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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 372912" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>You are doing a good job. Just keep clarifying those rules/boudaries to her. Sounds like you need to reclarify them to yourself which you are doing.</p><p> </p><p>I find that sometimes Diva will get into a "DO IT NOW!! DO IT MY WAY!!" mode whenever she is in a bit of a panic. She has come up with the solution to a problem and wants to plow ahead with the plan with no consideration to the lives of the people involved to make it happen. It is her way of being in control of the situation. I need to then tell her that I do not have time to do it her way and that she best calm down and figure it out.</p><p> </p><p>Diva needs to learn to think ahead just a little bit more sometimes. Procrastination does not always work and usually will end up putting her into panic mode then the "DO IT MY WAY NOW!" attitude comes through with the first plan she can think of.</p><p> </p><p>When your difficult child gets demanding, she is really in a panic mode. She is trying to get everyone else pulled into that mode because if everyone is panicing for her, they will put on their blinders and take directions from her how to get out. You are doing a good job in keeping that emotional tie severed. Use your strength to pull her out of that attitude, "difficult child, this is NOT an emergency! Calm down! You need to figure out an appropriate answer to this problem!"</p><p> </p><p>Keep strengthening those rules/boundaries and when she starts pushing them ask her to calm down and think about what needs to be done in a way that is respectful to everyone. Asking/demanding for rides or anything at the last minute is very very disrespectful unless there is an emergency. Tell her she should not be treating anyone that way.</p><p> </p><p>If there is a way that you can help her in planning her week/month and maybe asking her how her plans are going to come about (such as "Do you have a ride to that doctor's appointment? You should check the bus schedule now so that you know when you will need to be ready to catch it")</p><p> </p><p>She has to be open to you helping her learn to budget her time and look at all her options or this conversation will not work. If you start with, "Do you have a ride to ......?" she may think you are either offering or controlling but if you start with, "difficult child, can I help you plan your week?" she may be more open to suggestions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 372912, member: 5096"] You are doing a good job. Just keep clarifying those rules/boudaries to her. Sounds like you need to reclarify them to yourself which you are doing. I find that sometimes Diva will get into a "DO IT NOW!! DO IT MY WAY!!" mode whenever she is in a bit of a panic. She has come up with the solution to a problem and wants to plow ahead with the plan with no consideration to the lives of the people involved to make it happen. It is her way of being in control of the situation. I need to then tell her that I do not have time to do it her way and that she best calm down and figure it out. Diva needs to learn to think ahead just a little bit more sometimes. Procrastination does not always work and usually will end up putting her into panic mode then the "DO IT MY WAY NOW!" attitude comes through with the first plan she can think of. When your difficult child gets demanding, she is really in a panic mode. She is trying to get everyone else pulled into that mode because if everyone is panicing for her, they will put on their blinders and take directions from her how to get out. You are doing a good job in keeping that emotional tie severed. Use your strength to pull her out of that attitude, "difficult child, this is NOT an emergency! Calm down! You need to figure out an appropriate answer to this problem!" Keep strengthening those rules/boundaries and when she starts pushing them ask her to calm down and think about what needs to be done in a way that is respectful to everyone. Asking/demanding for rides or anything at the last minute is very very disrespectful unless there is an emergency. Tell her she should not be treating anyone that way. If there is a way that you can help her in planning her week/month and maybe asking her how her plans are going to come about (such as "Do you have a ride to that doctor's appointment? You should check the bus schedule now so that you know when you will need to be ready to catch it") She has to be open to you helping her learn to budget her time and look at all her options or this conversation will not work. If you start with, "Do you have a ride to ......?" she may think you are either offering or controlling but if you start with, "difficult child, can I help you plan your week?" she may be more open to suggestions. [/QUOTE]
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