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Long vent re. call from ed spec
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 145123" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>alongfortheride- all due respect, but, sometimes there can be sd that are treating our kids outright abusive or negligent. Thank goodness it is not the norm, but when it does happen it is wrong and an injustice to our kids, difficult child or not. When a sd is abusive or negligent to our kids, not only is it not fair or right, it deprives our kids of an education, and it models many of the same poor behaviors to our kids that we are struggling to change in our difficult children. </p><p></p><p>Now I understand my own opinion is only my own opinion and my experiences are extreme (THAKK GOODNESS FOR THAT) </p><p></p><p>But....if you think about it, grades k-12 are really about the only time in the course of routine life that a person has very little say in where they will be and what they will be doing. For the most part, school is mandatory and required, as are a good part of the topics studied. A student usually has very little input on what the schedule will be, who the teacher will be, and who the classmates will be. </p><p>(barring incarceration or time in military) </p><p></p><p>If a person is in a bad marriage, it is very common for the loved ones of the person in the bad marriage to say- "get out" If a person is in a job that is just not right, maybe hours that you do not function well, or with an abusive abnoxious boss or co workers, or an unduly difficult workload or whatever else might not be ok with any particular job- most of the time a person will seek different employment. ANd they might choose different hours, different schedule, different field of work, different co workers, whatever. And if a job is not a good fit and is abusive or toxic or makeing a person miserable, very often the loved ones will encourage a job change. K-12 school really is the ONLY time a person really has almost no input in how they are treated, what they must do, etc. </p><p>So- while out in "the real world" a job might not offer accomodations like an iep does- very often the person themself can work to self accomodate when they seek and or accept a job. </p><p></p><p>Do not get me wrong, I believe in education (heck I took college classes from age 18 until age 45 while also working full time and raising a family and am now considering going for more) </p><p>BUT there ARE some school districts where the school district does not treat difficult children properly, where it does not matter what an IEP says.....where the difficult child becomes a target, where retaliation against proactive parents is real and life becomems a thousand fold more complicated than life already can be with a difficult child. </p><p>And a toxic school environment CAN harm a child - and it can backfire when you cannot get the school to listen and do what is right, and harm the child in such ways the child now has even more and bigger recovery than from whatever diagnosis they may have had to begin with. </p><p>I so much did not want to believe that could be the case, but.....I have a child that was originally simply bipolar. Oh yes, I said "simply" and she did NOT have aggression or violence in her history at all......I have 4 docs who now say it is not her bipolar that is the problem as much as it is her school induced PTSD from the pain and trauma and abuse they heaped upon her, even while I was fighting thru due process etc. Now she has disassociative states, profound panic attacks, phobia of her former school SO strong that she cannot even be in the car when we drive past her former school building, even after over 3 years of no longer going to that school----and even with intense therapy all along. </p><p>If that had been a job or a marriage treating her that way, there is NO way she would have stayed..but...it was SCHOOL .....K-12 school. and it is not quite so easy to simply no longer go to school. Truancy laws required me to send her. (or to send her to a private school, which I sure could not afford, tho I tried- cannot afford partly becuz our school district takes so much in property taxes each year to pay for the school)</p><p>I have since watched, kept my ear to the ground with other kids who were in her Special Education classes, and when this schol here decides they no longer wan to cope with a special needs child? They go to extreme and dangrous lengths to get rid of that kid- MAJOR triggering, major pushing a kids buttons, HOPING to get a kid to fight back....hoping to get the kid to do ANYTHING they can add a little spin to so they can call police and spin things to make the kid look worse. ANd I am sad to say, I am fairly sure they also resort to framing kids outright. Setting kids up for arrests.....</p><p></p><p>Sure schools are afraid now of haveing a kid with a bipoolar diagnosis.....no school wants to have to deal with the possibility of some sensational and horrendous incident. And becuz so many of those incidents involved kids with mental health diagnosis or on psychiatric medications, some schools (Please note I did not say ALL schools) are afraid......and will do what they can to prevent haveing to take the risk of such a tragedy. </p><p></p><p>Am I paranoid? I am sure some will say I am. I am grateful some people do have it better at their school so they CAN think I am paranoid. After all the only first hand experience I have is what has happened at my kids school here.....and well, I have been posting here and other places a LONG time, and our experiences have been posted about all along the way. More than just a few people along the way agree with my opinion of my experiences with my children at their school. </p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>OK sorry..I will climb down from soap box now.....but- yes there ARE some very toxic school districts sometimes in some places...and while in "real world" a person might get the same consequences, usually very few people are completely and totally at the mercy of wicked nasty abuse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 145123, member: 1697"] alongfortheride- all due respect, but, sometimes there can be sd that are treating our kids outright abusive or negligent. Thank goodness it is not the norm, but when it does happen it is wrong and an injustice to our kids, difficult child or not. When a sd is abusive or negligent to our kids, not only is it not fair or right, it deprives our kids of an education, and it models many of the same poor behaviors to our kids that we are struggling to change in our difficult children. Now I understand my own opinion is only my own opinion and my experiences are extreme (THAKK GOODNESS FOR THAT) But....if you think about it, grades k-12 are really about the only time in the course of routine life that a person has very little say in where they will be and what they will be doing. For the most part, school is mandatory and required, as are a good part of the topics studied. A student usually has very little input on what the schedule will be, who the teacher will be, and who the classmates will be. (barring incarceration or time in military) If a person is in a bad marriage, it is very common for the loved ones of the person in the bad marriage to say- "get out" If a person is in a job that is just not right, maybe hours that you do not function well, or with an abusive abnoxious boss or co workers, or an unduly difficult workload or whatever else might not be ok with any particular job- most of the time a person will seek different employment. ANd they might choose different hours, different schedule, different field of work, different co workers, whatever. And if a job is not a good fit and is abusive or toxic or makeing a person miserable, very often the loved ones will encourage a job change. K-12 school really is the ONLY time a person really has almost no input in how they are treated, what they must do, etc. So- while out in "the real world" a job might not offer accomodations like an iep does- very often the person themself can work to self accomodate when they seek and or accept a job. Do not get me wrong, I believe in education (heck I took college classes from age 18 until age 45 while also working full time and raising a family and am now considering going for more) BUT there ARE some school districts where the school district does not treat difficult children properly, where it does not matter what an IEP says.....where the difficult child becomes a target, where retaliation against proactive parents is real and life becomems a thousand fold more complicated than life already can be with a difficult child. And a toxic school environment CAN harm a child - and it can backfire when you cannot get the school to listen and do what is right, and harm the child in such ways the child now has even more and bigger recovery than from whatever diagnosis they may have had to begin with. I so much did not want to believe that could be the case, but.....I have a child that was originally simply bipolar. Oh yes, I said "simply" and she did NOT have aggression or violence in her history at all......I have 4 docs who now say it is not her bipolar that is the problem as much as it is her school induced PTSD from the pain and trauma and abuse they heaped upon her, even while I was fighting thru due process etc. Now she has disassociative states, profound panic attacks, phobia of her former school SO strong that she cannot even be in the car when we drive past her former school building, even after over 3 years of no longer going to that school----and even with intense therapy all along. If that had been a job or a marriage treating her that way, there is NO way she would have stayed..but...it was SCHOOL .....K-12 school. and it is not quite so easy to simply no longer go to school. Truancy laws required me to send her. (or to send her to a private school, which I sure could not afford, tho I tried- cannot afford partly becuz our school district takes so much in property taxes each year to pay for the school) I have since watched, kept my ear to the ground with other kids who were in her Special Education classes, and when this schol here decides they no longer wan to cope with a special needs child? They go to extreme and dangrous lengths to get rid of that kid- MAJOR triggering, major pushing a kids buttons, HOPING to get a kid to fight back....hoping to get the kid to do ANYTHING they can add a little spin to so they can call police and spin things to make the kid look worse. ANd I am sad to say, I am fairly sure they also resort to framing kids outright. Setting kids up for arrests..... Sure schools are afraid now of haveing a kid with a bipoolar diagnosis.....no school wants to have to deal with the possibility of some sensational and horrendous incident. And becuz so many of those incidents involved kids with mental health diagnosis or on psychiatric medications, some schools (Please note I did not say ALL schools) are afraid......and will do what they can to prevent haveing to take the risk of such a tragedy. Am I paranoid? I am sure some will say I am. I am grateful some people do have it better at their school so they CAN think I am paranoid. After all the only first hand experience I have is what has happened at my kids school here.....and well, I have been posting here and other places a LONG time, and our experiences have been posted about all along the way. More than just a few people along the way agree with my opinion of my experiences with my children at their school. OK sorry..I will climb down from soap box now.....but- yes there ARE some very toxic school districts sometimes in some places...and while in "real world" a person might get the same consequences, usually very few people are completely and totally at the mercy of wicked nasty abuse. [/QUOTE]
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