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losing my peace of mind
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 275778" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Steely, </p><p> </p><p>You know - when I read your post I thought ut oh. I thought ut oh because you aren't in a place yet where you can read your own words and see what is happening in your life. I on the other hand see red flags. I debated whether or not to even say what I was thinking - but a post takes on and asks for all advice /well wishes so here goes. </p><p> </p><p>One of the first things I learned when I was in Narcanon sitting and listening to the people there who had done drugs and were clean - was that they moved a lot. A LOT. Why? Well I'm a prime example of that - my x moved us 44 times in 11 years. FOURTY FOUR. I'd barely get unpacked and we'd be moving again, and again, and again. Now granted you aren't having drug problems - but you have problems that arent' going to go away by moving either. THAT is why people with problems move a lot. They move or they shop (retail therapy) and the move gives them a clean slate, a fresh start, a place where they can start over and it is FABULOUS once you get past the stress of a move. YOU as I recall, had problems just moving and had to be air lifted - right? That is serious. But if you don't DEAL with the problems - you can move 100 times get that little euphoric feeling but when you wake up some day those problems and things you thought you dealt with well enough are still there. AND THEY WILL STAY THERE as long as you give them permission to ruin and roam in your head. How do you stop that? Well - I'm not a therapist - but that's what they are for. Bad thought hearders - lol. They help you round em up and send 'em packing. </p><p> </p><p>So you move, and you NEEDED to move - but now it's 6 weeks and the problems you had before you moved H's death, M's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and behavior are still there - with you. THEY didn't move anywhere. THOSE are your TWO BIGGEST problems. You've never gotten over the tragic loss and feelings of being robbed of your sister. How could you? Loosing her to suicide was immensely hard - she was your life, your love....and she left without saying good bye. I can only imagine loosing a sister. I lost an uncle who lived with us and took his own life in the kitchen - I didn't think it bothered me until - things started happening that I could NOT get rid of. And we moved, and moved, and moved....and nope - the uncle in the kitchen thing STILL got me. And DUde - well yeah - see DUde has been in a bunch of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and group homes and he's a lot better and in a lot better place mentally - but I AM STILL THE MOM, I STILL WORRY - but I worried myself into a stroke a couple years back - and that was it. I had to HAD TO FOR MY HEALTH find a way to deal. So I got therapy. </p><p> </p><p>No one wants to hear it - no one wants to talk about it. But the cold hard truth is - IF you have problems and block them out or SELF-COPE thinking "I'll be okay eventually" and eventually you are NOT? THen your self-taught coping is NOT working and now it's disrupting your life to the point where it's in your daily thoughts, bugging your sleep - and it's the same problems you had in TX.....(they just had a lousy mover so they got there 6 weeks after you did). YES all this is painful to talk about - but think about it differently - like.....</p><p> </p><p>If a memory is painful and I "cope" with it, and it still bothers me - how many times a day/week/month does it bother me? A LOT? Okay - A lot. So if I went to therapy and talked about this painful memory - and found out HOW I can help MYSELF cope - then I'd deal with it ONE MORE TIME and be done as 0pposed to dealing with it like a cycling style thought over and over and over with NO solution. SO deal with it? ANd find a way to move forward or DON'T deal with it and make a boatload of excuses why you can't get yourself to therapy - (and some I know are legit) and deal with it and then it's done. IT will ALWAYS be a memory - but it will just be that - a memory - NOT a painful daily occurence of racing thoughts that you have no control over. THATs depression - </p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry friend - I've sat back and watched and listened and heard and if I didn't give a dang I'd never say a thing. But you wanted to know how to keep your peace of mind - and I'm telling you what I see - you keep giving a piece of your mind to every problem over and over - and eventually you are not going to have a mind left to give. Why not give the problem to a professional who can guide you in fixing these thoughts and your mind once and for all so that instead of being sad all the time - you can have that sad thought, or miss your sister, or cry about your child - and then get on with your day. Therapy is all about learning how to move forward and not stay in the past. But it also gives us the skills to be able to recall the sad things - deal with them and make more room for happy things. </p><p> </p><p>YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY Steely - </p><p> </p><p>I hope you find your happiness path......</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 275778, member: 4964"] Steely, You know - when I read your post I thought ut oh. I thought ut oh because you aren't in a place yet where you can read your own words and see what is happening in your life. I on the other hand see red flags. I debated whether or not to even say what I was thinking - but a post takes on and asks for all advice /well wishes so here goes. One of the first things I learned when I was in Narcanon sitting and listening to the people there who had done drugs and were clean - was that they moved a lot. A LOT. Why? Well I'm a prime example of that - my x moved us 44 times in 11 years. FOURTY FOUR. I'd barely get unpacked and we'd be moving again, and again, and again. Now granted you aren't having drug problems - but you have problems that arent' going to go away by moving either. THAT is why people with problems move a lot. They move or they shop (retail therapy) and the move gives them a clean slate, a fresh start, a place where they can start over and it is FABULOUS once you get past the stress of a move. YOU as I recall, had problems just moving and had to be air lifted - right? That is serious. But if you don't DEAL with the problems - you can move 100 times get that little euphoric feeling but when you wake up some day those problems and things you thought you dealt with well enough are still there. AND THEY WILL STAY THERE as long as you give them permission to ruin and roam in your head. How do you stop that? Well - I'm not a therapist - but that's what they are for. Bad thought hearders - lol. They help you round em up and send 'em packing. So you move, and you NEEDED to move - but now it's 6 weeks and the problems you had before you moved H's death, M's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and behavior are still there - with you. THEY didn't move anywhere. THOSE are your TWO BIGGEST problems. You've never gotten over the tragic loss and feelings of being robbed of your sister. How could you? Loosing her to suicide was immensely hard - she was your life, your love....and she left without saying good bye. I can only imagine loosing a sister. I lost an uncle who lived with us and took his own life in the kitchen - I didn't think it bothered me until - things started happening that I could NOT get rid of. And we moved, and moved, and moved....and nope - the uncle in the kitchen thing STILL got me. And DUde - well yeah - see DUde has been in a bunch of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and group homes and he's a lot better and in a lot better place mentally - but I AM STILL THE MOM, I STILL WORRY - but I worried myself into a stroke a couple years back - and that was it. I had to HAD TO FOR MY HEALTH find a way to deal. So I got therapy. No one wants to hear it - no one wants to talk about it. But the cold hard truth is - IF you have problems and block them out or SELF-COPE thinking "I'll be okay eventually" and eventually you are NOT? THen your self-taught coping is NOT working and now it's disrupting your life to the point where it's in your daily thoughts, bugging your sleep - and it's the same problems you had in TX.....(they just had a lousy mover so they got there 6 weeks after you did). YES all this is painful to talk about - but think about it differently - like..... If a memory is painful and I "cope" with it, and it still bothers me - how many times a day/week/month does it bother me? A LOT? Okay - A lot. So if I went to therapy and talked about this painful memory - and found out HOW I can help MYSELF cope - then I'd deal with it ONE MORE TIME and be done as 0pposed to dealing with it like a cycling style thought over and over and over with NO solution. SO deal with it? ANd find a way to move forward or DON'T deal with it and make a boatload of excuses why you can't get yourself to therapy - (and some I know are legit) and deal with it and then it's done. IT will ALWAYS be a memory - but it will just be that - a memory - NOT a painful daily occurence of racing thoughts that you have no control over. THATs depression - I'm sorry friend - I've sat back and watched and listened and heard and if I didn't give a dang I'd never say a thing. But you wanted to know how to keep your peace of mind - and I'm telling you what I see - you keep giving a piece of your mind to every problem over and over - and eventually you are not going to have a mind left to give. Why not give the problem to a professional who can guide you in fixing these thoughts and your mind once and for all so that instead of being sad all the time - you can have that sad thought, or miss your sister, or cry about your child - and then get on with your day. Therapy is all about learning how to move forward and not stay in the past. But it also gives us the skills to be able to recall the sad things - deal with them and make more room for happy things. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY Steely - I hope you find your happiness path...... Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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