Living with People with Mental Disabilities.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Anaheimfan, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. Anaheimfan

    Anaheimfan Blue Collar Boy

    How do you guys do it?

    I live with someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder. The symptoms of which are:

    Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotions.
    A need to be the center of attention (self-centeredness).
    Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior.
    Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear shallow to others
    Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are.

    In short, you can use the nmemonic PRAISE

    • P - provocative (or seductive) behavior
    • R - relationships, considered more intimate than they are
    • A - attention, must be at center of
    • I - influenced easily
    • S - speech (style) - wants to impress, lacks detail
    • E - emotional lability, shallowness
    • M - make-up - physical appearance used to draw attention to self
    • E - exaggerated emotions - theatrical
    And I'm going to be completely honest, it can be VERY agitating.

    This is a relative I am talking about, and I love this relative to death, but sometimes, I can't even describe how agitated I get, I have to get up and leave my house and wander around aimless for a good hour before I am calmed down enough to return home.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOL!! I think you are probably doing the best you can right now. I laugh because that sounds exactly like my mother!! I had never looked that up before, but now I have an answer!!

    Back to you- is this person aware at all that he/she thinks a little different than most? Is this person seeing a therapist and if not, would he/she be willing to?

    For yourself, it might help you to see a therapist just to be able to vent about the frutration of it all. Maybe a therapist could even give you a few pointers about how to curb some of it. I don't know, but I can see where it would be frustrating.

    After all, I was raised by my mother, with us living in the same house. She was 60 yo when I graduated college and she wore a black and white polka-dotted mini-skirt to me graduation ceremony and a smaller ceremony with my specific group of graduates and professors and talked loudly from the audience section during the entire ceremony. Does that fit the description??
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Detach, detach, detach!
  4. Anaheimfan

    Anaheimfan Blue Collar Boy

    I have tried subtly to make this person aware, but one of the other symptoms is essentialy doesn't take critisicism well.

    I'm not sure about the willingness to see a therapist...It'd probably be one hell of a battle, and I'd have to deal with so much stuff about how I'm the badguy for scheduling the appointment, nothings wrong, it's embarassing, you name it.

    Truth be told, klmno, it's actually hard for me to get along with this person's friend--not because I don't like the friend, but because he enables this behavior, which it turn makes it happen more, which bugs me more, puts me in a bad mood and so on and so forth.
  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    As gcvmom said, DETACH!!!

    I managed to survive many years by exercising - I love to run. I ran five miles a day, sometimes more. I also worked out on my ellipitcal. Then, last year, I injured my ankle. I began having other physical problems too. To make a long story short, I've been having a much harder time dealing with my difficult children without being able to do aerobic exercise daily.

    I think I use a combination of detachment, talking to a good friend, and getting time away from my difficult children as much as possible. When my body lets me, I exercise. I've also come to depend upon the support of everyone here. There are just so many caring people here who totally understand where I'm coming from. It's just a relief to know others understand...

    My best advice, if you're able to, is exercise. Participate in a sport or sports you love. Spend time with friends. Don't isolate yourself from others when times are tough at home (I've been guilty of this in the past). Make sure you take time to do things just for you. This is really important. WFEN
  6. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello and welcome. I can relate to what you are living with, my daughter has Borderline Personality Disorder. Some of the same behaviors. A lot of them actually. It is very hard to live with and heartbreaking as well. Like gcvmom said, detaching is your way to survival. It is very hard. It took me years to be able to detach and it is an everyday struggle. It is a bit easier for me right now as my daughter is in Jail and her craziness is not in front of me. I am very sad that she is there but relieved that she is safe. She was missing for a month!!

    It is very hard to even have a "normal" conversation with her. Forget about doing "normal" things with her. Everything is a project, nothing comes easy. So, I know that living day to day is mentally exhausting for you. When my daughter is home she is the center of the household. When she walks in the door we have all been invited into a tornado. It's as though we live in the eye of a storm. Everything is pushed to the 10th power!!! Every emotion is greatly exaggerated. It is very hard on the family members as we love this person yet, they are so incredibly hard to be around.

    I am so sorry for you and your family. Hang in there and God bless. :)
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    thank you, I too understand this one.
    I have an Auntie who is a textbook case of that. She literally experiences physical symptoms of illness if she's not the centre of attention for some reason.

    Luckily she's also a sweetheart, so some of her antics are bearable. Others, however...

    I think you're handling things the right way. Steer clear when you get frustrated, don't take it on or take it personally, try to be patient when you can, and overall, detach, detach, detach!

    Good luck with this one. It's not easy!

  8. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    It is a learned skill. By "how do YOU live With it" I assume you mean how does one
    have A LIFE while someone else is dominating your world with a mental illness. As well to tolerate the behaviors:daily stradegies.

    My mother is bi-polar with psycotic episodes. And I had two younger siblings so I was thrust into the role of the caretaking child. I learned how to cope from the point of veiw of a child. Lucky for my family I was a loving person. Actually my Mother was a joy...when she was... and my ability to love was her gift. However
    eventually I had to detach because the constant drama was just not working for me.

    One book I found in the last few years is called HOW TO SURVIVE WHEN THEY're DEPRESSED by Anne Sheifield. The author was the daughter of a depressive and spent her career helping families with depressive family members. She has a lot to offer. Including the fact that this area of study is new and little researched.

    What I do with the people in my world that I choose to care for and about is talk straight and honestly. When I agree to be of service in freindship I include the part where I let that person know in advance that I have limitations and that I will be doing what I need to do for my life.

    One woman I befreinded, for example, I told her when I intially began helping her that I understand her diagnosis and for me I know I can not tolerate the behavior indefenatly. That is about me. What I told her I wanted her to do was to create the support group she needed. And this: DO NOT WEAR OUT YOUR SUPPORT GROUP.
    Here is sage advise. When one person demonstrates how to set boundaries and take care of oneself one is showing others how to do it.
    Be kind. Be clear. Be consistant. And take good care of yourself.
  9. Anaheimfan

    Anaheimfan Blue Collar Boy

    Thank you, everyone.

    Sorry I haven't been around lately, I had some things to take care of in regards to work.

    I am doing my best at detaching, but at times, it isn't as easy as it seems.
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    detaching is never easy. I think acceptance of the person's illness is first, than once you accept it, are driven nuts but it, than one learns to create certain boundaries I think to survive it.

    I'Tourette's Syndrome hard to detach from someone you love, alot of amazing woman have done it here for the betterment is that a word LOL of their kids. I always sit in amazement of them, their strength and resilency. Yet if this person isnt' hurting you in anyway, except ofcourse it is very hard to live with-them it sounds like boundaries may be needed???

    just my thoughts. KLMNO i was going to say the same exact thing, and than i saw what you wrote. you are very funny
  11. Anaheimfan

    Anaheimfan Blue Collar Boy

    I'm not exactly sure how to detach....
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Maybe start out ignoring...if you have to speak to the person, just say "I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through that" and then go on about whatever you want to be doing.