Losing it

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by llamafarm, Oct 11, 2012.

  1. llamafarm

    llamafarm New Member

    difficult child is really tearing the family up. He is to the point that he cannot hold a conversation with me without it escalating to yelling, arguing, raising his voice, swearing, hitting walls, etc. I have the dullest voice now when I talk to him so as not to upset him. It doesn't matter. If I react with no reaction it causes anger, when I don't respond he is angry, one word answers upset him. Things are very difficult. Yesterday was the first day he threatened people outside the family. He was home when he did so, but it was about a neighbor and he said he was going hit this mother with a baseball bat. (I had to tell him he hurt the neighbor's son's feelings, the neighbor came over to tell me earlier in the day).
    I was concerned by the threat. But he was calm within 15 minutes. He lied about the situation too. His lying is pretty much a constant at this point. Whether it is an exaggeration of a story or switching blame to someone else, we can never depend on hearing the truth.

    We are exhausted. We have so much help, but it isn't helping. We have respite, a community support program, a behavior specialist, a behavioral plan (ughh) a psychiatrist, an entire team to discuss issues and support, but we continue to see things go down hill. I am guessing we are getting close to another trip to the hospital (two trips this spring) or a trip to juvie. My husband is falling apart and my ddd is coping in ways that can't possibly be beneficial. I am trying to hold it all together. It is getting harder and harder. My job is getting in the way of caring for difficult child and my family. He requires so much attention when he is home. I am starting to wonder when the sitters will start getting threatened by difficult child. I am hiring them to cover for husband because he just can't deal with difficult child anymore. What am I supposed to do?
  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Gosh, llamafarm, I'm sorry. This must be so difficult to live with and to go through. I can only imagine your distress, anger and fear. I wish I had wise answers and solutions but I don't. I just wanted to say that I can understand a little of how hard this must be. At least you have the support of your husband. I am sure others will have more constructive words. Hugs.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I can so relate to this. Luckily we are (at home ) in a little better place (I swear a huge part is the dog....I bring him everywhere with q) but i too have changed my own manner of speaking and I don't even smile as much because he yelled for years to stop. He always misperceives voice and facial expression. Not often can we.have a real.comversation but.its so.great.when.it.does.happen.
    I've never been able to have a sitter. I'd be worried about that too. Can you be up-front that he is saying things in the heat of the moment so they don't get as shocked and maybe won't press charges if they know you are wanting to know right away so you can do something about it? ( what that is? At least you can call in your supports and meet with the sitter maybe?)
    I'm really sorry it's so hard on all of you. I wish our kids could see that they'd get so much more of what they want if they could stop all the aggressive talk and behavior. They must feel awful inside too. Still, doesn't make it easier when you simply ask how the day went and get screamed at for always asking and its too hard to answer and why don't I just........blah blah including no one eles's bit**ing moms ask that .....or when I.don't ask and then get in trouble for ignoring him. No way to win.....
    Sigh....clearly other than just to keep on trying and hoping their brains mature I don't have an answer ...but I certainly can understand. Hugs.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am so sorry to hear this.
    When my son was like that 24/7, he was on drugs. When he's verbally abusive and angry just part of the time, it's food allergies or medication issues or a lack of sleep.

    So ... is your son on a regular sleep schedule? What other drugs have you trialed? What is his diet like? When you were separated from him in therapeutic foster care, what was his behavior toward them, compared to toward you? (I'm trying to figure out whether it's you, any adult or authority figure, etc., or whether it's video games, flashing lights, textures, etc. that set him off.)
    I know the feeling of being at the end of your rope. Many many many soft hugs. And peace and quiet ...
  5. llamafarm

    llamafarm New Member

    He has a very regular sleep schedule. It isn't the schedule we prefer but he does get 8 and a half hours a night. So that's not it. We've tried many, many medications over the years.. So many so that we are trying some again, now years later. Diet is alright. Weird hours but a great variety of foods. Not much junk because it isn't around to eat. He behaved at therapeutic respite. Only one disagreement, much like the ones he has at home, so explosive that the caregiver couldn't believe it AND didn't know how to deal with it.(great therapeutic respite, huh?)

    Now he is fighting respite tonight. Not fun. Fought last week too. Ughhh.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    He may still have sleep issues. Quantity of sleep doesn't replace quality of sleep - we need both.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Did the foster caregiver have any idea what may have precipitated the explosion? (Strange that she wasn't trained properly. So sorry to hear that.)

    I'm thinking a change of pace/place, and a change of medications, for sure.

    Many hugs.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Sure hoping he made it to respite!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    What did you decide to do? How is it going today?