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Parent Emeritus
Looking for some shared wisdom as period of no contact ends
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 620956" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Absolutely. Exactly. This is where I am, too, Echo. I have heard it all, like you say above. One time, on his last job, he "wasn't being treated fairly" so he somehow got the cell number of his boss's boss and called him to tell him how unfair things were, can't remember the specifics anymore. I happened to be in the car with him, taking him somewhere as he didn't have a car, while this was going on. He was in top form. This was about a year ago. Needless to say that job ended, just like all of them do. How far I have come since that time. How much further down he has gone. </p><p></p><p>Echo, I understand about the agreement. I do. And what it represents. </p><p></p><p>For me, whenever I have any kind of agreement or even when someone has sent me money for him for his birthday or I have his clothes here and his computer here...for me that kind of stuff never, never goes well. It gets all twisted up in what is the right thing? for me? For him? What do I do with it? If I do this, then that...if I do that, then this...</p><p></p><p>I end up spending so much time and energy on this kind of stuff. I just don't want to have any "formal" ties like those because with him, nothing is EVER simple or direct. I guess that is why I want to be "anti-agreement". </p><p></p><p>His mail doesn't come here anymore. I sent the post office a change of address for him, finally, when his mail kept coming here even though he was living at his dad's house. I was having to see all of the "bad mail" being sent to him, like the student loan he has defaulted on, etc. I was paying a price just seeing that stuff, back then. </p><p></p><p>Hearing about agreements takes me back to all of the contracts I wrote up for him to sign (don't laugh, that was back when I thought well, spelling things out on paper, so it's all clear, now THAT will be his wakeup call and give me something I can point to. Silly me. Silly, silly me). I was a babe in the woods, writing and rewriting these contracts, spending all kinds of time on the actual words, making them clear, whatever. What. Ever. </p><p></p><p>I see what Cedar says about the agreement giving you a place to stand. I hope it does. Whatever makes it better, to do this hard, hard thing we are all trying to do, stumbling forward in our own ways...</p><p></p><p>This stuff just goes and goes in a circle. This morning I got a FB message from him that said: Do you have any of my w2s or do you know if dad does? </p><p></p><p>I guess he is trying to get a tax refund. I have no mail for him of any sort. </p><p></p><p>That is a sad question he poses. He has no address even. He hasn't worked in nearly a year. I will give myself a minute or two to be sad, then I will move on with the day. </p><p></p><p>Echo, I feel you walking with me right now, down the road. I am behind RE and Cedar. You and they are showing me the way and what might be next.</p><p></p><p>Enjoy this beautiful day, Echo.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 620956, member: 17542"] Absolutely. Exactly. This is where I am, too, Echo. I have heard it all, like you say above. One time, on his last job, he "wasn't being treated fairly" so he somehow got the cell number of his boss's boss and called him to tell him how unfair things were, can't remember the specifics anymore. I happened to be in the car with him, taking him somewhere as he didn't have a car, while this was going on. He was in top form. This was about a year ago. Needless to say that job ended, just like all of them do. How far I have come since that time. How much further down he has gone. Echo, I understand about the agreement. I do. And what it represents. For me, whenever I have any kind of agreement or even when someone has sent me money for him for his birthday or I have his clothes here and his computer here...for me that kind of stuff never, never goes well. It gets all twisted up in what is the right thing? for me? For him? What do I do with it? If I do this, then that...if I do that, then this... I end up spending so much time and energy on this kind of stuff. I just don't want to have any "formal" ties like those because with him, nothing is EVER simple or direct. I guess that is why I want to be "anti-agreement". His mail doesn't come here anymore. I sent the post office a change of address for him, finally, when his mail kept coming here even though he was living at his dad's house. I was having to see all of the "bad mail" being sent to him, like the student loan he has defaulted on, etc. I was paying a price just seeing that stuff, back then. Hearing about agreements takes me back to all of the contracts I wrote up for him to sign (don't laugh, that was back when I thought well, spelling things out on paper, so it's all clear, now THAT will be his wakeup call and give me something I can point to. Silly me. Silly, silly me). I was a babe in the woods, writing and rewriting these contracts, spending all kinds of time on the actual words, making them clear, whatever. What. Ever. I see what Cedar says about the agreement giving you a place to stand. I hope it does. Whatever makes it better, to do this hard, hard thing we are all trying to do, stumbling forward in our own ways... This stuff just goes and goes in a circle. This morning I got a FB message from him that said: Do you have any of my w2s or do you know if dad does? I guess he is trying to get a tax refund. I have no mail for him of any sort. That is a sad question he poses. He has no address even. He hasn't worked in nearly a year. I will give myself a minute or two to be sad, then I will move on with the day. Echo, I feel you walking with me right now, down the road. I am behind RE and Cedar. You and they are showing me the way and what might be next. Enjoy this beautiful day, Echo. [/QUOTE]
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