I have read this forum for the last several years whenever I have felt sad, depressed, or unable to cope. I think I finally need to share my story because I see a lot of support here and feel like I could use some advice from people that have been there and done that. I have three children, two older easy child that have gone on to do good things with their lives and are self supporting, and their younger brother, which is, I suppose my difficult child. I am luckier than most people on this forum, being that my difficult child is not violent or abusive. He is 20 and I just had to release him into the wild yesterday for the first time. I am an agnostic, not what you would call a strict parent in any sense. I really have had no issues with moderate alcohol use, I tolerate smoking cigarettes (not in the house!) and actually am okay with occasional pot use. I always had the guidelines that do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't harm you or other people, and that you make good grades, stay out of law trouble, keep the house as peaceful as possible, and work. Pretty lenient, huh? This seemed to work fine for my now 26 and 27 pcs. They both graduated high school, went on to university got their degrees, one with a masters, and are doing very very well, financially, emotionally, and with a great work-life balance. My 20 year old however... Is a different story. He did not graduate from high school, although has put in effort in to gaining those last credits to get his HS diploma, has repeatedly flunked out of community college, has gotten fired from every single one of his last six jobs, and has repeated brushes with the law. However, I've loved him unconditionally and supported him all through this, perhaps too much. He started dating a girl last year who has bipolar disorder and being with her seems to have set his path down a darker trail. He has issues, and paired with her issues, they just exacerbate each other. After he lost his last job, I stated, look, I have only two rules. One: get up by 11 every day and look for work. Two: girlfriend can stay at my house, but no drama. That was it. He has a really nice car I bought him, his piano, a beautifully appointed room, Xbox, iPhone, gym membership with towel service. I love this kid. I love his sisters. They have all had everything they ever wanted. In fact, because I was worried about his mj use, I even hooked him up with a mmj card so he could have mj legally. He doesn't drink alcohol and he doesn't do other drugs. His girlfriend has been kicked out of both her mother and fathers homes, and I think is a recovering addict with alcohol issues. He thinks he can fix her. The straw on the camels back was this week. Last year when they started dating, they would get into huge fights at our house, to the point where the neighbors would call the police. The police would come to our house separate them and then leave. This happened when we were not at home, or in the middle of the night when we would be awakened by screaming in the front street and then the inevitable blue lights. We tried to work with them both, repeatedly, for months, then they broke up and we thought, oh life will get back to normal. It didn't. He chased her, she moved in with another guy for a total of four days until he kicked her out because of her issues, and then she landed right back with my son. At our house. This week, everything seemed okay for the first three days. Then my husband and I were woken up by screaming and caterwauling on the back porch. She was crying, screaming, slapping my son, and this went on for two hours. I didn't intervene because I was hoping (right?) that he would finally come to his senses. She controls his phone, his computer, his social networks, and abuses him physically, and yet... He doesn't see a problem. Well, I'm hands off until it interferes with my peace. The next day, was my easy child daughters birthday. She is in town visiting us, and it was a great visit. None if us had any sleep from the night previous. We are all sitting around the dining room table, bleary eyes, and exhausted. difficult child and girlfriend are sleeping. They slept until 3 in the afternoon. At this point, I'm done. My husband leaves to go teach, my easy child goes to have celebratory birthday drinks with friends, and I realize I cannot live like this. i knock on the door and state that girlfriend is to get up, take a shower and leave. I'm done. difficult child snarls that if she goes, then he may as well go too. I think about this. I go and fill his tank up, get 20 dollars, come back and get a sleeping bag, toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, soap and deodorant, pack it all up and say, "okay, you are both out". i left the house to collect my thoughts. When I come back she is taking her lengthy 1.5 hour shower. No I'm not exaggerating. He has packed some clothes up and I hug him and tell him I love him, but he will be fine. He has a car, he has a gym membership (with towel service, remember), iPhone, and perfect teeth, a handful of resumes, and intelligence with no physical handicaps. The last I see of them yesterday is he in the kitchen packing away the yoplait yogurt I bought her in the hopes that maybe she would eat and we could maybe get along. So they found a couch to sleep on last night. He shows up today at my door, with her in the passenger seat and he asks if they can take showers. I looked at her and him, she won't even look at me. I said, Not her. She is not allowed in the house. She can go ask her mother and father if she can shower at their house. He gets angry when I say this, and his sister hugs him and said, love you baby bro, but you have pushed the parents too far this time. I look at him. He doesn't offer to hug me. I don't offer to hug him. They leave. This is very hard for me. I really love my son. I am kind to strangers. I have opened my door to her many many times. I just cannot handle the abuse, the yelling, the drama. I feel like she is heroin and my son is using and has yet to hit rock bottom. I really think that once she realizes the gravy train is over, she will dump my son and go to the next guy that can support her. One last thought. My son has had many GFs. I have never seen this kind of girl. In fact, I am still friends with some of his exes, and he was too, until this girlfriend came along and cut him off from all of his friends. Thank you for listening to my story. I feel like I did the right thing, although my husband would say, just cut him off from all the support, cell phone, car, etc. I don't want to do that though. I want him to be in a position to where he can live independent of me and has the tools to do so. One final kind of small funny in this though. He was talking to his sister and was saying that there was no tp in the place he stayed last night! I thought, yup, welcome to the world without mom and dad. What will be really interesting is when this girl will get them kicked out of where they are staying because of her manic moods in the middle of the night. i am fully prepared for them to live on the street, in his car, on the couches of whatever friends he has left. If he wants to come back, I'm trying to decide what rules to impose. Obviously, no drama girl. Get up by 11 and look for work. I'm thinking about putting in a third rule. Car between 7 am and 7 pm until he gets a job. Weekly therapy visits. This is hard. Not as hard as some of you have it, by any means. Do I answer the phone when he calls? I think maybe not for awhile. I'm still reading how to detach. Tough tough tough.