Looking for closure

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by MarMC, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. MarMC

    MarMC New Member

    I am at the end of the road with my son who is ADHD & ODD. I had to go to the seen of vehicle accident where he was a passenger last night with his blowing .10 on a breathalizer on the scene. The door is closing as I know he is fast approaching 18 in one month and so many days. If he dies out there, I know I have done everything I can. I have had no support, no friends and no family to lean on all these years. Now the system tells me I have to protect myself and take care of myself. I am having a hard time with that one today and making some tough love decisions. I can't find the place where it all went wrong because I keep telling myself that I have to remember he still was there with a choice. When he said he hated me and wished I was dead, I went stone cold. You can't fight that kind of narcissism. I did the best I could do as his parent and I was the only real base he ever had place to touch base with. My heart just hurts today that is all. I already know what must be done and no amount words can comfort it. It just is.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm really so sorry you are going through this, and trust me you aren't alone. If he is a substance abuser, I strongly recommend either Al-Anon or Narc-Anon for support. They are great. I used them many times. They held my hand when I felt like the rest of the world just didn't care. (((Hugs)))
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Sending more hugs (((((MarMC))))))
    I know how scary it can be with an alcoholic/drug addicted son. My oldest difficult child was involved in a rollover accident this past weekend...supposibly no alcohol involved.

    I just keep hoping and praying they see the light before it's too late. You'd think after all that alcohol/drug use cost a person that they would just stop!

    I agree that Al Anon would be a great place for you to get support.
    We're here too.
    with care,
  4. compassion

    compassion Member

    ((( ))). Al-Anon is great. So is this forum. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Remember the 3 Cs: disn't cause, can't cure, and can't control it. Compassion
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The only comfort I can offer is the assurance that you are not alone and we will support you no matter what. If you post ten times in one night with different feelings each time ??.........we'll be here. Each of us has our own painful emotions and understand the complexities that come with our dysfunctional difficult child's. Sending a huge hug your way. DDD
  7. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    You are not alone. I found this site a few years back and it has helped me beyond words. Stay with us and lean on all these wonderful people. Look for support groups in your area, they're are more than likely many more parents going thru the same thing.
    My difficult child turned 18 last May and due to many reasons he was put out of the house in August 08. He too has been in many accidents as a passenger. I've gotten those phone calls, fortunately from him and not a police officer telling me he was gone. I did get one from a police officer on New Years Eve, difficult child was in a car that was pulled over and he was drunk and his BAL was .18-totally smashed. My mistake was i went and got him.
    Hang in there, you are not alone. You'll see that we all have been there and done that. Unfortunately our difficult child's have no idea what this does to us or most of the time they don't care.
    Keep in touch and don't let this consume you. It took me 5 to 6 years to "detach" it's a better feeling, trust me.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending very gentle hugs and all the support I can. This is a terribly hard position to be in, and I hate that you have to cope with it. Know that we love you and are here for you all the time. AlAnon or narcAnon would be good places to find support in addition to us. There are usually several AlAnon groups in an area, so if one group doesn't "feel" right, please try another one or two. Give them some time to really "click" with you. from experience I can tell you they can really help you learn to cope with the alcoholic in your life.

    Remember - we love you and are here for you.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  10. Fancy

    Fancy Blamed for everything

    Please know that you're not alone, I just recently found this site, and it's already helped me immensly. I know what it is to suffer with guilt for asking your child to leave your house, and then feel responsible for all of their bad choices. What you have to remember is that you aren't in control of their behaviour, and until they're ready and willing to be accountable for themselves, they will always find someone else to blame.
    Please be strong, and no that you've done the best you possibly can.