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Parent Emeritus
Looking for some shared wisdom as period of no contact ends
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 621261" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Echo, I haven't had time to read the other responses -- just skimmed a bit, so excuse any repetition.</p><p></p><p>I think the important thing is to give yourself Time, and Space, and Forgiveness. Time to figure out how you want to approach your difficult child. Space to move back and forth within the boundaries you've set for this newly emerging relationship. Forgiveness for the inevitable awkward times that will ensue as you and he try to figure it all out. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself and listen to your gut. If it feels right, run with it. If you get that niggly stomach-drop roller-coaster feeling, then stop and try something else.</p><p></p><p>There's no right way to re-establish contact after a period of no-contact. And with a difficult child, they're going to try what works, what has always worked, and escalate and be stubborn and do what they do before they start to figure out that you have changed, and they need to change.</p><p></p><p>I broke contact with my difficult child -- Gosh! -- nearly 8 years ago, and it's only in the last year-ish that we've even begun to grow close again. Before the horrible dark times, we used to be thick as thieves, joined at the hip. Total absence was hard on both of us, but I wasn't prepared to go back to the horrible times, and knew that giving in would bring us right back down into the pit. So many years, and so many trials and errors, failures and regroupings later, we are starting to form a new bond as mother and adult son.</p><p></p><p>You'll get there.</p><p></p><p>Many gentle hugs,</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 621261, member: 3907"] Echo, I haven't had time to read the other responses -- just skimmed a bit, so excuse any repetition. I think the important thing is to give yourself Time, and Space, and Forgiveness. Time to figure out how you want to approach your difficult child. Space to move back and forth within the boundaries you've set for this newly emerging relationship. Forgiveness for the inevitable awkward times that will ensue as you and he try to figure it all out. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself and listen to your gut. If it feels right, run with it. If you get that niggly stomach-drop roller-coaster feeling, then stop and try something else. There's no right way to re-establish contact after a period of no-contact. And with a difficult child, they're going to try what works, what has always worked, and escalate and be stubborn and do what they do before they start to figure out that you have changed, and they need to change. I broke contact with my difficult child -- Gosh! -- nearly 8 years ago, and it's only in the last year-ish that we've even begun to grow close again. Before the horrible dark times, we used to be thick as thieves, joined at the hip. Total absence was hard on both of us, but I wasn't prepared to go back to the horrible times, and knew that giving in would bring us right back down into the pit. So many years, and so many trials and errors, failures and regroupings later, we are starting to form a new bond as mother and adult son. You'll get there. Many gentle hugs, Trinity [/QUOTE]
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Looking for some shared wisdom as period of no contact ends
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