little escape right now

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by change, Oct 16, 2008.

  1. change

    change New Member

    Hey friends,

    I'm just indulging in a little selfish venting escape right now. Thanks for listening. I have about 5 minutes. Yesterday after my last class left I turned on my cell phone to messages from teachers about my daughter's out-of-control behavior and some e-mails too. Long story short, she's been acting out for the few weeks. We took her out of her fine arts academy too as of yesterday (my painful decision) after much deliberation and I'm grieving the loss of that dream too. I'm sure she is as well, however it's just almost too much to bear. On top of that, the anniversary of the dreaded incident is around the corner and there are reminders everywhere. It's bad enough that the poor thing is cursed with looking like a twin of her brother. Lots of people always made and still make comments like "just add long hair and to him and they would be twins!". My heart is about to explode. I don't know what to do. I'm barely eating on some days and I need to pay more "attention" to my husband.

    Got to go, couple of minutes til my next class...
     
  2. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    I'm so sorry about the loss of the dream but at a later date difficult child may revisit that dream. I always figured take care of first things first then move on to the next important step.
    Sounds like she is just in a bad place.
    I apologize but I don't know or maybe don't remember your story with the children. I'm old and can't remember a lot of things lately.

    Do take care of yourself and your married life. It's so important because if you sink the whole ship sinks. Schedule yourself some down time. Force yourself out on a date with husband. If possible make reservations someplace to stay overnight. Doesn't have to be pricey. Dinner and someplace away from phones, home, difficult child's and life in general. Works wonders to stay in a cocoon for a while to recharge.
     
  3. change

    change New Member

    Long story short: Daughter violently sexually attacked by bio-brother, one year older than her. Both were adopted. This happened in our home. We recently finished a court case relinquishing custody. I feel a ton of guilt over it all. Husband seems to be doing great compared to me...thank God. Daughter was always more normal than he but still a little difficult child. She is now WAY difficult child ever since about 3 years of domestic violence and mind control by brother. A lot of it we were suspicious of but didn't know about and she wouldn't tell no matter what we asked because he had her under threat. She also really loved him and still probably does.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, I forgot your history. Is she seeing somebody who specializes in sexual assault? It takes a special therapist to help these poor kids.
    And are you seeing somebody? You have also gone through so much!
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. This is really rough to go through. Please make sure she is seeing someone who specializes in sexual abuse therapy. She may even benefit from group therapy along with individual therapy. I found that combo to be what worked for me.

    I hope you are in therapy too. It is important for you to take care of yourself, and of your marriage. A wise counsellor told me to think of the marriage like another family member - nurture it, schedule it into the calendar, make it a priority, don't let the kid activities and problems push it out of the way (except for emergencies!). Maybe that mindset would help you?

    Sending big, gentle hugs. Will also send a PM.
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry she is hurting and struggling so and you to right now. Sending prayers of healing and gentle hugs your way.
     
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with the other posters. As this annivesary approaches, it is even more important that your daughter have someone to talk to who understands and deals with sexual abuse within families.

    She is officially diagnosis'd with PTSD - my hunch is that you and husband are undx'd with it.

    Take care of yourself, take care husband, resolve the guilt.

    Sharon
     
  8. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Hugs form me too. This is a very tough thing. I too would suggest you all get in to talk to someone. Best wishes.
     
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