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Like I don't have enough bile on my plate...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 371308" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so very sorry that you keep having to deal with this. If it wouldn't drive you up the wall, your mom's suggestion used to be a very effective way to keep Wiz from doing certain things. But he was younger and it was VERY hard on me, largely because he mouth never ever stopped moving and was hard to tune out.</p><p> </p><p>While I have no problems with an adult having a "stash" of porn, when you have a child with as much of a problem with porn as difficult child 1 then you must make sure there is none of it in the house, period. It isn't fair, but neither is life. </p><p> </p><p>While I realize this is anxiety related, you still have to stop it because it will color his expectations of relationships, esp with females. Do you think that it is time to go through his room and eliminate hiding places such as under the bed, between mattress and box springs, etc...? Simplify his possessions greatly and then at night do a quick check to make sure his room is free of porn, video games, cell phone, tv, etc... and put an alarm up that will sound if he leaves his room? Not permanently, but until he pays off his debts? </p><p> </p><p>One thing advised in love and logic is that if the child owes money to pawn some of their stuff. Why not take the gameboy and games, and/or the cell phone, to the pawn shop. The bills must be paid, soon, and if difficult child 1 wants them back he can work to earn the $$ to get them out of pawn (he would have either 90 or 120 days but he would have to pay interest at about 10% per month).Even when he redeemed the items they would still be able to be confiscated and/or limited because legally he cannot own them as he is a minor. You or husband would have to pawn the items, but make him keep track of the paperwork. </p><p> </p><p>This would maybe put an end to his running up bills that the family has to cover while he takes his time earning the money by doing chores around the house. He could even offer to do odd jobs for the neighbors if you don't have enough work or the inclination to supervise his work, or if he is doing such a bad job with the work that it isn't worth your effort to supervise him.</p><p> </p><p>He has done this quite a few times and does not seem to be learning that it is theft and not okay. He figures you will just add it to the other sums he owes you and work it off when he wants. Pawning his electronics will help him see that it is an IMMEDIATE problem and must be paid IMMEDIATELY, regardless of his bank account. It is a real world lesson, and a very natural consequence. </p><p> </p><p>If he decides he does not want to redeem the items, he can do without the freedom to go with friends (because he cannot be reached easily) and without the privilege of borrowing a siblings gameboy or whatever.</p><p> </p><p>At this point I think you can see that he isn't likely to stop using this as a crutch to ease his anxiety without something changing. I think pawning his items would teach him far more about the real consequences of this type of financial crime than clearing his room and searching for porn and using the alarm. It is also far less work and worry for you and husband. </p><p> </p><p>If he has money in the bank from birthday or gifts, or college savings, I would NOT allow him to pay the bills with it unless he is willing to pay extra or even double. Many tdocs have advised us that this lets them off the hook too easily. If they have to work to earn the money they learn a LOT more, esp if as they work they are with-o items like gameboys, etc... </p><p> </p><p>Pick whatever consequence involves the least amount of stress for you and husband. Things are hard enough right now for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 371308, member: 1233"] I am so very sorry that you keep having to deal with this. If it wouldn't drive you up the wall, your mom's suggestion used to be a very effective way to keep Wiz from doing certain things. But he was younger and it was VERY hard on me, largely because he mouth never ever stopped moving and was hard to tune out. While I have no problems with an adult having a "stash" of porn, when you have a child with as much of a problem with porn as difficult child 1 then you must make sure there is none of it in the house, period. It isn't fair, but neither is life. While I realize this is anxiety related, you still have to stop it because it will color his expectations of relationships, esp with females. Do you think that it is time to go through his room and eliminate hiding places such as under the bed, between mattress and box springs, etc...? Simplify his possessions greatly and then at night do a quick check to make sure his room is free of porn, video games, cell phone, tv, etc... and put an alarm up that will sound if he leaves his room? Not permanently, but until he pays off his debts? One thing advised in love and logic is that if the child owes money to pawn some of their stuff. Why not take the gameboy and games, and/or the cell phone, to the pawn shop. The bills must be paid, soon, and if difficult child 1 wants them back he can work to earn the $$ to get them out of pawn (he would have either 90 or 120 days but he would have to pay interest at about 10% per month).Even when he redeemed the items they would still be able to be confiscated and/or limited because legally he cannot own them as he is a minor. You or husband would have to pawn the items, but make him keep track of the paperwork. This would maybe put an end to his running up bills that the family has to cover while he takes his time earning the money by doing chores around the house. He could even offer to do odd jobs for the neighbors if you don't have enough work or the inclination to supervise his work, or if he is doing such a bad job with the work that it isn't worth your effort to supervise him. He has done this quite a few times and does not seem to be learning that it is theft and not okay. He figures you will just add it to the other sums he owes you and work it off when he wants. Pawning his electronics will help him see that it is an IMMEDIATE problem and must be paid IMMEDIATELY, regardless of his bank account. It is a real world lesson, and a very natural consequence. If he decides he does not want to redeem the items, he can do without the freedom to go with friends (because he cannot be reached easily) and without the privilege of borrowing a siblings gameboy or whatever. At this point I think you can see that he isn't likely to stop using this as a crutch to ease his anxiety without something changing. I think pawning his items would teach him far more about the real consequences of this type of financial crime than clearing his room and searching for porn and using the alarm. It is also far less work and worry for you and husband. If he has money in the bank from birthday or gifts, or college savings, I would NOT allow him to pay the bills with it unless he is willing to pay extra or even double. Many tdocs have advised us that this lets them off the hook too easily. If they have to work to earn the money they learn a LOT more, esp if as they work they are with-o items like gameboys, etc... Pick whatever consequence involves the least amount of stress for you and husband. Things are hard enough right now for you. [/QUOTE]
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