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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 672059" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Kalahou,</p><p>I am just now getting caught up on what's been going on the past few days here on the site.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for sharing your update with us. I think you are doing really well in that you have a good understanding of the need for detachment. That's a good place to be.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It is good that you are recognizing the change in yourself. That is a huge step! We get to that point when we realize we cannot change our Difficult Child but, we can change how we respond and react to our Difficult Child.</p><p>It is very normal to have a lack of "feeling" when we get this point. We have become calloused, but not in a bad way. Just as a workers hands become calloused, that "hardening" of the skin actually protects the workers hands. Our hearts have been broken so many times by our Difficult Child that our hearts develop a callous, again, it's a way to protect us.</p><p></p><p></p><p>That's a tough call. I think it's important for you to continue building a relationship with your grands. As they get older they will come to realize the truth about their family dynamics and they will also come to realize that you and your husband have always been a constant in their lives. As for your son, you need to have very clear and defined boundaries. I would suggest you and your husband take some time to work through what your expectations are for your son, what you will and won't tolerate. Have clear consequences set in place and be prepared to follow through on them. Nothing sends a message more to our d-c's than a wishy washy parent who caves in that they can continue to manipulate us.</p><p></p><p>I think it's important for you to do what you can to maintain that bond with your grands. As they grow they will come to understand the dynamics of their family and they will also come to understand that you and your husband have been a stable loving force in their lives and that's a bond that cannot be broken.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you..........................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 672059, member: 18516"] Hi Kalahou, I am just now getting caught up on what's been going on the past few days here on the site. Thanks for sharing your update with us. I think you are doing really well in that you have a good understanding of the need for detachment. That's a good place to be. It is good that you are recognizing the change in yourself. That is a huge step! We get to that point when we realize we cannot change our Difficult Child but, we can change how we respond and react to our Difficult Child. It is very normal to have a lack of "feeling" when we get this point. We have become calloused, but not in a bad way. Just as a workers hands become calloused, that "hardening" of the skin actually protects the workers hands. Our hearts have been broken so many times by our Difficult Child that our hearts develop a callous, again, it's a way to protect us. That's a tough call. I think it's important for you to continue building a relationship with your grands. As they get older they will come to realize the truth about their family dynamics and they will also come to realize that you and your husband have always been a constant in their lives. As for your son, you need to have very clear and defined boundaries. I would suggest you and your husband take some time to work through what your expectations are for your son, what you will and won't tolerate. Have clear consequences set in place and be prepared to follow through on them. Nothing sends a message more to our d-c's than a wishy washy parent who caves in that they can continue to manipulate us. I think it's important for you to do what you can to maintain that bond with your grands. As they grow they will come to understand the dynamics of their family and they will also come to understand that you and your husband have been a stable loving force in their lives and that's a bond that cannot be broken. ((HUGS)) to you.......................... [/QUOTE]
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