Looks like my post is gone....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Mar 7, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I found out yesterday after making phone calls that a surgical abortion is covered by our health insurance (80%) and then they will cover her IUD placement 100%. I even got the name and phone number of a doctor in network. I have made the decision that I will pay the co-pay if this is what she wants. I sent her a text yesterday letting her know what I found out and to let me know if she wanted the name of the doctor.

    I have not heard back.

    I have to admit, this is the least awful choice of some very, very bad choices... :(

    I bawled my eyes out having to make those calls yesterday. How horrible to have to sit there and explain that your child is a junkie and has been pumping meth into her body knowing she is pregnant. I suppose they hear it all the time, but it doesn't make it any easier to have it come out of my mouth. :( I seriously do not like her for putting me in this position.

    My only good news is thankfully, I had an unbelievably excellent review yesterday and my bonus is a lot more than I was expecting...
  2. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    PG, I am so sorry that you had to make those calls. And, as much as it hurts me to admit it, you are right, this is probably the best decision that can be made. It hurts my heart for you to have to go through this. Hugs to you, and I hope your difficult child will follow up on your offer.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    PG... :hugs: I hope to never be in your position... You are a true warrior Mom!
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    ditto the others, and more hugs.

    Congratulations on the bonus!
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG I am so sorry for your hurting heart also and I'm so impressed with your strength and courage. You are truly offering her a choice, one that even husband should be able to live with. When I read your post I felt a huge sigh of relief for you, like the burden is off you and yet is the least awful choice of any. While we all discussed what you should or shouldn't do you came up with what may be the best decision of all. You have come a very long way and I hope your difficult child takes you up on your offer, but regardless of what she does you can know in your heart you did everything you could, and isn't that what we all do for our difficult children. I don't for a minute discount the process you had to go through in your mind and heart to get to this point.

    Congratulations on the excellent review and bonus.

  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, but in my opinion you did the right thing.

    Gentle hugs.
  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    No words just lots of understanding, gentle hugs
  8. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Just saw this, PG...my heart goes out to you. I don't know how you keep everything together and manage to excel in your job, too. That is amazing. You don't give yourself enough credit for strength and perseverence.

    You did the legwork, it is now up to difficult child. Wouldn't be surprised if you don't hear anything; she may have changed her mind about the abortion, or she will wait till the very last possible minute and make it even more heartbreaking for everyone. Stay strong, you're a champ.
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    What woud I do without all of you???

    I don't feel strong. I just feel like I am going like I have to. Almost on autopilot. :(

    She doesn't even know truly how far along she is. Her sense of time is AWFUL. Who knows if she was even correct about when she had her last period. She won't truly know until she sees a doctor!!!! She may have another 3 - 4 weeks to decide, but she may not. So sick.

    I texted her again this morning because I didn't tell her straight out yesterday that I would help her - only what I found out. I texted her this morning and told her if that is what she wanted to do, I would help her, but in exchange she agrees to have the IUD implanted. They have a 10 year one now with no hormones in it. Sounds perfect to me. I told her it is her choice to make, but I wanted her to know that she had choices. I also told her that I never want to be in this position again.

    I think she knows the best thing to do is abort, even if part of her wants this baby. But I know she also has him in her ear all of the time and he is very religous and very much wants a child. :(

    The ball is in her court. All I know is I cannot and will not raise any children. I will refuse and that will be heartbreaking, but I just can't do it. I don't want to do it. She has stripped me from any joy one would have in raising children. I am looking forward to when easy child graduates in three years. Starting over is the LAST thing I want to do. :(
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My heart goes out to you PG, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are displaying so much courage and at the same time, so much love. Many gentle hugs coming your way.........
  11. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hi PG,
    Baby Daddy may want a child, but he if he is selling drugs, too, he is in no way fit to raise a baby, I don't care how religious he says he is. Like I wrote before the board glitch, you cannot be pro life and willfully destroy life at the same time. If difficult child consents to have this baby, due to his influence or not, he will be thwarted by cps anyway.
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    PG I so feel for you..... and you are doing an amazing job of figuring out your boundaries and what you will or will not do. I have to say I would not want to raise a child whose mother was doing drugs while pregnant... we have already raised our difficult children and that child will not be easy to raise. So I think you are good to be clear about that now. You have absolutely done all you can do and now it is out of your hands and up to her.

    And the fact you are doing well in your job speaks volumes about how well you are detaching and are even though it is heartbreaking finding ways to go on with your life. That is great news.

  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Oh he will probably be back in jail. He is having to pay the bail man every week to stay out of jail. Wonder how he is coming up with that money. Sooner or later they are going to get caught. I am still desperately also trying to get a hold of the probation office to give them a heads up to test her - often. I am shocked she is not in jail. I know she has not tried finding a job. She claims she has been doing it "online". To me, she should be going door to door putting effort into it. She also hasn't done the community service, nor gone to the doctors, or heck - anything she is supposed to be doing!!

    But, you are right - I gave her the options, nothing more I can do now. It is horrible putting on this charade for my husband's family. Like everything is hunky dory and they ask about her and the baby to be. Puke. I am an awful liar. Thankfully husband does the majority of it.

    Work has been insane and I work an average of 14 hours a day. That should be easing some now and as of March 11th, I will be someone's manager. And she is thrilled to have me as her boss. :) My career is going so well thank goodness. So, it is easy to drown myself into work to try to not dwell on the nightmare happening right now... :(
  14. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi, Patriot's Girl!

    I know how hard this is for you, and just know that you are doing the right things. I am so glad I found this forum. It is so difficult to talk to others without the fear of being judged and blamed.

    We are going through something similar. Our difficult child is a male whose girlfriend is due to give birth and day now. Only difference is that I don't think she is on any drugs, but then, who really knows?

    We would have paid for an abortion if asked, but she was already 6 months along when we found out. We still pray they will give it up for adoption but they are way too selfish to do that.

    We too are standing firm on on not enabling them to keep the child. We would adopt the child and raise it ourselves but we won't support them financially to allow them to keep it and continue to not work and take drugs. The hope is that it will be too much trouble for them and they will release him for adoption, or they will step up to the plate and become responsible parents. Anyhow, we will have CPS on speed dial. If they start asking up to provide necessities and we feel they are neglecting the baby or not able to give it what it needs, we will call.

    I know how you feel when talking to the in-laws. My hubby still hasn't told anyone on his side about the baby. He is so ashamed. His nephew of the same age as difficult child is pre-medication, other niece and nephew are college grads and both starting their own businesses. I had to tell hubby's mom not to ask hubby about difficult child anymore because it just upsets him.

    Stay strong, I will check back for updates on your situation!
  15. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm so incredibly sorry this is all transpiring at all, yet I want to also chime in that I think you are handling this remarkably well! I figure you probably feel run over by a truck, but you're handling this so well on top of excelling at your career. That's a pretty fantastic combo. You are a true warrior.

    I think you've given your difficult child the right options of what you will and won't do for help. And as everyone else says, it is now up to her and you can know in your heart you did all that you could, which ultimately I think for mom's is where we need to be in these impossible situations.

    Hang in there and I'm keeping you all in my thoughts.
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much everyone!! I have not heard a word from her, yet... :(

    I am working on keeping detached and focusing on my work instead. At least I have control over my work...
  17. PG, I admire your courage and the way you are handling the situation with your difficult child. I wish i had this kind of strength right now. Lots of prayers from this end and i hope for the best for you and your family. Congratulations on your success at the job front.
  18. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    PG I am so sorry for your pain and anixety over this situation. You have set strong boundries and have been very clear on what form of help you are willing to give. The ball is in her court. I hope and pray she does the right thing. Congrats on your great review and bonus. It is nice to be validated. -RM