losing my son

[amazeofgrace]

sigh.............probably my 1st time posting on this board vs General. difficult child I is 17 and will be 18 in June. He has been on probation since this time last year when he broke into someone's home and stole something. He has been to JVC and to the shelter (he thought both were awesome!). I have services for him through the state which include an inhome therapist who comes on a weekly basis.

He has been fighting probation the whole time, but recently started a boot camp that runs for 6 weekends, in order to reduce his probation. Since he started the boot camp 3 weeks ago he has gone wild, the weird thing is he's going Occupational Therapist (OT) the boot camp and obeying the rules there, but when he's home, he's breaking curfew and has been coming home high. I asked him if the boot camp or his PO drug test and he just brushes it off as a "threat".

I know I need to call his PO and insist she violate him. Based on the empty nickel bags I have found in his room and the home made "pipe" in the car, I am very worried. But if he gets off probabtion and then gets in trouble after he's 18 it's a whole different ball game. I am so frustrated and lost about this he will hate me regardless. I feel like if I'd left X sooner maybe this wouldn't have happened.

 

[tiredmommy]

{{{Hugs}}} What an awful position to be in. I hope you are able to decide what the best action to take for your son.

 

[everywoman]

I've been in that position and it's hard to turn your own child in, but I can tell you that its easier than having them serve time in big boy jail, continuing to disrespect your home rules, committing a felony and having it on their record the rest of their lives. I would call PO. I would rather them let him know now they aren't playing instead of having it happen when it really will effect the rest of his life.

 

[DammitJanet]

I agree with EW. Do it now. You are lucky to be in a state where 17 is still juvy time. With June coming up fast you dont have much time.

 

[klmno]

AOG, you probably aren't aware of how things ended up with my son, who was also on probation, but it isn't good. There is no good answer in situations like this, in my humble opinion. I think that probation can lead some kids to think that they only have to worry about getting caught by a PO or some other person in the legal system and they no longer see us parents as an authority figure at all. Sometimes the PO can make this worse. But I digress. I would suggest calling the PO and telling him/her that he's pushing the limits. Feel out the situation- you might decide to turn him in for part of it, but not all of it. I do agree that he needs a knot yanked in his rear- again- and that it's better for that to happen while he's still in the juvenile system. I'm sorry you are in this position.

 

[Star*]

Amaze -

I read this and left then came back after digesting it. If you turn him him now at 17 - he will be violated. What sentence does that carry? I ask because here after they are 18 - going on 19 - they go to adult prison. Not county jail either. They figure if they aren't doing well in JCV (ours is Department of Juvenile Justice) that they can just go to prison. Just a thought.

Is there any other alternative for him? JCV with mandated rehab? He knows what he is doing in his Mother's home is wrong and yet he continues to do it. He doesn't do it at camp because.........(why?) what is it about that camp that keeps him straight there? That's the missing piece and what the PO and bootcamp director should focus on -

I'm so sorry your heart is so burdened. I don't know why but Pslm. 13 keeps rolling in my head - so maybe there is something in there for you.

Whatever you decide I'm behind you - holding you up.
Hugs
STar

 

[Star*]

AH ha - HAPPY DANCE - HAPPY DANCE - I saw your post in GEneral - HAPPY DANCE -

There is always another answer for our kids - I'm glad this came through on flying colors and loads of prayers....

I like the buttons pushed to get to the core problems too - I agree.

NOW maybe....Mom can breathe a little? Get out of survival mode....detach and deflate.

Hugs

 

[standswithcourage]

I agree with calling the PO too. I have called them several times on my son only for his own safety. He was violating every rule they gave him and causing us misery and himself harm. They finally listened. The did violate him which in turn got him off the streets. I was more worried aabout him on the street than anything. I still worry about him. I do love him very much. but when it comes to life or death sometimes you can intervene for their life.

 

[lovemysons]

amazeofgrace,
So sorry you are in this position. Have been there done that too with my oldest. Unfortunately, none of us know when the light is gonna come on for them so that they realize they can't keep using and breaking rules.
Even after juvie time for my oldest he STILL ended up in adult prison after being hooked on Meth and stealing from one of husband's employers.
I wish I had a solid answer for you. It's heatbreaking to try and do so much to get through to them...but they learn in their own time.
by the way, my oldest is doing fairly well now...still drinks but no meth and goes to work everyday. There is hope...

Hugs,
Tammy

 

[DDD]

Like Star, I am delighted that your son has a new opportunity. What a relief. Sending supportive thoughts and hugs to your family. DDD

 

[amazeofgrace]

difficult child I saldy is not the one going to new program, difficult child II (12) is I wish difficult child I was too though. seen ew post for latest details....it went from bad to worse

 

[DDD]

Sorry........it seemed too good to be true. DDD