Little birthday vent here.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Mar 20, 2008.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    husband and I have a very close group of friends. There are 9 of us and nearly every other day we are at one of their houses. We play poker, trivia, WII...just sit and chat. We've known them all for 6 years. Probably the best friends I've ever had.

    Whenever someone's birthday comes around, we of course all get together and celebrate. Sometimes it's just everyone coming together, sometimes it's a big party.

    Probably one of the best is a few years ago I arranged a surprise party for husband. There were 120 expected guests...had the plan to get him out of the house so I could prepare. What does he do first thing in the morning? Start building an entertainment center in my LIVINGROOM!!!! (It still sits unfinished 5 years later.) I've got saw dust everywhere...wood, nails, drills, yadda. I finally had to confess to him what was going on and made him clean up and move it into the garage.

    Not ONCE since we've been here has husband done anything for my birthday. Nada. I have our friends calling me today asking what is going to go on, but you don't arrange your own birthday party. That is husband's responsibility.

    So, I sit here another year cleaning house, doing laundry, etc. I don't expect gifts, just maybe an evening with our friends playing board games. I just find him so insensitive to this. It's almost that I dread my birthday coming around because he doesn't seem to care about doing anything special.

    Ok...I'll go back to my pity party.

  2. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Aw Abbey I'm so sorry he's like that. It's not nice at all and no, you should not have to plan it at all! Men can be so unthinking when it comes to things like this. You know though, here's a thought for you (not that you need to be doing this like you said). What if you put the bug in a little birdies ear (no not one of your fine little feathered friends in your house either! lol) that keep calling you to find out what's going on and say:

    "Nothing that I KNOW of. husband has never planned anything for me in such and such years. I'd be SHOCKED if he did so this year.Do YOU know something I don't know? Did YOU plan something with him this year for a change?" LOL

    Don't know if it will work but geesh, if they are all sitting around with you and husband for all that amount of time you'd think that one of them would have come up with a brilliant idea to do something or even suggest it to husband. No?
    (hugs) and HAPPY birthday!

  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hey {{{Abbey}}}!!! Happy Birthday!!! I agree with what Tia said - Even if for this year it turns into an impromptu celebration, it's still nice.

    And I wanted to let you know that I feel you - I know exactly what you mean. I once planned a party for H's birthday, he found out and called it off with everyone before I could even get it off the ground. And because he doesn't like those things, I have to live without one as well. What a dud.

    If telling a little birdie doesn't help, why don't you say something to him, after your birthday passes? Just ask him why he's never thought to throw you a party or even plan an evening with your friends? He's obviously never thought of it on his own so he must need a kick in the rear.

    I hope something special happens for your birthday!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Happy Birthday Abbey!!!!!!!

    I am sorry your husband hasn't planned something. I know I have to be very very specific with my husband on this kind of thing. He turned 50 this year and didn't want ANY kind of party - even asked me NOT to send a cake to work. IT was good, because it was only a month after surgery and I wasn't up to anything, but I still would have tried.

    I really have to be point blank. Guys are strange about this stuff.


  5. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I think that would annoy me too. Sending vibes to the clueless husband that he will do something nice this year.
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Well your clueless and my clueless could get together and be clueless together. I don't know why they don't get it but alas they are programmed different. I know it doesn't help but what can you do? Sending hugs that one day someone will do something for you.

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I also understand. My husband is a wonderful, kind, supportive man who has to be "led" to remember anything that is unnecessary. It doesn't make me sad.......but it does disappoint me if I think of it too much. Hugs. DDD
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    That really stinks!!!!
    I am so sorry!

    Happy birthday from us though! You know if we were there, we would rock your birthday from sun-up to sun-down!
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    ABBEY YOU SO ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    BRING ON THE TRIVIAL PURSUIT (a game describing my life)

    I agree with D3 - sometimes men have to be led. Whether you do it with words or by a hook in their nose - led just the same.

  10. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Thanks guys. I'm just tired of leading after all these years.

    I did get a big, beautiful flower arrangement from my daughter. I almost feel bad as she is the starving college student.

    Another year down.