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General Parenting
Living with Tennage Daughter diagnosis with Borderline (BPD)
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 527456" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Hello, </p><p>Ok, so, your daughter is 16 and she has a Borderline (BPD). </p><p></p><p>I strongly believe that there is still hope. </p><p>First, because she is 16, it's not like if she were 50. She can mature a lot until she reaches adulthood. </p><p></p><p>First, she sees her therapist once every two weeks. Do you feel that it is enough for her ? Do you think that she has a good relationship with her therapist ? </p><p>Which kind of therapy she attends ? </p><p>Does she attend therapy as directed ? </p><p></p><p>Then, her medicines. You said she has Paxil. </p><p>From what I read, if she still as unstable as what you describe, it sounds that it's not the right medicine. I agree with you. </p><p>It is important to insist with the psychiatrist on this point. If her medication regimen does not work, no wonder therapy does not have any effect !!</p><p></p><p>Third, and it is not little, I would compare your daughter to someone who is in ICU. She is sick now. It does not excuse her, but it explains a lot. If your daughter could not do her chores because she had heart failure, would you think that she is naughty ? </p><p>So, if you don't want to lose your sanity, you need to pick up your battles. Your daughter will never dance on the same tune as you : it's like you dance the valse and she dances on pop music. </p><p>However, you can set up boundaries to make life at home bearable. </p><p>Make a list of three columns : the non negotiable expectations, the preferred expectations and the "perfect world" expectations. </p><p>The non negotiable is perfectly understandable, the bottom line is to keep this list no longer than three expectations. A long list of non negotiable expectations will trigger more problems than it solves. </p><p>The preferred expectations is what you wish to have, what you prefer, but you won't put anyone in danger to obtain them. </p><p>The perfect world expectations are expectations you hope if the world were perfect : if you have them, you will be the proudest mom, otherwise, be it. </p><p>With choosing your battles, all the family will save its sanity. </p><p></p><p>I can also advise you and your husband to read "the explosive child". I know that she is 16, but it teaches ways to decrease also a lot of family stress due to explosions. </p><p>Also, don't hesitate to read books about communicating with persons suffering from Borderline (BPD). I have not read one yet, so I cannot advize you any title, but tips to better communicate with your daughter cannot harm in order to reduce stress in family. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Hang in there</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 527456, member: 14306"] Hello, Ok, so, your daughter is 16 and she has a Borderline (BPD). I strongly believe that there is still hope. First, because she is 16, it's not like if she were 50. She can mature a lot until she reaches adulthood. First, she sees her therapist once every two weeks. Do you feel that it is enough for her ? Do you think that she has a good relationship with her therapist ? Which kind of therapy she attends ? Does she attend therapy as directed ? Then, her medicines. You said she has Paxil. From what I read, if she still as unstable as what you describe, it sounds that it's not the right medicine. I agree with you. It is important to insist with the psychiatrist on this point. If her medication regimen does not work, no wonder therapy does not have any effect !! Third, and it is not little, I would compare your daughter to someone who is in ICU. She is sick now. It does not excuse her, but it explains a lot. If your daughter could not do her chores because she had heart failure, would you think that she is naughty ? So, if you don't want to lose your sanity, you need to pick up your battles. Your daughter will never dance on the same tune as you : it's like you dance the valse and she dances on pop music. However, you can set up boundaries to make life at home bearable. Make a list of three columns : the non negotiable expectations, the preferred expectations and the "perfect world" expectations. The non negotiable is perfectly understandable, the bottom line is to keep this list no longer than three expectations. A long list of non negotiable expectations will trigger more problems than it solves. The preferred expectations is what you wish to have, what you prefer, but you won't put anyone in danger to obtain them. The perfect world expectations are expectations you hope if the world were perfect : if you have them, you will be the proudest mom, otherwise, be it. With choosing your battles, all the family will save its sanity. I can also advise you and your husband to read "the explosive child". I know that she is 16, but it teaches ways to decrease also a lot of family stress due to explosions. Also, don't hesitate to read books about communicating with persons suffering from Borderline (BPD). I have not read one yet, so I cannot advize you any title, but tips to better communicate with your daughter cannot harm in order to reduce stress in family. Hang in there [/QUOTE]
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