Love him but i need help.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mentallyworn, Sep 4, 2007.

  1. mentallyworn

    mentallyworn New Member

    Im so glad i finally found a place to talk abuot my sons disorder.The road with my son for the last 2 years has been full of rollercoaster ups and downs.We went for 6 months thinking that maybe its just a stage hell grow out of it.Then he escalated it by bringing physical violence upon his mother, grandmother,aunt,brother,and me his dad.We took parenting classes, i have taken anger management classes just to try to cope with this child.We have been slapped punched spit on called foul names and generally discarded as any authority in his life.We have removed toys tryed timeouts tryed grounding tryed silent treatment every parenting technique over and over again religiously.Now we have been going through school issues he enrolled this year in kindergarten in 4 weeks time has been suspended 4 times.My son has oppositional defiance disorder coupled with adhd. We have done our research online about this disorder wich is quite nasty.He has now escalated he school behavior to physical too just today he got suspended for throwing a dirt clod and hitting another child in the face.We tried to advise the school of his situation before he enrolled but they didnt want to hear our pleas for help and requests to enroll him in special education. So heres my thought do i take him to a child phycological hospital for evaluation do i go to the school board do i take him to another school and try again with a new school district?Im so lost and confused with him i have no clue where to go what to do with him.
     
  2. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Welcome, mentallyworn. You have a handful there! SO glad you came to join our group! Here you will have lots of suggestions and most of all....shoulders from those of us who have been there and done that!

    First of all, if you will do a "profile" on your family, it will help us keep everyone straight. It will appear at the bottom of your posts. Click on "My Stuff" at the top of the page and it will direct you.

    So sorry it's so rough at your house and at school. The very best thing you can do is get a complete evaluation outside of school, first. Then ask the school for their evaluation. That will take a little time. In the meantime, you need the book "The Explosive Child", which is often a bible for many of us on this site, though not everyone. With me, it helped to keep issues in perspective. My son is a little older now, but we've been through it all. School can make life even rougher than it was in the first place, that's for sure.

    Many more members will be along soon to welcome you. We'll do all we can to help and if nothing else......we can listen!! That is worth its weight in gold!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  3. trissa

    trissa New Member

    Hi Mentallyworn,
    I can feel for you. I feel you should indeed do both the school and get your child with a psychiatrist. Do it at a young age.
     
  4. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    See if you can get a neuropsychologist to evaluate your kiddo. These docs tend to spend more time with your child and you to determine the cause. From there, they give you a long report and may often refer you to a psychiatrist for medication, depending on the results. If you can't get in quickly, try adjusting his diet to all natural foods. I was amazed at the difference going organic made for my ADHD/ODD kiddo. It was a pain, a tad more expensive, but the behavioral changes was a huge plus.

    Welcome to the board! If you put this post in the "General" forum you may have more replies or maybe everyone else comes here too. I don't usually check out this subject because my difficult children are all school age, so maybe there are more like me who do the same. I'm not really sure! LOL

    You will find this board is a great support and many on here have wonderful advice to offer!

    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now!
     
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi Mentallyworn! Welcome to the board! This is a great resource and full of really bright people who've been handling a lot of this stuff for a really long time. Your son is very typical of a lot of the "difficult child's" (gifts from God!) that we all deal with.

    Once you've done your profile (it really does keep people up to speed when it comes to your posts), let us know:

    1. Is he on medication?
    2. Who did his mental health evaluation? Pediatrician, Neurologist? Psychiatrist?
    3. Did the school district do an evaluation on him so that he can get an IEP (Individual Educational Plan?)?
    4. In your post you mentioned a Child psychiatric. Hospital. Is there a children's hospital. nearby that you can call to request that he be tested by a Neuropsychologist? They test these kids for EVERYTHING!!! It takes a lot of time, and quite often it can take a couple of months to get an appointment., but at least get on the list (also, ask to be put on a cancellation list - that helped us get in quicker!).
    5. Read Ross Greene "The Explosive Child". As Pamela said, it's a great read to gain insight into how your son's brain thinks and works things out and it's not "clinical". Some of the examples that he describes makes it sound like he's hanging out in your living room.

    Let us know how it's going!

    Beth
     
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hi Mentallyworn & welcome.
    I think a kindergartner being suspended 4x in 4 weeks verifies that your request for assistance from the school is valid. You are going to want to send a letter by certified mail to the district's Special Education director requesting a full & complete evaluation as his being sent home (or suspended) is having a negative impact on his education. Sending the letter certified kicks in a time frame for the school to respond and start the evaluation process. There are sample letters kicking around our Special Education & Special Education Archive fora. Another tip is to stay off the telephone when dealing with the school district from this point forward. Do all correspondence by letter or email.
    A few more questions...
    If he's on medication, has there been an improvement or worsening of his symptoms since starting the medications?
    Has he had any chronic or serious physical illnesses?
    How was his early development? Did he meet his milestones on time?
    Is there a history of mental illness, neurological issues or substance abuse in the family tree? Many of these issues can be hereditary.
    Does he have any friends? What are the circumstances of his problems at school?
     
  7. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Welcome,

    I agree with the other posters.
    1) Write a letter addressed to the principal requesting that the district do a full evaluation. Changing to another district isn't going to help you at this point. The written letter is important as it sets time lines in motion.
    2) Schedule an appointment with your pediatrician to talk about further evaluation and treatment options. Children with ADHD alone usually don't have this strong of a reaction to kindergarten. A pediatric neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician would be your best bet. Some medications can actually cause behavioral problems to increase so if your pediatrician has prescribed any medications you will want to discuss.
    3) Most of us have been through periods with out of control children and know it's incredibly difficult. Do get the book "The Explosive Child". You need to take the attitude right now that this isn't your child's fault and that he needs help. Back down on extra expectations--make keeping him and others around him safe.

    Hang in there.
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi! So sorry you needed to go looking for us, but happy you found us.

    I know that Explosive Child is very popular with some, but I personally prefer Love and Logic. You can check out the love and logic ideas at their website (www.loveandlogic.com). There are lots of free articles, downloadable printouts and downloadable audio files.

    Explosive Child was very hard for my hubby. It just felt like giving in to my difficult child all the time. The love and logic stuff made more sense to him, and changed our parenting.

    It has very practical ways to deal with our kiddoes, presented to parents, to teachers, and to therapists.

    I would strongly encourage a more in-depth evaluation because ADHD and other disorders are very hard to tell apart. ODD very rarely stands alone, it seems to be part of many other illnesses/disorders/whatchamacallits. (Sorry, brain is foggy tonight).

    There is info in the archives of the special education forum to help in writing a letter asking for the school to evaluate him. 4 suspensions from kdg is a LOT, and 4 in the first few weeks is mind-boggling.

    Can you somehow sit in on his class and see the dynamic there? It may be fine, it may not be.

    Many of us have been where you are. Hope we can help,

    Susie
     
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