Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Long, long journey to acceptance (swiped from a line by COM on another thread)
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 629082" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I often think it was easier for me when he was younger, when I was super woman, mother of 4, full time + work with travel, boyish useless husband, and STILL she makes time to findthenewtherapisttrythenewmedsmeetwiththeteacherlocatetheagency .</p><p></p><p>I was busy busy busy trying to fix him then.</p><p></p><p>It was easier.</p><p></p><p>Or was it? The mists of time are so obscuring...I'm divorced from the boy husband now, kids can all fetch their own milk (and set their own alarms for their summer jobs, which they do, god bless them). difficult child's twin hasn't lived at home for three years..if I hear from her 3 or 4 times in a month that is a lot, and it is fine. Lots more time. I'm healthier, happier. So maybe it is easier now.</p><p></p><p>Then why does it feel so lousy?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So I will post some more and see if I can work it out a bit on this site..</p><p></p><p>I've been leaden. Hard to get up, moving through the molasses air, can't wait for bed, hard to sleep...I don't even have racing thoughts any more, I am just..enduring. difficult child calls and calls and I don't pick up. I asked SO not to pick up either...so then difficult child started calling his dad (30 x in a day, or so he tells me,but then he (difficult child Dad) was always prone to exaggeration, and a shocked dismay at having the poop hit HIS fan for a change)..difficult child Dad reports that he is manic as all get out, dislocated from reality...difficult child calls the house and the easy child's pick up, and they too report to me...</p><p>"he says that just because you and he are fighting, mom, that we can still have a relationship with him". To which I reply, tiredly..."we aren't fighting."</p><p></p><p>Later one of the easy child's tells me an odd, disconnected story about difficult child's twin, easy child's older sister. I am confused so don't really pursue it...and later still, haven't not gotten what he needed in his quiet, tentative way, easy child says "oh, I remember now, we were talking about difficult child twin because he (a coworker) had seen difficult child..." And I said "what did he say" and easy child said "he said that difficult child told him that you (mom) and he were best of friends."</p><p></p><p>difficult child is crumbling. But it won't make him better. It will just make him crumble.</p><p></p><p>I am beleagured. My attempts to make space between difficult child and me have only caused everyone else to talk to me about him...when I am the one "handling" difficult child they all leave me in isolation (except SO, I must give him that). When they are the contact point....they have to include me, burden me, bounce it off me because they are anxious and don't know what to do.</p><p></p><p>I transfer my burden from me to them and it is still with me anyway. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Right. I cannot accept what I know. I can't change the feelings of distress, dismay, disbelief...loss. and I can't accept that that is what there is. It is an endless circle. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, he is having a hard time. And he is completely flaming crazy right now, full on manic, which won't help.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't feel like I'm being kind right now. Often I do...but right now I feel like I have shed a crazy person because I just can't deal with it. EVen while the other voices in my head tell me...Echo...you've tried everything. YOu can't help him or save him.</p><p></p><p>But I can comfort him...I know he would feel better if he could talk to me now.</p><p></p><p>And I would feel worse. </p><p></p><p>And nothign would change. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It's too hard and yet I can't get away from it. </p><p></p><p>This is where I am today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 629082, member: 17269"] I often think it was easier for me when he was younger, when I was super woman, mother of 4, full time + work with travel, boyish useless husband, and STILL she makes time to findthenewtherapisttrythenewmedsmeetwiththeteacherlocatetheagency . I was busy busy busy trying to fix him then. It was easier. Or was it? The mists of time are so obscuring...I'm divorced from the boy husband now, kids can all fetch their own milk (and set their own alarms for their summer jobs, which they do, god bless them). difficult child's twin hasn't lived at home for three years..if I hear from her 3 or 4 times in a month that is a lot, and it is fine. Lots more time. I'm healthier, happier. So maybe it is easier now. Then why does it feel so lousy? So I will post some more and see if I can work it out a bit on this site.. I've been leaden. Hard to get up, moving through the molasses air, can't wait for bed, hard to sleep...I don't even have racing thoughts any more, I am just..enduring. difficult child calls and calls and I don't pick up. I asked SO not to pick up either...so then difficult child started calling his dad (30 x in a day, or so he tells me,but then he (difficult child Dad) was always prone to exaggeration, and a shocked dismay at having the poop hit HIS fan for a change)..difficult child Dad reports that he is manic as all get out, dislocated from reality...difficult child calls the house and the easy child's pick up, and they too report to me... "he says that just because you and he are fighting, mom, that we can still have a relationship with him". To which I reply, tiredly..."we aren't fighting." Later one of the easy child's tells me an odd, disconnected story about difficult child's twin, easy child's older sister. I am confused so don't really pursue it...and later still, haven't not gotten what he needed in his quiet, tentative way, easy child says "oh, I remember now, we were talking about difficult child twin because he (a coworker) had seen difficult child..." And I said "what did he say" and easy child said "he said that difficult child told him that you (mom) and he were best of friends." difficult child is crumbling. But it won't make him better. It will just make him crumble. I am beleagured. My attempts to make space between difficult child and me have only caused everyone else to talk to me about him...when I am the one "handling" difficult child they all leave me in isolation (except SO, I must give him that). When they are the contact point....they have to include me, burden me, bounce it off me because they are anxious and don't know what to do. I transfer my burden from me to them and it is still with me anyway. Right. I cannot accept what I know. I can't change the feelings of distress, dismay, disbelief...loss. and I can't accept that that is what there is. It is an endless circle. Yes, he is having a hard time. And he is completely flaming crazy right now, full on manic, which won't help. I don't feel like I'm being kind right now. Often I do...but right now I feel like I have shed a crazy person because I just can't deal with it. EVen while the other voices in my head tell me...Echo...you've tried everything. YOu can't help him or save him. But I can comfort him...I know he would feel better if he could talk to me now. And I would feel worse. And nothign would change. It's too hard and yet I can't get away from it. This is where I am today. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Long, long journey to acceptance (swiped from a line by COM on another thread)
Top