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General Parenting
Living with Tennage Daughter diagnosis with Borderline (BPD)
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<blockquote data-quote="lovelyboy" data-source="post: 527790" data-attributes="member: 8045"><p>Giulia.....I appreciate your input.....I just think, speaking for myself, that advice coming from a non parent sometimes can come over as over enthusiastic...or unrealistic.....It is easy to say things from the childs perspective, but to support other parents you need to have experienced the things only a parent of a difficult child child had experienced?</p><p>Anyway.....I FULLY agree with backing of when difficult child becomes arguementative or abusive.....We had put a different swing on this......Instead of making our son feel his behaviour or reactions is 'bad' (this feeling of rejection usually worsens his behaviour)....we gave him a different type of time out....by saying to him, that when he starts screeming and swearing....it becomes very difficult to have a meaningfull conversation with him, so we will stop any interaction for say 2-10 minutes......until he calms down enough for conversation to carry on. Because his anxiety is to high, he will not leave the room....so we just disengage as a meaning of time out....This way the focus stays on the ineffective behaviour and it doesnt reject the person......Later you dont even have to say you are disengaging.....you just make the time out sign with your hands, carry on with whatever you were busy with, or turn around and leave the room until the 2-10 min time out is over....If she feels ignored and keeps on trying to converce, you can say....for example, 4 min left.....2 min left....or even set a timer. This helps you feel more in control and it is a logical consequence.</p><p>I was just thinking......they didnt suspect any autism spectrum stuff going on with your child? Just wondering of her lack of social insight, wanting to be in control, less resiprocity, being unrealistic......how is her abstract reasoning?</p><p>Any auditory processing problems maybe.....because this can lead to huge misunderstandings and fights?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovelyboy, post: 527790, member: 8045"] Giulia.....I appreciate your input.....I just think, speaking for myself, that advice coming from a non parent sometimes can come over as over enthusiastic...or unrealistic.....It is easy to say things from the childs perspective, but to support other parents you need to have experienced the things only a parent of a difficult child child had experienced? Anyway.....I FULLY agree with backing of when difficult child becomes arguementative or abusive.....We had put a different swing on this......Instead of making our son feel his behaviour or reactions is 'bad' (this feeling of rejection usually worsens his behaviour)....we gave him a different type of time out....by saying to him, that when he starts screeming and swearing....it becomes very difficult to have a meaningfull conversation with him, so we will stop any interaction for say 2-10 minutes......until he calms down enough for conversation to carry on. Because his anxiety is to high, he will not leave the room....so we just disengage as a meaning of time out....This way the focus stays on the ineffective behaviour and it doesnt reject the person......Later you dont even have to say you are disengaging.....you just make the time out sign with your hands, carry on with whatever you were busy with, or turn around and leave the room until the 2-10 min time out is over....If she feels ignored and keeps on trying to converce, you can say....for example, 4 min left.....2 min left....or even set a timer. This helps you feel more in control and it is a logical consequence. I was just thinking......they didnt suspect any autism spectrum stuff going on with your child? Just wondering of her lack of social insight, wanting to be in control, less resiprocity, being unrealistic......how is her abstract reasoning? Any auditory processing problems maybe.....because this can lead to huge misunderstandings and fights? [/QUOTE]
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