Hi friends. It's been a while so I figured I'd give a little update. I believe the last time I posted I was planning on going "no contact" with difficult child. I tried but it didn't last long. I know, I'm weak sometimes. Something I need to work on. I did, however, greatly limit my contact with him. I would only take calls here and there and at night put on my "Do Not Disturb", but the last week or so I've somehow allowed him to creep back into my daily life. It's almost like falling off the wagon. Ugggggh! difficult child is still on the streets. He was living in a tent and then an abandoned gas station. He has the option to get shelter but doesn't want to go. It's about to get seriously cold here and he has no plans to get off the streets. Not sure if he's taking medications but I know he's constantly posting things on FB about killing himself. So pretty much nothing has changed. He text me this morning to tell me he and his "crew" - another homeless guy and his girlfriend - were in the next town over visiting difficult child's aunt. He said he took the train to our town and walked there. Great - so he was right near our house at some point this morning. That alone is enough to make me panic. I want him NOWHERE near my home! I told him to make sure he doesn't not come to the house because it will be a huge problem. Both my husband and I are upset that he makes no effort to get himself off the streets and he's not welcome in our home until he gets some serious help. Especially after everything that has happened in the past. He text me back with a whole bunch of nasty BS. How he doesn't need us or our help and that we need the help more than he does, etc. Sound familiar?? I'm having a small panic attack because I hate confrontation but I'm more angry than anything. I'm angry at myself for allowing him back into my life enough to have to deal with yet another one of his rages and I'm angry at him for doing nothing to help himself and then trying to make ME feel like a failure. Same old cycle. Same roller coaster. Same s**t different day. As for me, in spite of the above ^^ I'm actually doing ok. I've been super stressed the last week or so but I'm trying to redirect myself and take it day by day. The holidays are coming up and I (like most of us here) stress big time over that. This year husband, easy child, and I will be away for Thanksgiving but I'm already worried about Christmas. I know difficult child will want to come for Christmas but it's more than likely that's not going to happen. Anyway, let's see - I'm still at my job (we were supposed to close in Sept but we're here now until Dec) and I've been doing some freelance on the side. I've also been making some crafts that I enjoy making and selling those. I've been eating healthy and have lost 10 lbs this month. Tomorrow is my 38th birthday and I'm actually excited about that. Friend's of ours are having a big costume party so we'll go celebrate there. husband and I are going to be hippies and easy child will be a zombie. easy child is mostly doing well. He's going through some typical teen stuff but we're dealing. I hope everyone here is well. I always read and follow along with everyone's stories but lately I seldom have the mental strength to post much. However, please know that I always keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!