Quite a few things have gotten accomplished over the past few days. I met with my mother in law the other day for lunch and to say the least, she wasn't happy with her sons choice. In talking to her, and this isn't a surprise to me at all really, I think she has stayed in a marriage that she has questioned for many years but chose to stay and I think she does look back at it and think, what did I do. She told me she hopes husband gets into counseling so he can learn what he needs to about himself because he's still not taking responsibility, and that someday maybe we can work this out, but she stands behind me 100% in whatever decision I make. When I said to her that I don't want to stay in the marriage for the wrong reasons and look back another 27 years from now and regret it, she said, believe me I know exactly how you feel, do what is best for you. She is very upset with him that he did this to me while I was trying to deal with the death of my mother and understands that is something I truley don't know if I will ever be able to forgive him for. He talked to his mother last night and we agreed not to tell him I had already talked to her. I wanted him to take the responsibility, plus she wanted to hear his side without him thinking I said anything that he needed to defend himself against. Of course he told her that our marriage is over, I don't want to be married to him anymore, and that he had an affair that didn't mean anything, but that really doesn't have anything to do with why we are seperating. My mother in law didn't let him get away with the explanation of the affair and it not meaning anything, or that it has nothing to do with us seperating. She told him she thinks he drinks too much and that he should get himself into counseling NOW, because whether we save our marriage or not he needs to work somethings out for himself. He told her to same thing he told me. He doesn't need counseling, he just needs time to figure out if it's really his insecurities that make him feel that I'm not physical enough, or if it's really just me. So in other words he'll go out and try a bunch of relationships and see if the grass is greener on the other side and that will solve his problems. His brothers are in construction and real estate. They have an apartment he can move into for awhile and I will stay in the house with easy child daughter for now. I will go to counseling and sort out my life and he will move to the apartment and do whatever he feels he needs to to sort out his. I think what he thinks will solve his problems will put a definite end to our marriage, because he doesn't believe he's any of the problem, so he doesn't need to work on anything. So I have to do what I have to for me. I can't wait to go to counseling tomorrow. We have to discuss further when he's actually going to move out, but it will probably be shortly after my dad leaves next week. I'm really looking toward to the time and space. It's been very difficult because even though I've been enjoying my dad being here I have not had 2 seconds of privacy to deal with any of this and there are moments when I feel I am going to snap. I thank god I have good friends and family members that I can call 24/7 and say HELP, I'm going to snap. And of course all of you hear keep me pretty sain. I'll keep you all posted. Oh I forgot the part about him being influenced by a bunch of new friends who don't even know me. When I asked him yesterday if he gave anymore thought on getting a place, he came out with, no that would be abandonment and everyone is telling me not to leave because if this gets nasty I will lose the house. I snapped on that one. I said to him if you think for one minute I would ever not be financially fair in anyway through all of this, then you don't know me at all. I told him I have never had a thought of taking everything from him and that I want us both to come out of this happy and comfortable and be able to move on with out lives, and if we do this in a mature manner and work things out ourselves, there won't be a problem, but if he's going to let people who don't even know me, and who barely know him, influence his thoughts and make him believe things that he knows I would never do, then it will become nasty, and it will be his doing, not mine. I'm thinking we can do this without an attorney. His mother is telling me I should get one. I'll see how things start playing out first.