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Long vent re. call from ed spec
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 145202" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I admit I've only been able to skim this so far. And I still think I have made longer posts than yours, although yours was up there.</p><p></p><p>You've had some good suggestions.</p><p></p><p>Here are mine, to use as well or not - your choice.</p><p></p><p>I think you need to simplify things. What I have gathered, is that it all is sounding increasingly complicated and you were beginning to sound word-befuddled, probably by this woman twisting words this way and that when you were talking to her.</p><p></p><p>Not that she was necessarily trying to confuse you - she was also trying to get an exact handle on what you want, plus make sure she gets what she wants. But it sounds like she's a bureaucrat, and the red tape she lives and breathes is tangling the whole issue now. Reports, etc don't get properly read or fully understood if they're too long, too full of jargon and too waffly. You need the KISS principle.</p><p></p><p>So sit and think quietly. What do you need done for your child? What do you want the school staff to be aware of? What do they need to know, in order to do their job?</p><p></p><p>What has worked brilliantly for me, and I made sure it was written into the IEP, was a Communication Book. At times we had teachers who felt it was time to wean us off the need for the daily communication this way, and every time, that's when the problems increased. This works, if you do it right.</p><p></p><p>We bought a cheap exercise book with lined pages and I made a cover for it by printing off a sheet from the computer. It said, "difficult child 3 - Communication Book. Parents, teachers, friends - please write here anything of relevance or interest."</p><p>I prettied it up a little, painted a rainbow across it all, then put a plastic cover on it.</p><p></p><p>I then made the first entry in the book, briefly explaining difficult child 3.</p><p></p><p>Here is an introductory entry for difficult child 3, but it is to a teacher who knew of him from the previous year.</p><p></p><p>"A NEW BOOK FOR A NEW YEAR! </p><p>We type messages from home - my handwriting is not good. Also, it keeps a record of previous comments on computer file. As far as possible we keep this book in his schoolbag.</p><p>Last year his teacher noted that difficult child 3's behaviour was consistently worse up to 10 am, when he suddenly settled down. As a result were trying the following medication regime (we think it has helped):</p><p>difficult child 3 has 1 x 10mg dexamphetamine sustained release capsule on waking, and 1 x 6.25mg sustained release capsule at 8.30 am on departure for school. This last one I sometimes forget. It can be given up to lunchtime. If his behaviour is worse than usual, ring me to check. difficult child 3 can usually remember these days, but his capsules are stored in a daily dose box, so a quick check at home will make certain. Extra capsules will be left at the office with an authority to dose difficult child 3 when necessary.</p><p>Usually it should not be necessary for difficult child 3 to have any medication at school."</p><p></p><p>I would outline the diagnosis as follows: "Dr G, [qualification], has diagnosed difficult child as having [*****]. He is receiving [describe treatment]. You will notice it as follows: [outline what issues are likely to need the teacher's attention, or could pose a problem for her]. I have found that if you respond with [list positive ways to handle difficult child] that this is the fastest and most constructive way to get him back under control. </p><p>His other special needs are [list them].</p><p>I want this book to serve as effective communication between us, to reduce the amount of time we would otherwise need to spend talking to each other about various issues. This way you won't have to have frequent classroom steps informal meetings, the information will be on its way home to me with difficult child while you're on your way home for your much-needed rest.</p><p>I will tell you about anything relevant which has been happening with him at home, please will you do the same in the classroom? In this way we can work effectively as a team to give difficult child the best possible help and to give each other the necessary support with which to achieve this."</p><p></p><p>In this introductory bit, I put what I wanted them to do for him. And because it was in writing, even in such an informal way as this book, there was no way they could later on say, "We never knew that this was what you wanted!"</p><p></p><p>The book has to travel in difficult child's school bag and shouldn't be difficult child's responsibility in any way. It's too important and really, it's not his it's yours; yours and the teacher's. A teacher insisting on difficult child bringing him the book or difficult child putting the book back in his bag to bring it home - there's several problems. First, if the book goes astray, vital communication gets missed. Second, it draws difficult child's attention too much tot he book and he will want to read it.</p><p></p><p>difficult child will probably want to read it anyway. You can always handle that by either being careful about what you write, or making sure you write nothing but the truth (which is what should be happening anyway). Or you could put it in a sealed envelope.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, difficult child generally knows he's not normal, his own views about himself are likely to be much harsher than the teacher's or your views.</p><p></p><p>Because I keep the file on the computer, difficult child 3 has found it and been reading it. I could have locked it away, but I haven't bothered. I think it helps him to know what he used to be like (he can see improvement in himself that way) and it also shows him how much we have been doing for him.</p><p></p><p>Reports etc often don't get read. I would leave copies of reports at the school, or send them in to the teacher, often to find that nobody had read them. I think the same went for the IEP. In general, I never saw an IEP until the time came to apply for support funding for the next year, and the year's IEP was tabled as part of the discussion. I know this is wrong, but I didn't know it then. I was very much a mushroom, so for me the communication book meant I was much more in the loop.</p><p></p><p>It also helped us all recognise patterns in difficult child 3's behaviour, that we might have otherwise missed. Or a teacher might say, "He's increasingly disruptive after lunch. It seems to have been getting worse this term. When are you next seeing the specialist? Do you think there could be a need to increase his medications?"</p><p>I would then observe difficult child 3 over the weekend and perhaps remember if he had been getting more reactive and agitated earlier in the day, in past weekends.</p><p></p><p>For us, this worked. It helped in so many ways. I think it also helped the teachers to blow off steam. I did get the occasional note where the teacher had written, "He was absolutely horrible today! I could have cheerfully wrung his neck!"</p><p>I didn't get angry at such outbursts, since I felt it too sometimes. But I did want details so I could try to find out what might have triggered the problems. I might even write back for the next day, "I talked to difficult child 3, he was having trouble with the size label in his shirt and it was annoying him. I told him that next time he should tell someone, maybe ask you if you can cut the label out for him. Better still, to ask me in the morning before he goes to school. I hope you have a better day today."</p><p></p><p>In your son's case, the label has relevance only where it explains the behaviour and learning issues. If a staff member says, "He's not really got J, he's really got K," you need to listen - briefly - ask why they think this, ask what their qualifications are, if you think they have a point worthy of exploring then say to them, "I will discuss this next time we see the specialist. For now, the diagnosis is J so that must remain our working hypothesis."</p><p></p><p>I remember a time when the school counsellor said to me, "Isn't it lovely to see how difficult child 3 blends in now? He's talking so well now, the language delay problems are gone. It's wonderful to see that he's not autistic any more."</p><p></p><p>We were standing on the office steps, the kids were far below, all wearing the same school uniform. difficult child 3 looked just like the other kids, except he was walking around the edge of the playground, watching his feet, totally oblivious to the other kids. I replied to her, "He looks like the others only because he's dressed like them. It's true that he's caught up with language, but the diagnosis of autism is based on a HISTORY of language delay. Autism is a lifelong condition; all he has done is learn."</p><p></p><p>I do feel teachers need to know as much as they need to do their job as best they can. If you have a child who is a compulsive food stealer, the teacher needs to know. If you have a child who is afraid of animals, the teacher needs to know. If your child needs to have access to a quiet space when stressed, the teacher needs to know. The teacher also needs to know what will happen if t hey don't take these problems on board and do something to help.</p><p></p><p>It also works positively - difficult child 3 was a very early and skilled reader. He was also obsessed with charts, calendars, lists - anything. So difficult child 3 was generally given the job of making sure the classroom calendar was always set to the correct date. difficult child 3 was the one asked to read out the roll (especially when he was the only kid able to read at the time). This involved him, where otherwise he would have tuned out.</p><p></p><p>It all comes down to good communication.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 145202, member: 1991"] I admit I've only been able to skim this so far. And I still think I have made longer posts than yours, although yours was up there. You've had some good suggestions. Here are mine, to use as well or not - your choice. I think you need to simplify things. What I have gathered, is that it all is sounding increasingly complicated and you were beginning to sound word-befuddled, probably by this woman twisting words this way and that when you were talking to her. Not that she was necessarily trying to confuse you - she was also trying to get an exact handle on what you want, plus make sure she gets what she wants. But it sounds like she's a bureaucrat, and the red tape she lives and breathes is tangling the whole issue now. Reports, etc don't get properly read or fully understood if they're too long, too full of jargon and too waffly. You need the KISS principle. So sit and think quietly. What do you need done for your child? What do you want the school staff to be aware of? What do they need to know, in order to do their job? What has worked brilliantly for me, and I made sure it was written into the IEP, was a Communication Book. At times we had teachers who felt it was time to wean us off the need for the daily communication this way, and every time, that's when the problems increased. This works, if you do it right. We bought a cheap exercise book with lined pages and I made a cover for it by printing off a sheet from the computer. It said, "difficult child 3 - Communication Book. Parents, teachers, friends - please write here anything of relevance or interest." I prettied it up a little, painted a rainbow across it all, then put a plastic cover on it. I then made the first entry in the book, briefly explaining difficult child 3. Here is an introductory entry for difficult child 3, but it is to a teacher who knew of him from the previous year. "A NEW BOOK FOR A NEW YEAR! We type messages from home - my handwriting is not good. Also, it keeps a record of previous comments on computer file. As far as possible we keep this book in his schoolbag. Last year his teacher noted that difficult child 3's behaviour was consistently worse up to 10 am, when he suddenly settled down. As a result were trying the following medication regime (we think it has helped): difficult child 3 has 1 x 10mg dexamphetamine sustained release capsule on waking, and 1 x 6.25mg sustained release capsule at 8.30 am on departure for school. This last one I sometimes forget. It can be given up to lunchtime. If his behaviour is worse than usual, ring me to check. difficult child 3 can usually remember these days, but his capsules are stored in a daily dose box, so a quick check at home will make certain. Extra capsules will be left at the office with an authority to dose difficult child 3 when necessary. Usually it should not be necessary for difficult child 3 to have any medication at school." I would outline the diagnosis as follows: "Dr G, [qualification], has diagnosed difficult child as having [*****]. He is receiving [describe treatment]. You will notice it as follows: [outline what issues are likely to need the teacher's attention, or could pose a problem for her]. I have found that if you respond with [list positive ways to handle difficult child] that this is the fastest and most constructive way to get him back under control. His other special needs are [list them]. I want this book to serve as effective communication between us, to reduce the amount of time we would otherwise need to spend talking to each other about various issues. This way you won't have to have frequent classroom steps informal meetings, the information will be on its way home to me with difficult child while you're on your way home for your much-needed rest. I will tell you about anything relevant which has been happening with him at home, please will you do the same in the classroom? In this way we can work effectively as a team to give difficult child the best possible help and to give each other the necessary support with which to achieve this." In this introductory bit, I put what I wanted them to do for him. And because it was in writing, even in such an informal way as this book, there was no way they could later on say, "We never knew that this was what you wanted!" The book has to travel in difficult child's school bag and shouldn't be difficult child's responsibility in any way. It's too important and really, it's not his it's yours; yours and the teacher's. A teacher insisting on difficult child bringing him the book or difficult child putting the book back in his bag to bring it home - there's several problems. First, if the book goes astray, vital communication gets missed. Second, it draws difficult child's attention too much tot he book and he will want to read it. difficult child will probably want to read it anyway. You can always handle that by either being careful about what you write, or making sure you write nothing but the truth (which is what should be happening anyway). Or you could put it in a sealed envelope. The thing is, difficult child generally knows he's not normal, his own views about himself are likely to be much harsher than the teacher's or your views. Because I keep the file on the computer, difficult child 3 has found it and been reading it. I could have locked it away, but I haven't bothered. I think it helps him to know what he used to be like (he can see improvement in himself that way) and it also shows him how much we have been doing for him. Reports etc often don't get read. I would leave copies of reports at the school, or send them in to the teacher, often to find that nobody had read them. I think the same went for the IEP. In general, I never saw an IEP until the time came to apply for support funding for the next year, and the year's IEP was tabled as part of the discussion. I know this is wrong, but I didn't know it then. I was very much a mushroom, so for me the communication book meant I was much more in the loop. It also helped us all recognise patterns in difficult child 3's behaviour, that we might have otherwise missed. Or a teacher might say, "He's increasingly disruptive after lunch. It seems to have been getting worse this term. When are you next seeing the specialist? Do you think there could be a need to increase his medications?" I would then observe difficult child 3 over the weekend and perhaps remember if he had been getting more reactive and agitated earlier in the day, in past weekends. For us, this worked. It helped in so many ways. I think it also helped the teachers to blow off steam. I did get the occasional note where the teacher had written, "He was absolutely horrible today! I could have cheerfully wrung his neck!" I didn't get angry at such outbursts, since I felt it too sometimes. But I did want details so I could try to find out what might have triggered the problems. I might even write back for the next day, "I talked to difficult child 3, he was having trouble with the size label in his shirt and it was annoying him. I told him that next time he should tell someone, maybe ask you if you can cut the label out for him. Better still, to ask me in the morning before he goes to school. I hope you have a better day today." In your son's case, the label has relevance only where it explains the behaviour and learning issues. If a staff member says, "He's not really got J, he's really got K," you need to listen - briefly - ask why they think this, ask what their qualifications are, if you think they have a point worthy of exploring then say to them, "I will discuss this next time we see the specialist. For now, the diagnosis is J so that must remain our working hypothesis." I remember a time when the school counsellor said to me, "Isn't it lovely to see how difficult child 3 blends in now? He's talking so well now, the language delay problems are gone. It's wonderful to see that he's not autistic any more." We were standing on the office steps, the kids were far below, all wearing the same school uniform. difficult child 3 looked just like the other kids, except he was walking around the edge of the playground, watching his feet, totally oblivious to the other kids. I replied to her, "He looks like the others only because he's dressed like them. It's true that he's caught up with language, but the diagnosis of autism is based on a HISTORY of language delay. Autism is a lifelong condition; all he has done is learn." I do feel teachers need to know as much as they need to do their job as best they can. If you have a child who is a compulsive food stealer, the teacher needs to know. If you have a child who is afraid of animals, the teacher needs to know. If your child needs to have access to a quiet space when stressed, the teacher needs to know. The teacher also needs to know what will happen if t hey don't take these problems on board and do something to help. It also works positively - difficult child 3 was a very early and skilled reader. He was also obsessed with charts, calendars, lists - anything. So difficult child 3 was generally given the job of making sure the classroom calendar was always set to the correct date. difficult child 3 was the one asked to read out the roll (especially when he was the only kid able to read at the time). This involved him, where otherwise he would have tuned out. It all comes down to good communication. Marg [/QUOTE]
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