little update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, May 4, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    So my son came by yesterday to get some of his stuff....the place he is staying sounds like a pretty bad situation. The dad called me the other night to check in which was good BUT a lot of what he told me sent alarm bells ringing...not about my son but about what goes on in that house over there.

    I like my sons girlfriend and she is open with me. She is not a drug use and told him she is gone if he starts using again. So they are looking at an apartment. It is not in a great place but it is the only place they could possibly afford. I told them I would help them get in there (ie pay first/last month rent) but I would expect to get the last month back when they are in their last month! I would not pay any monthly expenses and I would not co sign a lease and I will not give my so cash. They both are working so hopefully they will manage the rent etc. I did ask them if they are really ready to live together. I doubt they are to be honest but I also don't think their current situation is a good one.

    I feel good about this balance because my son is not demanding anything, he is accepting easily what I will give and what i won't and I do want to help them get out of where they are at.

    My daughter has plans for Sat night so I inivited them over for dinner.... and they accepted. Good food counts for a lot. :) We will see how that goes.
     
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Sounds very positive toughlovin. And I am really liking your difficult children girlfriend. How in the world did he find her?

    Hope your dinner saturday goes well.
    Thinking of you,
    Tammy
     
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    tl,

    It's a tough call. On one hand you don't want them to come home to live with you, you know they don't have any way to get 1st, last, security because they just can't seem to ever put back any money even if they did save everything they had - because that would almost mean living with you - and then there is utilities/deposits to manage, so the places they can afford are on THAT end of town, which leads to THAT kind of company - but sometimes I think we as parents may be a little too harsh to judge THAT kind of company. I just don't know.

    It may be that where they are isn't ideal in our minds, but for two kids starting out? It's okay. When Dude got where his BD was? I was trying to figure where he was going to stay knowing it wouldn't ever work with them lviing together, nor would it last with him staying with relatives - they aren't the accomodating sort. I was right on both counts. The area he was able to find lodging in was the absolute worst in the entire town. Then he was homeless and I was actually more relieved he was homeless than living where he was. (another rock and a hard place). Now since BD has gone to jail he's managed to take over that ramshackled place and split costs, but is moving or has moved - not sure.

    I hope it works out for your son & girlfriend. Just the fact that he has someone and she's not into drugs, and they want to come to dinner seems like a step in the right direction towards normal. I'm happy for him. I know it sounds like a cop out - but when Dude had a nice girl? His entire attitude changed; even for a while - he wanted to get a job, go to school, clean up his life. Even though his thoughts were all for her (wrong reasons) he WAS thinking about doing things for the first time for GOOD. And to me - it was baby steps in the right direction. They of course split up - and he went through depression - but now he has another girl and he seems back on track still talking about school et al. I'm surprised because this time - he;s not saying it's for her - he wants these things for himself. So fingers crossed for your son too. One day I'd like to think we can all breathe about our kids without it feeling like we have on a one too small size corsett.

    Hugs
     
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Starting out on your own can be rough, even on pcs. easy child and sister in law moved in with his bro and girlfriend at first. All 4 shared rent and utilities. It was the only way any of them could come up with 1st and last months rent and all the deposits for the utilities ect. Lasted only 6 months (month to month lease). easy child and sister in law couldn't stand his bro's girlfriend (and now wife), she drove them nuts. lol So once the lease was up......by then they put back enough to get their own place.

    I hope girlfriend is a good influence on him. And I hope he's doing these things as much for himself as for her.

    Hugs
     
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hey

    how did dinner go??? and i give you alot of credit about the detatching thing...
     
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