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<blockquote data-quote="7jewels" data-source="post: 374111"><p>Thank you, Bean, for the advice: Speak with love, be honest, put emotion aside. Like you, DenitaS, I have a tough time not detaching TOTALLY, which equates to UNLOVINGLY to my difficult child. But it's a process. Right now we're down to a few text messages a week; and even then, I can tell it's a control/manipulation game where every texted word has a role in her efforts to push boundaries. Trinity is right: the rules need to be clear. It's just that "lockdown" is no longer possible with "adult" (18+) difficult child's, in my humble opinion. ... unless I'm not understanding what Trinity means by that. It appear to mean that WE parents are the ones to make sure the consequences for boundary-pushing are implemented; well, I think that the world and natural consequences are the ONLY things that will nudge our difficult child's into the direction of wanting to change. I love my difficult child so dearly, but I refuse to remain sabotaged during her legal adulthood such that I'VE got to keep the rules enforced in her life. Too me that's not detachment; it's a reworking of "enabling". Does anyone agree?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="7jewels, post: 374111"] Thank you, Bean, for the advice: Speak with love, be honest, put emotion aside. Like you, DenitaS, I have a tough time not detaching TOTALLY, which equates to UNLOVINGLY to my difficult child. But it's a process. Right now we're down to a few text messages a week; and even then, I can tell it's a control/manipulation game where every texted word has a role in her efforts to push boundaries. Trinity is right: the rules need to be clear. It's just that "lockdown" is no longer possible with "adult" (18+) difficult child's, in my humble opinion. ... unless I'm not understanding what Trinity means by that. It appear to mean that WE parents are the ones to make sure the consequences for boundary-pushing are implemented; well, I think that the world and natural consequences are the ONLY things that will nudge our difficult child's into the direction of wanting to change. I love my difficult child so dearly, but I refuse to remain sabotaged during her legal adulthood such that I'VE got to keep the rules enforced in her life. Too me that's not detachment; it's a reworking of "enabling". Does anyone agree? [/QUOTE]
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