow and has grown. I used keeping as close to his peer group with independence skills as possible as my unit of measure. He wasn't going to a 4 yr college but his peers were. We worked on him getting away from home into a structured setting as a goal. Driving was not a topic of interest since I drove him everywhere. We nudged him towards that goal because that was what his peers were doing. Did you do laundry at 13? then you may want to work on that skill. I didn't so it wasn't a biggie for me. Learning to do dishes and clean my room were skills that I worked on. Neither easy child or difficult child seem too inclined but I know, just as I did that when it's their own home it will improve. Look at what your child needs. Talk to them about your concerns. Ask what you can do. Make some suggestions. Try to get them to be part of the problem solving. If they are too difficult child about it, then you have to make a parenting decision about how best to go about the steps towards independence. In the heat of battle at difficult child's worst, I told him that it was ok if he didn't love me. My job was to raise him to be a good, moral, functioning adult with the ability to live the life he wants. If at the end he loved me that was gravy but not my goal. [/QUOTE]
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