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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 626597" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I have definitely mourned the loss of my son or at least what I had hoped for him. I have mourned the relationship we had when he was young and wish we were as close now as we were when he was a little boy. I have mourned the loss of the dream of the man he would become and sometimes still do mourn that.</p><p></p><p>What I am learning is that I need to accept him as he is now even if it is not what I had hoped for him. I was realizing the other day that his moral compass is not the same as mine.... and he seems to have no problem with things I have a major problem with. But I cant do anything about that. He is who he is and all I can do is to continue to love him and support him in doing the next right thing... and not support him in doing the next wrong (in my moral compass) thing.</p><p></p><p>And yes it is vital to come to the point where you find a way to live your life and to even enjoy your life no matter what he is doing. I have learned to do that and so yes there is hope. I know for me there are blips in that when there is a current crisis... such as for me last week when my son was kicked out of the program he was in.... however I could see the good in that too.... he stayed sober and he got himself to court so that was progress. So it threw me for a couple of days but it did not slay me liked it used to.</p><p></p><p>So what gets better is where you are at and how you handle things. Your difficult child may or may not get better... none of us can predict that piece...and that piece is up to them not us.</p><p></p><p>And although we do not have the close relationshp we had when he was little we do have a relationship and he now will voluntarily tell me he loves me (which he did not do for years).</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 626597, member: 15801"] I have definitely mourned the loss of my son or at least what I had hoped for him. I have mourned the relationship we had when he was young and wish we were as close now as we were when he was a little boy. I have mourned the loss of the dream of the man he would become and sometimes still do mourn that. What I am learning is that I need to accept him as he is now even if it is not what I had hoped for him. I was realizing the other day that his moral compass is not the same as mine.... and he seems to have no problem with things I have a major problem with. But I cant do anything about that. He is who he is and all I can do is to continue to love him and support him in doing the next right thing... and not support him in doing the next wrong (in my moral compass) thing. And yes it is vital to come to the point where you find a way to live your life and to even enjoy your life no matter what he is doing. I have learned to do that and so yes there is hope. I know for me there are blips in that when there is a current crisis... such as for me last week when my son was kicked out of the program he was in.... however I could see the good in that too.... he stayed sober and he got himself to court so that was progress. So it threw me for a couple of days but it did not slay me liked it used to. So what gets better is where you are at and how you handle things. Your difficult child may or may not get better... none of us can predict that piece...and that piece is up to them not us. And although we do not have the close relationshp we had when he was little we do have a relationship and he now will voluntarily tell me he loves me (which he did not do for years). TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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