Little Cherub's mum rings...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by therese005us, Jun 11, 2009.

  1. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    Well, yesterday bio mum rang (remember little cherub went home?) and told me that she went into the bathroom and caught little cherub touching the 18mo baby girl ..... inappropriately.
    My first question was 'how did you react?' to whcih she answered that she told her to stop that, and if she ever caught her doing that again... etc.
    My first reaction was... right then, you have to set some rules. The children should not be bathing together, closed doors for privacy, (not locked) modesty ++++ that includes going to the toilet (when I had her little brother here, he wanted to go in and watch, it was more of a playground than a private place for doing what you ahve to do)

    Anyway, mum wants ME to talk to her. Cherub told mum that daddy showed her what to do, mum reacted by telling her never to say or repeat that again! Raises questions??

    I also suggested she diarise what happened, and our conversation and speak to her support worker.
    Support worker has told her that she will arrange some art therapy to see if there is anything revealed. Interesting idea, except the little cherub can barely draw a stick man!

    I thought when I talk to her I would make sure another witness is there, or record the conversation....

    How come I always get the hard tasks.
    I'm picking her up for the weekend on Saturday.
    Thought I might also make sure I raise it at the paediatrician on Monday, regardless of the outcome, and especially if she mentions her dad in this again..... what does anyone think?
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Heck, I'd do a lot more than talk to her about sexual inappropriateness. Has this child been sexually abused? Most kids who act out that way have been. I'd wonder about Mom and maybe some of her boyfriends. And, yeah, Mom needs to keep a close eye on her and not leave her alone with the other kid, let alone let her bathe with her.
    Be sure to tell your own kids about her inappropriate sexual acting out. They are older than her, and probably stronger, but they still need to be on guard.
     
  3. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    Yes, I think she has been. Mum suspected something, and took her to the doctor.... but I really think she's turning a blind eye to what is going on...and 'over reacting' to make herself look better.
    Thanks for the tip about warning my children because I hadn't thought of that myself...
    I'm afraid that there might be a ring of truth in suspecting the father, because of other things I already know....
    Boy, I'm not in the mood for all this extra stress at the moment, my asthma is already exacerbated to hospital admission level!
     
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I must say--that's pretty disturbing. Cherub knows just how to treat the baby because Daddy showed her what to do??????

    I would definitely want to get a therapist involved--one that is skilled in getting small children to talk about ( or re-enact) these things so that Protective Services can intervene.

    Hopefully you can get tot he bottom of this--and FAST!

    --DaisyF
     
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Definitely talk to the pediatrician, and also diarise the phone call yourself. The mother does sound like she "protesteth too much" over "don't ever tell anyone that again". A worry, you should never say that to a child in this situation. It should never be about covering it up, instead it should be about learning what is safe and what is not.

    Considering what Little Cherub is going through, some sort of inappropriate touching or exploring could well be 'normal' under the circumstances. of course it's not good to allow it to continue, for her sake and the other kids', but she certainly shouldn't be made to think it's a punishment issue, or she will bury all info about it.

    The mother really sounds like she can't cope on any emotional level, either with her daughter's encopresis or the possibility of abuse.

    At least she rang you to let you know.

    WHat a mess for you. And for her. Poor darling, no wonder everything is so confusing for her.

    Marg
     
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Well, to play the devil's advocate here....is there any chance that the cherub was touching in an appropriate manner but not at the right time? Could Dad have shown her, for example, this is how you clean the baby when you change her diaper? Based on what I have heard here about biomom, I just can't help but wonder if it wasn't something innocent that BM went off about. I would want to find out EXACTLY what this girl was doing and then take it from there.

    Obviously, if it wasn't complete innocence, she needs to be watched and treated. And you mentioned that there were suspicions previously so it's not like I'm discounting this at all. I hope the therapy mentioned will get the truth out so something can be done if need be.
     
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I was wondering the same thing that Mustang brought up.

    I'm also wondering if there IS abuse, could this be causing the encopresis?

    Curiouser and curouser...

    They need to keep a tight watch on this lil' one and YOU need to keep a tight watch on the asthma - you won't be any good to anyone if you're not BREATHING!!! ;)

    Feel better!

    Beth
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My state actually tells what to do in a situation like this. It is on brochures they hand out at events and have on the counters of all the school districts.

    If you know a child has been sexually assaulted or abused, call the hotline.

    If you know a child has been abused in any other way, call the hotline.

    If you think a child has been abused or assaulted in ANY way, call the hotline.

    It is your job to make sure she is interviewed appropriately and that steps are taken to help both the prosecution AND the child.

    It is NOT up to you (every adult is a mandated reporter in my state) to figure out if abuse or neglect is happening. It is your job to REPORT it so that people who are trained in figuring this stuff out can begin to gather facts and give help in any way it is needed.

    If you suspect abuse, then call. It is that simple. You are NOT accusing anyone, you just have info from this child that leaves you to wonder. And you have the videos to back you up.

    It just isn't your job to find the answer - it is your job to identify the problem.

    I am so very very sorry.
     
  9. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    AND RINGS, AND RINGS, again!!

    thanks everyone for your support.
    Susiestar... yes, you're exactly right! And the paediatrician is also on the Child Protection Team which is associated with the Dept of childrens, so Mondays is D day... I will have lots of time to figure out exactly how to approach this. Right now, I am in the business of keeping the little cherub safe, and I'm picking her up tomorrow afternoon. If I do anything too fast, mum knows the ropes, she abscond and be underground before I know it.

    Today she rang (several times actually) and said that cherub locked herself in a toilet at school and the teacher had tried for an hour to get her out, so rang the mum. why teachers didn't break the door down I don't know. I thought all the toilets were openable from the outside. Anyway, she is convinced the school is not doing enough etc. rant, rant... so has already started to make arrangements to sign her over to me for a year... I'm going to be discussing all t his at the appointment on Monday....

    Well, it's late, it's cold. That's just a little update.

    Have a good weekend everyone. And please feel free tokeep making suggestions.
     
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