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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 372953" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>I am struggling to find my way through detachment, too. My difficult child, 19, thinks she's an adult - capable of being on her own. Unfortunately, she makes scary, dangerous, terrible decisions ... especially about guys. She cannot manage money - at all. She alternates between acting like an 8 year old and acting like a world-weary rebel. She has left my home and I've set clear boundaries about what I will and will not do for her. Or at least I think they are clear. I will not drive her and her idiot internet boyfriend to look for aparments. I will not drive her to or from work - even if it's dark, raining, storming, hailing. I did, however, do this when she was at home. I will not pick her and I.I.B up and allow them to come to my home, however, I WILL pick her up and see her one-on-one. I will not give her money. I do call her frequently and, when we talk, I always say "I love you".</p><p> </p><p>Still, I'm not sure how to move the boundaries as time goes on. Eight days ago, I had a difficult child living with me. I dealt with things like lying, hypersexuality, eating issues, a tornado of messiness... stuff like that. Today, she lives with a virtual stranger in a hotel. Who knows what is next? I may have to set new boundaries as the situation unfolds, but I won't be lifting those already in place.</p><p> </p><p>Probably my biggest detachment issue has to do with her dad. I've been fighting to detach from his behavior through this. He gives her money, he drives her and I.I.B to and fromt he motel. His girlfriend took them apartment hunting and both he and girlfriend have had them to dinner, as though meeting guys online and moving in with them is perfectly acceptable. </p><p> </p><p>I keep repeating, I cannot do anything about him. I rage,and repeat.</p><p> </p><p>Sigh. It's hard. I've gained a lot of wisdom from the others here. Detaching with a difficult child is a real challenge. She's my only, so I have no idea what it's like to allow a easy child to spread their wings.</p><p> </p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 372953, member: 9175"] I am struggling to find my way through detachment, too. My difficult child, 19, thinks she's an adult - capable of being on her own. Unfortunately, she makes scary, dangerous, terrible decisions ... especially about guys. She cannot manage money - at all. She alternates between acting like an 8 year old and acting like a world-weary rebel. She has left my home and I've set clear boundaries about what I will and will not do for her. Or at least I think they are clear. I will not drive her and her idiot internet boyfriend to look for aparments. I will not drive her to or from work - even if it's dark, raining, storming, hailing. I did, however, do this when she was at home. I will not pick her and I.I.B up and allow them to come to my home, however, I WILL pick her up and see her one-on-one. I will not give her money. I do call her frequently and, when we talk, I always say "I love you". Still, I'm not sure how to move the boundaries as time goes on. Eight days ago, I had a difficult child living with me. I dealt with things like lying, hypersexuality, eating issues, a tornado of messiness... stuff like that. Today, she lives with a virtual stranger in a hotel. Who knows what is next? I may have to set new boundaries as the situation unfolds, but I won't be lifting those already in place. Probably my biggest detachment issue has to do with her dad. I've been fighting to detach from his behavior through this. He gives her money, he drives her and I.I.B to and fromt he motel. His girlfriend took them apartment hunting and both he and girlfriend have had them to dinner, as though meeting guys online and moving in with them is perfectly acceptable. I keep repeating, I cannot do anything about him. I rage,and repeat. Sigh. It's hard. I've gained a lot of wisdom from the others here. Detaching with a difficult child is a real challenge. She's my only, so I have no idea what it's like to allow a easy child to spread their wings. Dash [/QUOTE]
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