Lonnnng day tomorrow... OBGYN is inducing labor for girlfriend

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Sep 22, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I attended her appointment today. The other day I asked her, "Why is the dr thinking about inducing labor?" "I dont' know."
    "Why are you having so many ultrasounds and non-stress tests?"
    "I dont' know."
    Arrrrgh.
    Apparently her mom didn't ask any questions either.

    I couldn't stand it so I asked to go along. Mom said fine. D was fine, too.
    Long appointment. Last one ... before the baby comes.
    Even though the baby has gained weight (now at 6.1) the dr was talking about inducing labor ... only one week from the due date.
    Apparently, the placenta is too thin. And they are worried that the baby may be stressed because she's so small. But I know lots of people who have had 6 lb babies.
    D is 1% dilated and 70% effaced. So they will give her pitocin in the a.m. (The good news is that her body is already preparing, which means they don't have to give her any other inducement drugs.)
    It wouldn't surprise me if she ends up with-a c-section, or if something else happens.
    Too many tests. This makes 4 ultrasounds and 2 non-stress tests, and that's only what I know.
    I could hardly tell what I was looking at during the ultrasound. There were two techs, and one took over and redid all the shots and measurements. I'm hoping that was because the first one was a rookie and not because they really needed all those for some diagnostic reason ...

    D's mom is a wreck. She was crying. D seemed fine, just playing with-her phone. I told her I wasn't sure she would be allowed to have the phone in labor and delivery. (Especially because I don't want her throwing it at anyone!)

    I drove up into the driveway to find Difficult Child and his girlfriend, H, arguing in the front of the house. She was throwing up her hands, palms up, fingers spread, as if to say, "I've had it." And then holding her head in her hand. They walked over to her car and argued for another half hour. Now they're both gone.
    I can't get a hold of him because his phone is broken. Again.
    I have no idea how someone can crack a phone as often as Difficult Child does.
    Maybe that's what they were arguing about? She paid for the tattoo he got 2 wks ago, why not a new phone?

    Since he hadn't spoken with-ex-girlfriend, D, I pulled him aside and told him to be at the hospital at 7.30 a.m. He said, "Uhh, I don't know about that." I told him that it could take an hr, or it could take all day.

    I think he really only needs a new glass cover for the phone and I DO need to get a hold of him ...
     
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Confused. And I apologize because I have just returned to this forum. So D is your sons XGF? And your DS and his current girlfriend was arguing?

    Sorry if I am too snoopy!

    KSM
     
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I'm sending you all my positive energy!!

    I wonder if it has really sunk in that she is going to have a baby.

    I do hope he will understand the importance of being there.

    Even though the circumstances are not ideal, the birth of a grandchild is so special.

    Will be anxious to hear how everything goes.

    :group-hug:
     
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I hope everything goes smoothly. Good luck and don't forget the paternity test.
     
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    My daughter was 5 pounds 11 ounces at birth - she was perfectly healthy... :)
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, Patriot's Girl, that's why I'm wondering why the doctors are being overly cautious ...

    D is son's ex girlfriend. She is pregnant.
    H is son's current girlfriend. She just bought him a hoodie and then they got into a fight. Hmm.
    And he spent the entire day out of school, walking. Walking, he says.
    And there were two kids asleep on my couch at home, while Difficult Child was outside fighting with H.
    husband and I think he skipped out with those two and they were all high. They left after a while and Difficult Child seems out of it and sleepy.

    I hate this.
    We talked with him and tried to get him to think about it all.
    He is overwhelmed, but not coping at all.

    I am picking him up at school at noon. I hope he is there.
     
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Congratulations Terry!

    I know this is not the best of circumstances, but a new baby is such a wonderful thing!

    Please update us as often as you can on the progress.

    I am so excited for you!

    Are the preparation all done for bringing the little one home? I know Difficult Child and XGF have not done anything.

    And 'great job' on Difficult Child's 3 As! Hope he will keep it up.

    Let us know how it goes!

    Apple
     
  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Wow! At this point planning a wedding seems a LOT less stressful than it did earlier.

    Does DS really not realize he needs to be there for the labor and delivery?

    I know he is stressed but he is doing just about everything he can to shoot himself in the foot.
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Right. No preparation.
    I told T, D's mom, to put the carseat in the car.
    I told her I'd make a basket of travel accessories. I ended up using a gift pouch with a zipper (they seem to multiply on their own when you're not looking) and I filled it with-travel shampoo, conditioner, lotion, toothbrush, toothpaste, etc. I expect that the nurses will tell D to shower afterward. Good thing, because she only showers about once a month on her own. :(
    I made up some oils with Young Living essential oils for calm and soothing effects and am hoping to get D's mom to rub it on D's feet and legs. Or else D's mom can just drink it. :p
    I'm a bit stressed right now ... I just hope that difficult child can pick up the slack and get with the program tomorrow. And every other cliche' I can think of.

    husband and D had picked out an outrageous set of names and thankfully, D changed the first name to something more normal.

    Meanwhile, I'm telling my friends, one by one. I only told my friends in Minn when I was up there for the wedding. They don't know anyone else down here. I was hoping that maybe the adoption idea would stick.
    Doesn't look like it will happen, no matter how miserable D ends up being.

    D and her mom agreed that Difficult Child would not keep the baby alone at our house. And especially over night. Fine by me! I didn't ask why, but I suspect it's his anger issues. Although he's never hit D, just bossed her and intimidated her.

    And husband and I are worried about postpartum depression, since D has depression anyway (but wouldn't ever admit it) and the first time she gets into a huge fight with her mother and ends up at our house on the couch, vegging in front of horror films. NOT.
    That's going to be the hard part.
    Deep breath.
    :sweating:

    P.S. I never did get to run to the hospital to do a dry run on the paternity papers. I thought I'd scope out the way it's done. I'll figure it out. I'm sure they're used to people not signing, and asking for a test.
     
  10. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Ug. Be glad. Our son had a girlfriend pregnant by another boy when they met. He did the whole labor and delivery thing and really was planning to be "dad", though they broke up later - thank God. He kept the baby overnight one time. We'd told him weekend only, but he picked a Tuesday. At 1 or 2 a.m., he literally bursts into our room SCREAMING at the top of his lungs because the baby wouldn't sleep...he'd been crying every time he set him down. I ended up taking over - the baby was probably traumatized at that point. And yes, the baby would NOT sleep. Never did unless he was being held. So I sat up all night holding the kid and called in sick the next day.

    The nicest things about other people's kids...You can give them back!


    But, I hope for the best tomorrow. May all go well - Grammy. ;)
     
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Just said a prayer for you and your family.
     
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I hope for that little girls sake everyone can keep the drama to a minimum while she gives birth. I will pray for that precious baby who deserves to come into a welcoming world. I pray that your son can manage his issues and be present emotionally.
     
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Any baby yet? Popped in to check that everything was okay...
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Baby Sophie born approx 1 a.m. Can't find Difficult Child but he texted girlfriend H that he and I were going to hospital together. I'll just have to leave with-o him ...
    I spent much of the day at hospital waiting for pitocin to work. Finally around 10 D's water broke and she dilated to approx 5 cm. She was in hard labor until approx 1:00 a.m.
    Her bio dad and step mom drove down from another city so I was glad not to be in the room with that reunion!
    Maybe I'll meet them today.
    I am convinced that the dr scheduled the delivery to fit with-her 24 hr shift. I'll explain later. Ticks me off. I really am not convinced that the placenta was too thin.
    D was only a wk away from her due date.
    Difficult Child and I got into a huge argument last night but it turned out okay. He'd been ignoring me and being passive/aggressive for 2 days and I couldn't stand it any more. After the blowup, husband diffused the situation, but I am glad that I caused an explosion or no one would have talked for yrs.
    Dysfunctional families are so much fun!
    I left my camera and jacket and books at the hospital and then they changed rooms ... I hope I find everything. And I want to take pictures.
    Regardless. :)
     
  15. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    How is the baby?
     
  16. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    So D and the baby are fine? Glad to hear it. Sorry Difficult Child is still being so ... difficult ... about it.
     
  17. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Well I am very glad that the baby was born and things are ok. Did Difficult Child even make it to the hospital for the labor? If not what a shame.

    Don't forget the pics! I hope you find your stuff.
     
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, Sophia is beautiful. (Sophia, not Sophie. :) )
    5 lbs 11 oz.
    Born sometime after 11 p.m. I could have gone back and met her last night but I was exhausted. Plus, the ex-dad and step mom were there from another city and I did not want to deal with-family issues, be they happy or dramatic.
    Sophia got her hearing tested and only one ear "passed" the test. The other is still filled with fluid. They will test her again tomorrow. They said that crying, yawning, etc will help her get rid of the fluid, so to wait a bit before picking her up when she is crying.
    Difficult Child was at home, in the driveway, with-girlfriend H. Grrrrrr. I can see where his priorities are. :( He walked around this a.m., and then met her at our house around 11:30-12 in the driveway. She looked very sad. (Ya think?)
    He skipped school all day. Clearly, he cannot cope with all of this. That's 3 days in a row. He hinted at tomorrow, too.
    Sophia had her picture taken but I don't think that anyone will want the pkg. She was crying. :) (One of the things that T and are are trying to do is to get D to speak up for herself, and the pictures were one example. The photographer asked us (the grandparents) for permission, and said that there was no purchase obligation. T said, "Why are you looking at us?" (Good girl, T!)
    "D?" I prompted, and then the photographer asked her the same question and gave her a form to sign for permission.

    Sophia is a very quiet, delicate baby. She is passive and does not latch on very well and when she is using the bottle, you can hardly tell. (My kids sounded like cows with amplifiers.) That's very much like her mom. In fact, she looks like a clone of her mom, D.

    I took Difficult Child to the hospital around noon and he finally seemed interested and anxious to meet her.
    He did very well.
    I showed him how to hold her. He had never held a baby before.
    He asked to see her toes, so I unwrapped her swaddling. Then he wanted to see her hair. And her hands. Mostly he wanted to see her eyes, but she wanted to sleep.
    He said, "Is she sleeping? Why are her eyes closed?"
    T, D's mom, laughed (scoffed, actually) and said, "Yes."
    I told him that babies sleep a lot.
    He wanted to know why she wouldn't wake up on demand. (So to speak. :) )
    I said, "You know how hard it it to wake you up? She's hard to wake up, too, plus, she's a newborn."
    He really wanted to see himself in her and claimed that she had his lips or something.
    Interesting ... he wants to "be" the dad. Even though he doesn't have a job right now, and is skipping school. He and D are living on another planet.
    Better that he thought she was beautiful, though. :)
    He seemed to enjoy holding her and teasing D about how she looks more like him and likes him better.
    I'm sorry he wasn't there to support D through labor but at least he showed up today.

    He asked D if it hurt. She said, "Not really. And I got an epidural."
    Amazing. I'm just shaking my head. Some people are like that.

    I drove Difficult Child home and decided to meet two friends for a late lunch ... and Difficult Child and I were locked out of the house.
    He opted to go back to the hospital, I met my friends, and then drove to husband's ofc to get his set of keys.
    Glad that's the only thing that went wrong today. And Difficult Child didn't have a meltdown, either. Just took it in stride.

    I brought the paternity test from CVS to the room in a bag, but decided against it until later. Everyone is so convinced that it is Difficult Child's that I thought we'd do the discreet method later. I told Difficult Child after we left the bldg and told him just to wait. He is wearing the hospital ID bracelet but at that point, had not signed anything. I left him alone most of the afternoon so I hope he still didn't sign anything
     
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Can you all use the arrows back to my other pictures on Photobucket, or does it not work because you're not signed in?
     
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, terry, she is so beautiful. How does it feel to have a precious granddaughter? Im glad Difficult Child spent time with her.

    You need a blood test through the courts, I believe, to prove he is dad. Custody rights will likely demand it since they arent married. He can then be granted visitation. Without court she has 100 per cent custody and control. Your son wont think of this. I learned a lot through reading up on custody laws because of my own grandson. She can also ask for child support. Yes, I know. He has no job

    Anyhow, she is a little beauty. She is tad darker than jumper was at birth. Brings back good memories for me as well as a celebration for you. Sending my best to everyone, especially little Sophia. :)
     
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