Lunch Room Drama, too much too soon

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Oct 5, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh, can't wait for this emotional wave to go by…usually hits me for a few days a month but doesn't seem like it could be time again so I am thinking I am just too stressed. I am typically super calm and can deal better internally than I have been doing the past week thru today....so sorry for the drama everyone :rollingpin:
    Ok situation one for this thread…
    the GOOD NEWS: School has recruited about 7 eighth graders to do some social skills training with difficult child. They sent a letter home (generic stating a 'special needs child' and some of the issues. Two of the parents even wrote letters thanking them for the opportunity…funny, we will see if any of them gets hurt.) But so far the kiddos are super excited. Keep bugging mr Admin-sp.ed. for their turn. They are going to do it systematically because he has had such issues with large groups. I gave permission to share basic etiology info and what to expect kinds of things (nothing so personal as his social background etc…) The kids all had to agree to confidentiality and respect and are being told they could be in a great deal of trouble if they ever break this.
    First couple of meetings have gone well. He is excited. In general he has been interested in hanging out with kids all summer as I mentioned before so it might be prime time to take advantage. But he is like a new born learning to walk…he will stumble.

    Now, the ISSUE: So now he is pumped and a little more confident. Instead of sitting at his normal 'special needs kids' table in lunch he is moving around to where he knows other kids will sit (he goes first to lunch because he runs and bashes thru kids so they at least stopped consequencing that and just got rid of the issue. )

    Sometimes the kids just don't sit with him so HE moves….(obviously doesn't get the unwritten rule that once you sit in a spot you sit there for the rest of your LIFE). Sometimes they get up and move away from him. So today about 5 random boys sat by him. MR administrator for sp. needs. Sees them cracking up and finds out difficult child is swearing and they are all laughing. Mr. A-sp.needs says to me that he told difficult child that all kids get in trouble for swearing…I respectfully laugh, NO THEY DON'T…they just know better than to get caught! I hear them in the halls and outside…many of them swear. But again, that is my son's issue, very very clueless and super reinforced by the attention (very lonely kid, just can't figure out the friend thing on his own). Mr A clues the boys in so they know just to say that is not appropriate, and when the attention stops, difficult child throws his apple across the room to try to hit the trash can. MR Principal and VP are standing there. Mr P tells mr A to take difficult child out and he can't eat in the lunch room for the rest of the week.
    OK fine, this consequence is good-he is not being kicked out of school or classes, and it is logical. We have to keep trying so fine. But, as usual he wont learn anything that stops it in the future, because there is always a new impulsive behavior,esp when he is seizuring and it seems he was head down sleepy and headache happening again after tons of impulse behavior..also complaining about body aches/head on and off all day…same stuff as what happens and shows when the eeg says seizure. Good thing we are gonna see doctor soon and start the new medication. But honestly….mr A who is on the planning meeting team for the BIP KNEW this kid has NEVER been in that situation before. It is too much too soon. There was no para like there is usually. So mr A is supposed to be running the behavior plan. They let it go too far. So he was set up for failure again. We had this other plan started, and they could have arranged for those kids to sit with him. Now after the meeting today that is what is going to happen but I just get so frustrated when he has to pay for adult mistakes.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2011
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I understand how you feel. Sorry they were not more on the ball. You are right - this was a failure from the adults, not him. If he is only out of the lunchroom Th and Fri, I would likely talk about future prevention and not fight the removal. If it lasts until next week then I would not allow it. A day or two is a lot different than a week, Know what I mean??

    At least they do the modifications that they do. It is more than a lot of districts will ever do.

    Could I ask a favor? Some of your posts are typed in a super small font. I think it is based on the size font chosen when you type it in because other posts are not that small. It is very hard to read, so could you use a bigger size in the future? Thanks.
     
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh yes, I totally agree...AND I never contradict them even if I disagree once difficult child knows of the decision because I dont ever want him to think we are on different pages. That discussion is all in private. We now have it worked out that after the two days out, he will sit at his "safe" table and little by little the guys who have been "trained" to socialize will be added to the mix. They dont have to eat with him daily....they will take turns so they can be normal kids with friends too on the other days. Breaks my heart he wants friends so badly. Just to be one of the guys.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2011
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Ok I just enlarged the quote I copied from your post.... is that better? On my computer my posts look exactly the same size as the one you just sent...they are all the same, mine look no different except for a few people who use really large fonts. I wonder???? I will just select all and pick number 2 instead of 1 on the size thing that is here...I think I have a technology poltergeist! Do you all not use font size 1? Because your posts look the same as mine do? This seems huge compared to most of your posts... Just let me know if it grows or shrinks and I dont realize it!

     
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Ok when I posted it part of it shrunk agan...sorry I may not be able to control this
     
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Okay, see where it says "Size" in the reply box options? Before you start typing, pick "3".
     
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Ok, I will. It seems really huge on my screen but that is fine...if it goes thru that's great. Thanks. I had no idea because this looks totally different than what all of the other posts look like. Must be a glich in my computer and the site. Thank you very very much.
     
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    That is a little bigger than the usual fonts, but waaay easier on the eyes than size 1. Thanks!
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah easier on my eyes too. Maybe we can get Cheryl to change that to the normal size font! I will ask her.

    Buddy. Your son kinda reminds me of the kid on Parenthood. Have you ever watched that show. Now he isnt quite as severely impaired as your son but he does have very severe aspergers. I think he is more Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) actually. He really has rages. The show last week was about the lunch room and he was upset because he thought his little cousin should sit with him constantly because they started school sitting together the first day and the cousin is neuro-typical and I think in first grade the aspie kid is in 5th grade and wanted the little boy to sit with him everyday but the little boy wanted to sit with his friends after while. When he did the older boy got really mad and knocked his cousin to the ground.
    thank you
    Im thinking maybe you could have one person who rotates in with your son so he doesnt get stuck on one person but that person is with him constantly...they get their lunches together, they throw their lunches away together, they do everything together so the neuro-typical kid can show your son what is supposed to be done and maybe your son will pick up some clues.
     
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Yeah, I do watch that but I missed the last one...will watch it online. Funny one show the dad took him to the amusement park and Max (the aspie) didn't want to go (upset his routine) and then when things didn't go as planned once there he had a huge melt own. I had just gone thru that with difficult child. The Mall of America has a free day every year to film their background commercials. difficult child never misses school and I was offering a bonding day (haha, smile...for me i guess) and he very nicely said, "well, that is a very hard decision." Unlike the Parenthood dad, I just said, well it is totally up to you, just let me know so I can tell the bus if I need to. In the end he told me...(he often puts his statements in the form of a question) "do you think if I go then it is a better idea because I can go to school every day?" I said yeah, that is what I was thinking...he decided to go and we had a great time. As many free rides as he wants.
    ""
    Another difficult child funny....when he rode big roller coasters he apparently noticed something. He said, MOM! You have to take me to the doctor.... I asked what was wrong. He whispered "My p*n*s is afraid of the rides!"
     
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL. Too funny. I love Parenthood. Its one of the shows I watch every week. NCIS, NCIS LA, Parenthood. On Tuesdays...lol
     
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