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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 148052" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Oh yeah. We understand this one. Crikey, do we ever!</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the mob.</p><p></p><p>You've had some good advice so far. More advice on top - as Susie suggested, find a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene and read it. See if you can find your son in the first couple of chapters. The book also gives some really practical methods of handling the ODD side of him, to make everybody's life a little easier.</p><p></p><p>I haven't read Love and Logic Parenting, but Susie and I think a few others at least reckon it's a darn good book, so add it to your list.</p><p></p><p>Changing direction and discipline is not a cure, but any improvement in how you all get on, has got to be a bonus, right?</p><p></p><p>I have said to others (and sometimes got jumped on) that sometimes you need to change your mindset towards your child, to turn your viewpoint of things on their head to get a different point of view. Even the most expert of us have sometimes found that a different point of view can bring confidence to see things a different way and to try things a different way. I include myself in this - I was teacher-trained, I was previously experienced in helping my sisters raise their children (including some difficult children) and I thought I was an expert in managing children. I've had great success with my easy child, less success than I would have liked with easy child 2/difficult child 2 but she IS still a work in progress and I do have high standards there, and although my boys are still very difficult child, they are doing amazingly. But I have had to recognise that I was doing a lot of it wrong, even when I thought I was following all the advice, all the rules, everything right. </p><p></p><p>I was not. I was wrong. I made a lot of mistakes especially with difficult child 1, and in the early stages with difficult child 3. </p><p></p><p>Changing mindset worked for us. I stopped being the authoritarian and became their support and assistant instead. I'm still the parent, but it has helped me teach them independence and self-control, instead of them fighting my trying to exert my overriding control onto them. Now - fewer fights, more effective and independent actions from the boys. In my book - that is success! Not total yet, because this is going to take longer for them to be 'finished products' than for the average kids their age, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is NOT an oncoming train!</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the site.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 148052, member: 1991"] Oh yeah. We understand this one. Crikey, do we ever! Welcome to the mob. You've had some good advice so far. More advice on top - as Susie suggested, find a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene and read it. See if you can find your son in the first couple of chapters. The book also gives some really practical methods of handling the ODD side of him, to make everybody's life a little easier. I haven't read Love and Logic Parenting, but Susie and I think a few others at least reckon it's a darn good book, so add it to your list. Changing direction and discipline is not a cure, but any improvement in how you all get on, has got to be a bonus, right? I have said to others (and sometimes got jumped on) that sometimes you need to change your mindset towards your child, to turn your viewpoint of things on their head to get a different point of view. Even the most expert of us have sometimes found that a different point of view can bring confidence to see things a different way and to try things a different way. I include myself in this - I was teacher-trained, I was previously experienced in helping my sisters raise their children (including some difficult children) and I thought I was an expert in managing children. I've had great success with my easy child, less success than I would have liked with easy child 2/difficult child 2 but she IS still a work in progress and I do have high standards there, and although my boys are still very difficult child, they are doing amazingly. But I have had to recognise that I was doing a lot of it wrong, even when I thought I was following all the advice, all the rules, everything right. I was not. I was wrong. I made a lot of mistakes especially with difficult child 1, and in the early stages with difficult child 3. Changing mindset worked for us. I stopped being the authoritarian and became their support and assistant instead. I'm still the parent, but it has helped me teach them independence and self-control, instead of them fighting my trying to exert my overriding control onto them. Now - fewer fights, more effective and independent actions from the boys. In my book - that is success! Not total yet, because this is going to take longer for them to be 'finished products' than for the average kids their age, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is NOT an oncoming train! Welcome to the site. Marg [/QUOTE]
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