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<blockquote data-quote="Seeking Peace" data-source="post: 672117" data-attributes="member: 19374"><p>kalahou,</p><p></p><p>Reading your post, I had a lot of ah-ha moments. Completely feeling your feelings as they have become my new normal. </p><p></p><p>Going from trying to fix and provide solutions for our adult children, glimmer of hope, to really not only feeling detached emotionally to physically too. I felt very guilty for a long time about even feeling that way, or responding in that fashion, because to me, it seemed so unmotherly. Coupled with Difficult Child reinforcing my own questioning of where I must have gone wrong, it took some time to release myself. Really, it was my therapist answering my question of, "what sort of mother leaves her child standing in the rain on the side of the road??", with "one who has tried everything to help them and nothing changed. One who is exhausted with the same thing day after day. That I am not the only one out there to help, but her first call because I always jump to help. She will call others if I stop responding." I don't know how many times I would see her calling and not answer for fear she was in dire need again.</p><p></p><p>I do often mention resources to her, but she never utilizes them. Just confirms to me she's not done playing the victim and taking ownership of her choices. </p><p></p><p>I tend to feel sad and disillusioned of what's real and what if when I have distance between us. I start to question my decision of her not living at home. But that's only cause it's not upfront in my face every moment reminding me of why she is no longer allowed to stay in the home. Sometimes it helps to remember those things when you feel your resolve dwindling. </p><p></p><p>What about grands still coming biweekly, but instead of son staying at house those weekends, arrange meetings away from the house where they can spend day together? </p><p></p><p>Hang tight, you're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Seeking Peace, post: 672117, member: 19374"] kalahou, Reading your post, I had a lot of ah-ha moments. Completely feeling your feelings as they have become my new normal. Going from trying to fix and provide solutions for our adult children, glimmer of hope, to really not only feeling detached emotionally to physically too. I felt very guilty for a long time about even feeling that way, or responding in that fashion, because to me, it seemed so unmotherly. Coupled with Difficult Child reinforcing my own questioning of where I must have gone wrong, it took some time to release myself. Really, it was my therapist answering my question of, "what sort of mother leaves her child standing in the rain on the side of the road??", with "one who has tried everything to help them and nothing changed. One who is exhausted with the same thing day after day. That I am not the only one out there to help, but her first call because I always jump to help. She will call others if I stop responding." I don't know how many times I would see her calling and not answer for fear she was in dire need again. I do often mention resources to her, but she never utilizes them. Just confirms to me she's not done playing the victim and taking ownership of her choices. I tend to feel sad and disillusioned of what's real and what if when I have distance between us. I start to question my decision of her not living at home. But that's only cause it's not upfront in my face every moment reminding me of why she is no longer allowed to stay in the home. Sometimes it helps to remember those things when you feel your resolve dwindling. What about grands still coming biweekly, but instead of son staying at house those weekends, arrange meetings away from the house where they can spend day together? Hang tight, you're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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