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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 183151" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>ML, you said, "Are these typical? Can anyone else relate?"</p><p></p><p>Yep. To both.</p><p></p><p>It's not deliberate. At least, it's not designed to annoy. He's looking for constant reassurance probably because he is also anxious, about a lot of things, a lot of the time. And it's YOUR job, mum, to stop me from being so anxious! That's what mothers are for, isn't it?</p><p></p><p>You need to shut off any connection in your mind between his age, and what you think he should be able to do. Forget the "At his age he shouldn't still need this."</p><p></p><p>He does. That's how it is. You can't force a brain to mature faster than it can go. His brain is going to be slower tan most. But don't panic - he will continue to improve even after others are adults and considered a finished product. Our kids continue to change and grow, well into adulthood.</p><p></p><p>Don't try to work on too much at once. Also, don't work on things that simply don't improve even with persistent work. He may not be ready. You may need to find other, more novel, ways to cope in the meantime. For example, difficult child 1 still functions best with written lists. I still need to help him with his paperwork. His fiancee is trying to help him with these things but in reality, she will have to do things for him for a while yet, after they marry. I suspect they will both need help for a few years. I just hope she can hang in there. difficult child 1 is an odd mix of mature, wonderful young man and dependent child. But legally he's an adult, he earns a wage and he has chosen to get married. It's scary.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 183151, member: 1991"] ML, you said, "Are these typical? Can anyone else relate?" Yep. To both. It's not deliberate. At least, it's not designed to annoy. He's looking for constant reassurance probably because he is also anxious, about a lot of things, a lot of the time. And it's YOUR job, mum, to stop me from being so anxious! That's what mothers are for, isn't it? You need to shut off any connection in your mind between his age, and what you think he should be able to do. Forget the "At his age he shouldn't still need this." He does. That's how it is. You can't force a brain to mature faster than it can go. His brain is going to be slower tan most. But don't panic - he will continue to improve even after others are adults and considered a finished product. Our kids continue to change and grow, well into adulthood. Don't try to work on too much at once. Also, don't work on things that simply don't improve even with persistent work. He may not be ready. You may need to find other, more novel, ways to cope in the meantime. For example, difficult child 1 still functions best with written lists. I still need to help him with his paperwork. His fiancee is trying to help him with these things but in reality, she will have to do things for him for a while yet, after they marry. I suspect they will both need help for a few years. I just hope she can hang in there. difficult child 1 is an odd mix of mature, wonderful young man and dependent child. But legally he's an adult, he earns a wage and he has chosen to get married. It's scary. Marg [/QUOTE]
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