I'm new here but could really use some advice. difficult child has always been "sensitive" and rigid; now she's 12, screams in my face (pupils dilated almost entirely at times). She hates me and husband (EX "helps" : "you don't have to listen to him, he's not your father). She attends religious school and is usually a "rules" girl (rigidity), but lately has been having lots of melt downs and is entirely oppositional (recent boundaries crossed are hitting mom, calling us retarded, idiots, f--- bit--). she hasn't been evaluated yet (EX says everything's fine at his house although we know it's not). We are stressed out from the every day difficulty of this and the increased aggression -- I am an educator responsible for lots of kids (while our religious leader told my husband this is a blessing for me (yes, it is, since the kids love me), I miss my daughter very much). Advice? please. I am so sad about this. EX has resisted even an evaluation and will make medications difficult. However, daily screaming matches, banging, physical intimidation and ongoing hatred of one's mother (and my husband) are not close to normal. We are loving, giving and patient (accused of "being too soft" -- etc ) but human... I don't have much of an idea of what may be going on with my daughter but she distorts things (truly believes we are doing x, w and z to her), has rapid mood swings, aggression, doesn't care about consequences much, manipulative and her pediatrician described "oppositional behavior" so at *least* ODD. Not sure what else; certainly unable to feel the love coming her way. She behaves almost exactly like EX, who is very manipulative, highly convincing, but rewrites history, blames others for everything and is physically intimidating. Oh, and he's highly successful. Sigh (about daughter). DS is so used to being screamed at by sister that he says "give her what she wants"... Sad, worn out. Thank you for any advice.