Lord when is this going to end ?/ vent #2!

[prayerful]

well my son was suspeneded from school for 2 weeks for threating a second grader and he is now on probation at school if he is to return with any more promblems he is exspelled . Well he been back in school for less than a week and he has been suspended for two days until 11/9/07! for cursing in the lunchroom he threw a F bomb and i was so upset because i had to walk to pick him up because car doesn't work and no other transportation . I am really at my witts end now i don't know what to do or where to turn for help.

Every one say spank him what a waste of time to spank and talk and punish and cry and ask questions when he shows no remorse and acts like he does no wrong he always has an excuse it is never him always some one else . I am so tired :crying: i don't want anything bad to happen to my son ,but all i try and nothing is working and i know i can't give up on him ect.

well i am human and i have feeling also eventhough no one seem to give a flying flip. i have been going through this with him since he was 3 he is 11 that is 8 years of doctors and back and forth to schools i am now tired not only phyiscally but mentally i feel as though nothing i do is good enough and that maybe i should let him just go to juvenile they want to send him because of the fact he threaten to shot a boy in the head . i don't know? have not a clue ? just keep me in your prayers and hope that i be able to handle it when he is kicked out of school it going to happen i feel it in my soul :sad: well thank you for giving me and oulet to vent and thanks for the great advice i have recived so far and thankyou to the people that take the time to read this and respond .


prayerful

 

[Anna1345]

Oh Hunny!!!! Hang in there. Always try to approach him with a positive attitude even when it is really bad. I am not sure sending him to juvi will help. He needs to believe that YOU believe in him and that YOU will stick up for him and be on his side when no one else will. This doesn't mean making him think he has done no wrong or that actions don't have consequences. Maybe instead of sending him to juvi, have him do some charity work like go with him to work in a soup kitchen, or maybe habitat for humanity or something. Does he have any kind of outlet like sports or martial arts or something?

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, dear.
So sorry.
So, do you have a plan now that he's home? I would take him off of all TV and video games to back up the punishment by the teachers/principal. I'd get him to help you with-chores, if possible.
Can you use a carrot and stick approach? Like, you'll let him watch 1/2 hr of TV if he does the laundry, dishes, etc.?

 

[prayerful]

he used to play football, but got in trouble for fighting. i put him in boy scouts, but once again he crossed the line with his behavior.

he knows i have his back i think that is the promblem ! and i have been calm for the last 8 years and i have hit rock bottom with my thoughts i am human and i feel like i am a bad parent and have no answers just confused now and need to vent and think . have alot on my plate my husband hurt his back he needs me my 1 year old daughter teething and she needs me my son just decides he wants things his way all the focus on him and i give and give and who is here to give to me no one . :grrr:
:nonono: :sad: :bloodshot: :tissue:

 

[prayerful]

he has no tv and no viedo game no phone time no nothing and he has to do all his home work by 7:00 pm because after that time i am going to relax and forget about today and hope that tommorrow is better .

 

[Steely]

WAIT................Legally they cannot kick him out of school if he has emotional issues. They have to provide a free and appropriate public education.

Has he been tested by a psychologist?

If not, he needs that asap! Once that is in place, and his diagnosis are in place, than your son needs an IEP. Does he have that?

An IEP will protect your son from getting kicked out. They may choose to send him to an alternative school, but they cannot expel him. It will also put a limit on how many days he can receive suspension.

You are going to have to fight to get your son what he needs! That is why we are called warrior moms - we fight for our kids entitled rights - because they need us!
:warrior:
Also, the medications your son are on, could be making his moods worse. Anti-depressants can activate children, and make them less inhibited, causing them to say crazy things like "they want to shoot someone". When was the last time you met with the psychiatrist to talk about medications, and possibly made some medication adjustments?

I know how hard and tiring this is......I have been through it all - ALL. Regardless, we were put in our kids life to be their advocate and make sure the world is giving them a fair chance. You are the only one who can do this.

You have a big family of support here! And we all are willing to help in any way we can. Hang in there!

 

[Star*]

Prayerful,

There is so much support and information here at this site that you can take advantage of.

My fist *ut oh* is age 11 and on Zoloft. A lot of the acting out he is currently doing could be due to that particular drug. Some people have good success with it. With my son (now 17) and myself it made us have suicidal thoughts. Not "planning" on my part but yes on difficult child's part. Twice. And you can't just take him off of it - they have to wean off. Check with your doctor.

As far as him acting out in school. Weeping Willow is right. If he's ED (emotionally disturbed) you should be able (BEFORE) he goes back to school to get a meeting together for an IEP (Individual Education Plan). If you have that in place and they kicked him out anyway - you need to see the district psychologist and explain what is going on. You need a plan.

Write back and let us know what you do and don't have for your son. I understand about being worn out, tired, not appreciated. You can get there pretty quickly when you live with a child who is a difficult child. HOWEVER - there is hope. When you prayed for patience - God didn't necessarily just go "BOOM" here's your patience. Nope he gave you situations to LEARN how to be patient. When you pray for strength, he doesn't just make you strong - he gives you situations (no car, kid kicked out of school) that make you stronger. At this point I think I am almost bullet proof.

I don't see where you list going to a counselor or family counselor. If you would be open to doing that it will teach you HOW to deal with your child, HOW to ignore your child, HOW to keep yourself from going crazy - and a lot of programs are on a sliding scale fee. Most are on the bus routes. Counseling is far and above the best thing we ever did for ALL of us.

But we'll start slow here and guide you if you want help.

Hugs
Star

 

[BusynMember]

OK, I'm a long time Warrior Mom who had a LOT of trouble getting her son diagnosed. And if you don't get the right diagnosis., you can't help him. in my opinion juvy hall won't help him--he's still so young.

1/Who diagnosed him and what did they say he had?
2/Has he tried medications? Any mood stabilizers?
3/Are there are psychiatric or substance abuse problems on either side of his family tree?
4/Did he have any delays--speech, poor eye contact, disinterest in peers, plays inappropriately with peers?

I would call a Childrens or University Hospital and have a neuropsychologist assessment. in my opinion, NeuroPsychs do the far best assessments and can give you a good idea of why your child behaves like he does and suggestions on what to do for him.

in my opinion your child also should be in Special Education so he can go to school. Do you have an IEP?
I would be more concerned about the neuropsychologist evaluation. I'd make the appointment, then demand to get services at school for your son--but I do NOT recommend letting the school be the ones who diagnose him. In general, schools do a very poor job of that. Ya get what ya pay for, etc. plus many times they have an agenda. The more they find, the more they have to pay.

 

[Anna1345]

Peaceful,

When I say he needs to know YOU will stick up for him and that YOU believe in him, this doesn't mean bail him out every time. I know you are struggling. But this is NOT happening because you are a bad mom! You are NOT alone! I know it feels like there is no other option but to give up because you just don't know what else to do. This is when you have pull strength from deep down -- you are stronger then you know -- and keep trucking. Sometimes it will be a day by day thing. Sometime minute by minute. Each day is a new day to start new. Each day you have to be consistent and tough, even when you think you can't go on any more.

Hang in there!!!!

{{{{HUGS}}}}}