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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 616608" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The six month lease is a good idea. We co-signed, too. When everything feel apart for difficult child daughter, we were liable for rent for remainder of the lease, damages, and cleaning expenses. </p><p></p><p>****</p><p></p><p>There is a new, free app for Smartphones for women in danger of physical abuse. It is available through: <a href="http://www.whengeorgiasmiled.org" target="_blank">www.whengeorgiasmiled.org</a> Susiestar began a thread about it on Watercooler last week. If you check there, you can learn more about it.</p><p></p><p>The app comes from Robin McGraw's Aspire Initiative Program to help battered women. The app will automatically dial family members and 911, and will, upon being activated, begin recording every sound in the room immediately, so there will be proof of the abuse when the matter is brought to court.</p><p></p><p>My daughter was involved with a man who beat her. She too, had a child by him. The child is now 14. Because they remained involved through the daughter, the parents came back together last Fall. Just a few weeks ago, the male beat our daughter almost to death. </p><p></p><p>So, you are right to counsel her to cut all ties, now.</p><p></p><p>The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans, will map out the damage and the reasons behind why some of us take satisfaction from being nasty, abusive people. There is almost always verbal abuse, if there is physical abuse in a relationship. Your daughter may not be aware of the effect the verbal abuse has had on her ability to believe in herself enough to break away from her abuser.</p><p></p><p>If you can keep her away from him now and while she learns about the dynamic behind the abusive relationship, do it.</p><p></p><p>We all believed our daughter's abuser that he had changed. They do not change.</p><p></p><p>****************</p><p></p><p>I have seen that whole we don't think they're listening but they are with my kids, too. Mostly, it comes back that I said this or that good or bad thing, and they used it to work themselves out of one trap or another. So, always better to remember that we are the moms, and that what we say matters, whether the child seems to be listening, or not. For me, I try to hold a better image of the difficult child child as the true person. I speak lovingly to that one. As I am getting healthier myself, I find it easy to condemn the behaviors of the addict, the liar, the manipulator.</p><p></p><p>So it is important that we take care of ourselves, that we strive to become healthier ourselves, as we go through these really terrible things with our kids.</p><p></p><p>*****</p><p></p><p>Though the baby does not seem real to you, now? If she keeps him or her, you will come to love him so much that you will wish you had cherished every moment of the waiting until he got here. If your daughter decides to give him up? You will be the one who understands the courage in her decision, the one who interprets the meaning of that decision. </p><p></p><p>You are her mother. </p><p></p><p>Whether she shows it or not, what you say matters to her more than anything anyone else says. You will be the one who helps your daughter know the baby was cherished from the beginning of his existence, and was given up for someone else to raise and love and cherish out of love.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is, how unbelievable it seems that your child could be pregnant and you could be a grandmother. I know how different it all is than how you envisioned it. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening, to you and to your family. </p><p></p><p>I think you are making clear-eyed decisions. That is the best you can do, and that is a good thing. Try to stay open, try to choose the loving response, try to stay healthy yourself. </p><p> </p><p>How is your husband handling things, if you don't mind my asking?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 616608, member: 17461"] The six month lease is a good idea. We co-signed, too. When everything feel apart for difficult child daughter, we were liable for rent for remainder of the lease, damages, and cleaning expenses. **** There is a new, free app for Smartphones for women in danger of physical abuse. It is available through: [url="http://www.whengeorgiasmiled.org"]www.whengeorgiasmiled.org[/url] Susiestar began a thread about it on Watercooler last week. If you check there, you can learn more about it. The app comes from Robin McGraw's Aspire Initiative Program to help battered women. The app will automatically dial family members and 911, and will, upon being activated, begin recording every sound in the room immediately, so there will be proof of the abuse when the matter is brought to court. My daughter was involved with a man who beat her. She too, had a child by him. The child is now 14. Because they remained involved through the daughter, the parents came back together last Fall. Just a few weeks ago, the male beat our daughter almost to death. So, you are right to counsel her to cut all ties, now. The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans, will map out the damage and the reasons behind why some of us take satisfaction from being nasty, abusive people. There is almost always verbal abuse, if there is physical abuse in a relationship. Your daughter may not be aware of the effect the verbal abuse has had on her ability to believe in herself enough to break away from her abuser. If you can keep her away from him now and while she learns about the dynamic behind the abusive relationship, do it. We all believed our daughter's abuser that he had changed. They do not change. **************** I have seen that whole we don't think they're listening but they are with my kids, too. Mostly, it comes back that I said this or that good or bad thing, and they used it to work themselves out of one trap or another. So, always better to remember that we are the moms, and that what we say matters, whether the child seems to be listening, or not. For me, I try to hold a better image of the difficult child child as the true person. I speak lovingly to that one. As I am getting healthier myself, I find it easy to condemn the behaviors of the addict, the liar, the manipulator. So it is important that we take care of ourselves, that we strive to become healthier ourselves, as we go through these really terrible things with our kids. ***** Though the baby does not seem real to you, now? If she keeps him or her, you will come to love him so much that you will wish you had cherished every moment of the waiting until he got here. If your daughter decides to give him up? You will be the one who understands the courage in her decision, the one who interprets the meaning of that decision. You are her mother. Whether she shows it or not, what you say matters to her more than anything anyone else says. You will be the one who helps your daughter know the baby was cherished from the beginning of his existence, and was given up for someone else to raise and love and cherish out of love. I know how hard this is, how unbelievable it seems that your child could be pregnant and you could be a grandmother. I know how different it all is than how you envisioned it. I am sorry this is happening, to you and to your family. I think you are making clear-eyed decisions. That is the best you can do, and that is a good thing. Try to stay open, try to choose the loving response, try to stay healthy yourself. How is your husband handling things, if you don't mind my asking? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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