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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626596" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It can get much better once you learn how to lovingly detach and go on with your life even though his life is not good. You are not one and the same...you are two different people and many of us have learned how to realize that and to detach from their drama, accept things as they are, and stop trying to change our adult children because we CAN'T change them...we can't change anyone except ourselves and we can change our reactions to our adult children's drama and trials and tribulations. It takes time, but it can happen.</p><p></p><p>Some things I find very helpful are:</p><p></p><p>Twelve step meetings such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon in which other parents are going through the same thing BUT others have been through it and are in Recovery and have very wise help.</p><p></p><p>Meditation, learening how to practical radical acceptance and mindfulness, which are things you can find all over the internet.</p><p></p><p>Therapy that focuses on my life. Yes, I can talk about my kids, but the therapy is to learn how to enjoy the rest of MY life, even when things aren't so hot for my grown kids.</p><p></p><p>Sitting at home and ruminating about your son, allowing critical people who have never walked in your shoes to castigate you, letting family/friends/anyone tell you what you should do when they have no idea w hat THEY'D do and isolation so that all you do is think about difficult child is harmful to both of you. You do absolutely no good for your son if you are crazy nuts because of him. Won't do one iota to help your boy. And allowing him to disrespect you is horrible for himself and for you.</p><p></p><p>Taking care of yourself comes first...when you learn how to do it, you WILL feel better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626596, member: 1550"] It can get much better once you learn how to lovingly detach and go on with your life even though his life is not good. You are not one and the same...you are two different people and many of us have learned how to realize that and to detach from their drama, accept things as they are, and stop trying to change our adult children because we CAN'T change them...we can't change anyone except ourselves and we can change our reactions to our adult children's drama and trials and tribulations. It takes time, but it can happen. Some things I find very helpful are: Twelve step meetings such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon in which other parents are going through the same thing BUT others have been through it and are in Recovery and have very wise help. Meditation, learening how to practical radical acceptance and mindfulness, which are things you can find all over the internet. Therapy that focuses on my life. Yes, I can talk about my kids, but the therapy is to learn how to enjoy the rest of MY life, even when things aren't so hot for my grown kids. Sitting at home and ruminating about your son, allowing critical people who have never walked in your shoes to castigate you, letting family/friends/anyone tell you what you should do when they have no idea w hat THEY'D do and isolation so that all you do is think about difficult child is harmful to both of you. You do absolutely no good for your son if you are crazy nuts because of him. Won't do one iota to help your boy. And allowing him to disrespect you is horrible for himself and for you. Taking care of yourself comes first...when you learn how to do it, you WILL feel better. [/QUOTE]
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