Love how they think..........

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrscatinthehat, Aug 27, 2007.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Or not.

    We had the transitional staffing for difficult child 1 and as far as staffings go it went all right. But as I kept listening something was missing.

    There was talk of school, housing, employment. The different programs to assist her with this money and that money for various things since she will age out of the system and not at home with us. (I do have some issues with this but that is a whole other tantrum of mine.) The transitional worker asked her questions about things she would need to know how to do..cook, clean, manage money (yeah right) and a variety of other things. They talked about the various things she will have an advocate for until like 21.

    When I was asked if I had any questions my firs comment was after taking notes through everything that once I had a chance to go over everything I am sure I would have many.

    As time progressed the two social workers got off the phone and it was the two staff workers, husband, difficult child and myself.

    It occurred to me which component was missing. What of her continued mental health care etc? difficult child thought that it would be over when she aged out and would not have to see anyone.

    I took a deep breath looked at this child/teen/almost adult and said that if that was the choice she made to not continue her care and take her medications and her life went into chaos she would not be able to come back to our house. I said honest mistakes are one thing but I will not live in chaos if that is the life choice she makes. I explained it in detail what I meant. husband actually added input and backed me up (bless the man). The two staff workers said that it should be a lifelong thing for her to continue therapy and medications. So they backed that up. She sat there and I know what I saw pass behind those eyes. She doesn't care. She hears all of this money she is going to get because she is aging out of the system and that she will make her own decisions.

    I know at that point it is not my call but dear lord I don't want to head down the road I see happening with her thoughts.

    Then to top off the day easy child calls to tell me she left her key to the house in her locker at school and that she couldn't get back in the school to get it. This with us three hours away if we were on the road back and we were not. So she told me she would just go to her friends to wait. I called the school and low and behold there was some folks still there. I called easy child back and made her walk back to the school again to get the key and told her to go home. The attitude flew accross the cell waves. To the point she said one too many things and is grounded.

    Now that we are home she is all sweetness. typical teen is almost as bad as difficult child behaviour. Not quite but some days real close.

  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    So your difficult child is seeing the dollar signs, with an otherwise glazed look in her eyes. I am so sorry. This is the age when we have to detach, and it is the absolute hardest thing in the world to do, because it feels like we are sending them into the lion's den.

    LOL@ your teen. I've been on the phone with my teen, and I swear I can hear her roll her eyes over the phone. Little miss sassy pants.

    (((((hugs)))) and strength for you to get through this.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry she had that look-hopefully while being in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) the light bulb will go off.

    And-oh do I hear you about the typical teen being almost as bad as a difficult child-some days I swear easy child is turning into difficult child.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I truly think that when kids hear that "aging out" speech, they simply grab onto one fact that grabs their attention and tune out all else. For most of them it is money if that is offered. For others it is coming home. Everything else that is said sounds just like the teacher in the Peanuts specials...Whaw waw blah waw.

    Maybe at a later date you can sit down again with her and go over things in shorter pieces. Give her visual aids such as a list as a reminder. I think I would laminate it so she cant just crumple it up.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    Letting go is so darn hard. Try to do something just for yourself today. Thinking of you MicheleL
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    difficult child 1 is 16 yrs. old. Although I'm not quite in your position, I often wonder what will happen to him if he refuses to take his medications or go to counseling. As much as I don't want difficult child 1 living with me anymore, I know that I'll have a very difficult time not worrying about him when he finally is able to move out. As someone else on this bb said to me awhile back, just because they're no longer in your house doesn't make it easier...

    Also, as my easy child gets older, there are definitely days when her behavior resembles that of a difficult child!!! TTs can also be so hard to deal with!!!

    I hope you get some "me" time today!!! WFEN
  7. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I know we have nine monthes for this. She gaduates then eight days later she tuns 18. We are going to be working on so many things. I just want to give her the best chance possible. I know it will be up to her i the end as always but.....I think he becoming and "adult" is going to :censored2: more than the other stuff because then we actually have no options but to watch. I don't know how those that are already doing it manage. Oh well.

  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear. I've got my fingers crossed for you all.