Live and Let Live...Easier said than done...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Carri, Mar 22, 2014.

  1. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    My 29 year old son walked away from his court ordered rehab mid November which means he is now facing 3 1/2 years in prison when he's picked up. I was devastated when I learned he walked out, not knowing where he was? And he was doing so well? what happened? Addiction happened. My circular thinking was out of control. After a few months, I was finally doing better with acceptance of the unknown. Then a month ago, I got a call from him to hear that he's in Hollywood, living in a car (he doesn't even have a drivers license), back to heroin and meth. At this point I just hope he gets arrested before he overdoses. I went to see him a week after he called me and it was so sad. Thin, nodding off, an empty look in his eyes. I honestly think the unknown was easier than knowing. He's been through countless rehabs, detox centers, sober livings, jail a half dozen times, but each new "low" proves to be equally hard for me. The son I knew, left me 10 years ago. Somehow, I manage to go to work everyday and act as if life is ok, but my son is on my mind all the time, wondering what's next. Will I hear from him? Has he been picked up? Has he OD'd? How did he get a car and a phone without money? I try to remember to pray, to snap myself out of it and that helps. Alanon, naranon and Im a member of AA myself so I'm doing all I can do. I was happy to find this support group to read other parents shares.

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  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh it is very hard...... and you are right there is nothing you can do but to wait and hope and pray. I am thinking of you.


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  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Carri. It is so "blankin'" hard to grasp that our sons/daughters have opted for such a terrible lifestyle. Many of us know your heartbreak and many others live in fear that the next step will lead to where you are..and where others have traveled. Sending caring hugs. DDD
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You are doing all you can, trust me.

    Your type of post would get more traction in Parent Emeritus where most of us have walked or are walking your path. There are some wonderful, insightful members who post mostly there. I welcome you to join us there as well as continuing to post here. Many of us use both forums.

    The majority of people in paernt emeritus are well acquainted with twelve step programs!!!!

    I'm so sorry for your hurting mommy heart.
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello and welcome. You have found a wonderful place for support and understanding. My 28-year-old daughter is in a similar place. She has recently relapsed after doing well for almost a year after a 3-month residential treatment program.

    The CD board has been a vital source of support in my darkest moments. I am also seeing a therapist to help me set boundaries and my husband and I recently started going to a Families Anonymous group.

    We can't fix our difficult child's so all we can do is learn to cope with the fear and disappointment.


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  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Carri, if that is your real picture I suggest you change it for privacy reasons.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Carri, your post is heartbreeaking. I know the feeling that it is sometimes better not knowing. The absolute worst time for me was when I saw her facebook postings and the awful pictures.

    Being a member of AA you know the drill, one day at a time but that doesn't make this much easier does it?
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  9. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    Well, my son was finally arrested yesterday for another possession of a controlled substance. I hadn't been checking the lapd inmate search as often (yay me) but when his phone went straight to voice mail I had a feeling. He's in jail, safe. On to the the next chapter of his (my) life. He should get 3 yrs 7 months if the court sticks to its promise which could be the best thing for him. Rehabs haven't worked for him...He must be exhausted after nearly 5 months on the run, I know I sure am. I imagine withdrawing from heroin in jail will be horrible. I hope he remembers it. All I can do now is pray for him and breathe once again that he's safe. I bought the book that childodmine recommended "When the servant becomes the Master" and plan on diving into that this weekend. I will continue to educate myself. Thanks everyone on this blog for your great posts. It's such a big help.

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  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I pray that he turns his life around.
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs to you. Be strong and take care if you. At least he has 3 meals and a bed now.

    sent from mobile phone
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry Carri, I'm praying too.
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Carri. I know it is hard to hear that your son was arrested but it may just have saved his life. I just read an online news article today that said heroin overdoses are skyrocketing all over the country.

    However, that doesn't make this any less painful for you. Please know that we are all keeping good thoughts that your difficult child sees the light and uses the resources available in prison to beat this addiction.