Looks like he'll be getting an apartment

[busywend]

That scenario would work for some and not for others. You just have to be the one to be comfortable with it. Try to anticipate every problem and how it would make you feel. I assume neither of you would bring in a date?!?!

Talk to your counselor for sure. She may have good insight or more life experience to pull from (her clients' stories).

 

[lovemysons]

I agree with the others...you likely need an attorney.
Thinking of you.

Tammy

 

[trinityroyal]

Karen,
My ex-husband and I lived in the same house while we figured out the details of our separation, divorce and living arrangements. He lived in the basement, and I took the main floor and upstairs. It was workable for the few months until he found a place, mainly because I left for work so early, and he came home from his job so late that we never saw each other at all.

Also, make sure that you get your own attorney. I made the mistake of sharing my lawyer with my ex in an attempt to keep things amicable. I'm still living with the repercussions of that decision, all these years later...my ex was convinced that he was going to get ripped off somehow, by me or someone else in the system, and made things so miserable for me that I gave up a lot to get rid of him. (Unfortunately, in the process, I left the door open for him to keep coming back, because I wasn't careful).

You are handling this situation so well...going to counselling, taking time to figure out what you want and need from this. Don't leave yourself vulnerable.

So very sorry about your mother. Please make sure that you take time to grieve for her. Don't let this mess with your H eat up all your energy.

Sending strength your way,
Trinity

 

[TerryJ2]

Sigh. So many decisions.
Good luck with-your mother's ashes. One thing at a time.

:flower:

 

[Marguerite]

Trinity is right.

Karen, you said, "So we will get an attorney " - sorry, YOU need to get YOUR OWN attorney. Don't share his - it will be a clear conflict of interest. He has hired an attorney to mediate, which is his way of saying to his attorney, "Do whatever it takes, but don't let my wife end this marriage and throw me out of my house!"

You need an attorney who will listen to what YOU need, which MAY include reconciliation, or may involve a peaceful dissolution - your choice.

As for sharing the same house during the separation - that is entirely up to you. Again, get your own independent legal advice on it (in terms of the fine detail, what you may do for him and what you should not) and then make your decision.

If at the end of all this, miracles happen and you decide to keep him, at least you will be making the decision with your eyes wide open and the benefit of sound, independent legal advice.

Getting your own attorney should not indicate that permanent parting of the ways is inevitable. But if at a later stage you choose that, then the groundwork is already done. If you choose to reconcile, there still should be no problem.

But you DO need to separate off legally for a while, to get a truly impartial opinion on what your options truly are.

Marg

 

[PonyGirl]

Karen, try doing some research about what the divorce laws are in your state. In my state, we have 50/50 division of assets & liabilities; a set amount for Child Support; stuff like that. Find out what the laws are, and you can make agreements different from those if you choose. It would be good to have a base-line to work from.

Also, you can always stop any proceedings at any time if you & husband decide to reconcile.

Thought of you a lot last night, with you in spirit as you spread your mom's ashes. I keep very strong memories of the day we did that for my mom...

...Under the big Pine Tree, in the Blueberry Patch...

Peace

 

[DDD]

No No No Attorney Sharing. been there done that! It was NOT a wise choice. DDD