Lightbulbmoment

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, Mar 3, 2007.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Last night my sisterinlaw and her hubby popped over for a visit...something which is rare which put me on guard immediately...good thing too. As soon as my youngest was in bed and the baby was cuddled up on the couch sleeping, she got into her reason for the visit...

    First, you should know this woman and I have never seen eye to eye but we are cordial....and she drinks al Occupational Therapist (OT) so they had brought beer with them.

    Anyway...the reason it turned out was to let me know how much of a disappointment I was as a parent....she told me that I should have seen the signs, what was my problem, the other kids needed to be removed from my home, that my daughter needed braces and they would do it because I don't have any way to pay for it...it went on and on and on..

    And my husband never once defended me...in fact, he said don't mind, she's drunk...

    I held my tongue....until she was done...told her that daughter is on a waiting list for braces, that gfgd is in a safe place getting her life straightned out, that I am a good mom and love my kids very much....bottom line I told her....I no longer blame myself and you are not going to do that either. I am a good mom and I do love my kids regardless of what anyone says/thinks. Your opinion is your opinion....and I left it at that.

    I asked her husband to take her home as it was now past midnight and she wasn't about to get what she wanted....me in tears saying shw was right and I am a rotten mom...

    It was a lightbulb moment for me....I am not to blame for all my kids problems...I take responsibility for the mistakes I've made but will no longer apologize for them. I am a good person... :salute:
     
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Good for you!!!!!!!!!! Not only that you had that "moment" but that you didn't rise (or sink) to her bait. Actually I had to laugh when I read your post. Yeah, I'm going to sit here all drunk and sloppy and tell someone how they screwed up their kids. Uh huh...THAT makes an impression. :rolleyes:


    So here's to you! :bravo:
     
  3. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    :bravo: Way To Go. Living with blame and guilt being shoveled onto you by uninvolved people is something you can live without. You did a great job.
     
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    :warrior: I'm glad you've reached this point, you <u>are</u> a good mother.
     
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I am not to blame for all my kids problems...I take responsibility for the mistakes I've made but will no longer apologize for them. I am a good person </div></div>

    :bravo: :bravo: :bravo:

    You go, girl!

    Suz
     
  6. Ally

    Ally New Member

    How DARE she come into your house and judge you like that!!! You dealt with the situation very well, I cant say that I would have been so good about it.

    Ally
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :warrior:

    Way to go warrior Mom! You are a good Mom!

    hugs
     
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Good for you!!!! You should have showed her the door and told her not to come back. I can't believe someone would have the guts to come over to your home and tell you what they think of your parenting. Does she have any children herself???? If she does, I bet you right now they are complete angels, right? I have a sister inlaw like that who never said anything to my face, but treated my difficult child like dirt when he was little and would make comments to her kids to stay away from him, and now her perfect child is in worse shape then mine but in her case, I do belive it is because of her "wonderful parenting" She chose what she ate, what she drank, what she wore and how she wore her hair from the day she was born until she hit highschool. Now her daughter is an anorexic bulemic, who shaves her head and wears the weirdest clothes I have ever seen in my life. People really need to be careful how they see other people and their parenting skills.
     
  9. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Unfortunately, her two girls are wonderful. One is a track star ontario-wide and on the honor roll in high school and the other, at 17, is in her first year of university having won several scholarships. But none of this is due to her, believe me.

    I can remember countless times her daughters, even when small, putting their drunk mother to bed at 3am after she'd smashed the game console because she lost. She would sit up all night drinking, swearing and playing video games....and get up the next morning and wonder what had happened and go off to work like normal....and start all over when she came in the door that night.

    The dad is good but developed a habit when the girls were around 6...worked 18 hour days seven days a week and slept in the den...made sure the bills were paid and food in the house but that's about it...

    Those girls raised themselves....and I tell them all the time how proud I am of them....

    I haven't ever attacked her as a parent, not my place to judge....but watching her make an idiot of herself is fun..lol

    Carolanne
     
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Carolanne, She sounds like a judgemental idiot who focuses on others problems rather than deal with her own. She is a typical difficult child if you ask me. I'm glad you stood up to her. -RM
     
  11. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Good for you for not getting baited and having a hissy fit. :warrior:

    You done Good! :smile:
     
  12. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    I am slowly learning that hissy fits and swearing and being a total smuck myself always comes back to bite me on the bottom. Who says you can't teach old dogs new tricks? :wink:

    Caroanne
     
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