LIVID - update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrscatinthehat, Dec 26, 2007.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I can not begin to express how angry, hostile almost rabid I feel at this moment.

    With everything we go through with difficult children etc we were braced for the fall out that could happen and hoping for it not to happen. I sweatted about the party for difficult child 2 and we went and it was ok.

    At the last staffing we had it was decided that he would come home for a brief couple hour visit today. I had been dreading it. I know how chaotic and violent he has been and was just dreading things completely. But alas his last couple of days have gone well. So when we got down to pick him up the staff (the case manager or supervisor) that were aware we were taking him weren't there. So they had to call and make sure it was alright as no regular staff was told because we didn't want a slip to let him know he was coming home as it was a surprise. We then had to have him fill out his safetly plan. All of this went off without too much trouble.

    As we got back into town we were supposed to stop at the dhs office so the case worker could see us for a few. We had called on the road to let her know we were on our way. When we got to the office we checked in. All of this was fine.

    When we sat down to wait in the lobby who should walk out of the back but the difficult children bio mom. I like to have spit nails. Then she says she asked if she could hug difficult child 2 and that she had been giving permission. I didn't say a word as I was exploding inside. I could not believe that they had given her permission when all this time we have been working on getting these kids stable and now this. Well he said something in her ear (husband told me later that he heard him ask to see her) and she said they won't let me. Ok um she gave up her rights. She didn't want to be a parent to this child. She couldn't follow the rules. Umm can you say me getting angrier. So then we get back to meet with our worker and she says she has no idea that she was going to be here (uh huh it isn't that big of an office) and a couple othr things. We told her what had happened. Get this. Bio bat lied. She was told to just walk on through to the elevator and leave. WHAT?!?!?! We told our worker that is so not what she said.

    So far the visit is going ok but I tell you what now we are going to have more fall out later when he is back at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I can't even begin to tell you how fired up I am about this. And that she was so blatant as to lie in the dhs office. I mean come on.

    As we left difficult child 2 pulled aside the case worker and told her he wanted to see her. For pete's sake we had finally gotten him to stop asking.

    You know I don't like to be broad sided. Someone should have indicated when they realized she was there that she was and had us move or something. This is ridiculous. It would be one thing to run into her in a store or something that is a public place. And at least there I would be able to tell her off (sort of) but in that office I have to absolutely behave. I can't believe she had the audacity to lie right there. The receptionist had to have heard it so as to verify it with the workers.

    I keep reminded myself that this will be ok but why when we are having more violence and sexual problems with him do we have to add to the top of it her.

    husband and difficult child 2 are playing video games so I better go back and make sure they are behaving. Thanks for listening if you made it this far.

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't blame you for being livid. Maybe I'm too cynical these days, but it sounds to me that you still might not have gotten to the bottom of this. I agree in having a couple more conversations- at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and DHS. I think I'd try to feel out the situation a little more before blowing my top, if I could (not sure that I Could), but I'd be making sure people knew what a nightmare this could lead to. It sounds like Bio is definietly up to something and people supposed to be looking out for difficult child aren't thinking too clearly, or at all.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hey Beth,

    Yeah I made it that far with my mouth open going "Well WHAT was bioeggdonor doing there anyway?" If she gave up rights and custody? WHY is she still talking to dhs? MORE kids to screw up?

    I am so sorry - but I would make a formal complaint about the fact that your difficult child seeing her was a setback for your family, and talk to a director so that if she is ever in the same vicinity - you can all get around her without him seeing her.

    Sending a nice blanket to put out your fires -

    Enjoy him while you have him - and the fact that he IS behaving? A plus!

  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    She is there with her current husbands children (wherever she goes :censored2: falls). Oh I plan to take things in hand in a couple of days.

  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Beth, holy cow, how are you containing yourself? I would be exploding.

    You jump through hoops to make sure this child gets the help he needs. DHS has a lot to answer for. Unbelievable.

  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    :grrr: MY BLOOD IS BOILING FOR YOU!!!!!!! :devil:

    I cannot believe what cr@p that is!!!!!!!! And I find it really hard to believe this was all a serendipitous event!!!!!! Really hard.

    Sending you peace, strength, and a major cyber hug! Keep us posted.
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Well on the good side (if you could call it that) DHS now has a documented case of her meddling in your family life. Make sure it is a matter of record. Write a letter of complaint and CC it to dept supervisor. -RM
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    This is a huge huge snafu on dhs's part. There is no way a bio parent with no visitation or having been TPR'd should be in the same office with your difficult child with-o prior notification & approval given & received.

    The fact that your difficult child has been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for so very long - you're trying to get him to trust a caregiver; any caregiver speaks volumes.

    Keep your cool - this wasn't difficult children fault. Enjoy the visit. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can deal with the fallout later. That's not on you. Let Residential Treatment Center (RTC) know the situation & leave.

  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Well the visit went fine. However after he got back to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he had a major meltdown. I had given them the heads up so it wasn't a shock to any of us. The sad part is his last two days had been good (probably the holiday).

    He hadn't been dwelling on his bio mom for a good month and a half. Now boom.

    I will be writing a letter over the next couple days to send off. We meet with our new lawyer on Friday so I figure I will run a rough draft past him. That way we are all on the same page.

    Does the heart ache never end?

  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I still can't see HOW she could have claimed to have permission to give him a hug - surely no such permission could be given without your consent also?

    And how could she claim to have permission, if she was there purely by coincidence (ie should not have known he was there)?

    If she was told to just walk on through, then whoever told her this did so in the full knowledge that you were all outside in the waiting room. This means that someone in DHS knowingly sent her into the room where you were all waiting. This could have (and should have) been avoided - surely they have a side door? One they could have sent you to, or shown her out from? Why didn't they call you on your mobile to tell you to leave fast, come back in ten minutes time?

    Big, big SNAFU.

    Definitely complain in writing. There should be a paper trail on this one, AND action taken.

  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Beth,
    I'm sorry, no wonder you were spitting nails. I'm sorry he had major meltdown when he got back to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Gentle hugs.