Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Long, long journey to acceptance (swiped from a line by COM on another thread)
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 629252" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Of course you did. That is what we did. That is the job of a mom. And with a difficult child, we try even harder. We turn over every rock to find an answer. For years and years and years.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Because you have tried everything, and you KNOW nothing YOU ever do will be the difference-maker, the play-maker, so there is nothing more to be done, and that is ONE LOUSY FEELING. It is so much easier to DO SOMETHING, Echo. So much easier. </p><p></p><p>So what do we do with this extra time and emptiness and lousiness? We start to work on US. We spend the time and energy on us. And for a long long time it feels awful and weird and empty, but if we just keep on, it will start to feel much better, and one day it will feel really good, and we will have filled up that empty, lousy, awful, weird place with something that makes sense. </p><p></p><p>I know you already do things for yourself, but Echo, it's time to step up that game. Do more. For you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No, you didn't transfer the burden to them. You put the burden down, and difficult child picked it up and transferred it to them, and it is theirs to put down or take up or whatever they choose to do with it. You did what you had to do for you. You can't control what difficult child does, Echo. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It's awful. It's so awfully painful to the very core of us. It is SO MUCH EASIER when they are in jail. I have been basking in the glow of difficult child being in jail. Isn't that just a stupidly ironic statement to make?? But it is true. And it is the thought of him being out, free to be, on the streets again, with the clock ticking until the next bad thing happens, that causes me all of the bad feelings right now. </p><p></p><p>Echo, you love him. And love is always good. That is why it is so painful. But Echo, I believe we have to somehow, someway, start to accept what is right in front of us. What are eyes are seeing. What they are showing us. They are choosing. They ARE choosing. They can choose something else, but they don't. </p><p></p><p>It may always be like this, Echo. I hope it isn't, and I know you do, too, and there is always, always hope for a miracle, for an about-face, but are we to wait forever, holding our breath every single day, dying inside every single day, waiting for it? I don't want to live life that way. I want to somehow, someway, accept this as best I can, ugly as it may be. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, he would. He wants his mother. My son does, too. I get that. We are the last man standing for them, and because of our boundless love, we keep on and on and on after others are gone by the wayside. Maybe we are the last man standing between them and them taking responsibility? Maybe that is why we HAVE to find a way to stop, not just for us but also for them to have a chance at all. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are right. But Echo, it is perfectly okay if you decide something different about difficult child. You decided one thing, and that was good. Now, you may need to decide another. I don't know. Only you can decide, and you can make any decision that you must to live with what you must. I so respect that, for each of us. This is too hard a road, folks. This is just too hard a road. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I hope you can let it play out, Echo. I do, because I do believe you are in transition with difficult child, with this new boundary. He is ramping up with others in your family, and stirring the pot because he wants his mom. You are worn out, and at the very least, you need some time. Take as much time as you can, Echo. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is SUCH a hard thing. So hard to do with someone we love so very much. Do it anyway, Echo. We are here with you to walk with you through this hard, hard thing. </p><p></p><p>Remember time. Time. Let time take its time. Let some space occur. Space is a good thing. Silence is a good thing. Silence is just silence. It allows something new to happen. </p><p></p><p>Big warm hugs to you, my friend Echo, tonight. Please keep telling us how you are. What you are thinking and feeling. We care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 629252, member: 17542"] Of course you did. That is what we did. That is the job of a mom. And with a difficult child, we try even harder. We turn over every rock to find an answer. For years and years and years. Because you have tried everything, and you KNOW nothing YOU ever do will be the difference-maker, the play-maker, so there is nothing more to be done, and that is ONE LOUSY FEELING. It is so much easier to DO SOMETHING, Echo. So much easier. So what do we do with this extra time and emptiness and lousiness? We start to work on US. We spend the time and energy on us. And for a long long time it feels awful and weird and empty, but if we just keep on, it will start to feel much better, and one day it will feel really good, and we will have filled up that empty, lousy, awful, weird place with something that makes sense. I know you already do things for yourself, but Echo, it's time to step up that game. Do more. For you. No, you didn't transfer the burden to them. You put the burden down, and difficult child picked it up and transferred it to them, and it is theirs to put down or take up or whatever they choose to do with it. You did what you had to do for you. You can't control what difficult child does, Echo. It's awful. It's so awfully painful to the very core of us. It is SO MUCH EASIER when they are in jail. I have been basking in the glow of difficult child being in jail. Isn't that just a stupidly ironic statement to make?? But it is true. And it is the thought of him being out, free to be, on the streets again, with the clock ticking until the next bad thing happens, that causes me all of the bad feelings right now. Echo, you love him. And love is always good. That is why it is so painful. But Echo, I believe we have to somehow, someway, start to accept what is right in front of us. What are eyes are seeing. What they are showing us. They are choosing. They ARE choosing. They can choose something else, but they don't. It may always be like this, Echo. I hope it isn't, and I know you do, too, and there is always, always hope for a miracle, for an about-face, but are we to wait forever, holding our breath every single day, dying inside every single day, waiting for it? I don't want to live life that way. I want to somehow, someway, accept this as best I can, ugly as it may be. Yes, he would. He wants his mother. My son does, too. I get that. We are the last man standing for them, and because of our boundless love, we keep on and on and on after others are gone by the wayside. Maybe we are the last man standing between them and them taking responsibility? Maybe that is why we HAVE to find a way to stop, not just for us but also for them to have a chance at all. You are right. But Echo, it is perfectly okay if you decide something different about difficult child. You decided one thing, and that was good. Now, you may need to decide another. I don't know. Only you can decide, and you can make any decision that you must to live with what you must. I so respect that, for each of us. This is too hard a road, folks. This is just too hard a road. I hope you can let it play out, Echo. I do, because I do believe you are in transition with difficult child, with this new boundary. He is ramping up with others in your family, and stirring the pot because he wants his mom. You are worn out, and at the very least, you need some time. Take as much time as you can, Echo. It is SUCH a hard thing. So hard to do with someone we love so very much. Do it anyway, Echo. We are here with you to walk with you through this hard, hard thing. Remember time. Time. Let time take its time. Let some space occur. Space is a good thing. Silence is a good thing. Silence is just silence. It allows something new to happen. Big warm hugs to you, my friend Echo, tonight. Please keep telling us how you are. What you are thinking and feeling. We care. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Long, long journey to acceptance (swiped from a line by COM on another thread)
Top