M update - for what it's worth...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Mar 14, 2010.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband helped M move into his apartment yesterday instead of getting ready for our vacation. Z wasn't around. I think he was at work. M calls last night about 8:15. Z has pulled the modem out of the apartment, so M can't get online to do his homework. Of course, they haven't moved in yet, really so maybe Z just hasn't unpacked it.

    M's in angry mode. He's going to tell Z's girlfriend that he cheated on her. "What's that going to accomplish for you?" It's going to make trouble for Z. "What does that get for you that's going to help you?" Nothing. But his life is miserable, he has no friends, he seems to lose whatever friends he has and has to start over all of the time. He has no ties to anyone.

    This is the kid who always told us proudly "I never say 'I'm sorry' to anyone for anything." He told husband on Friday that he would apologize to Z if that's what it took to keep it together while the rent ran out. Now he's angry. He regrets having lost his temper "But I never forgive anyone." I didn't bother to tell him that this might be why he doesn't have any friends. I may have told him that he's too old for that.

    He's crying. He's lonely. What if Z comes home and picks a fight with him? "Walk away." But Z's telling all of his friends that he's out of control and the one that's acting out. "All the more reason to walk away." What, like just go to my room? (Said with great indignation.) Yes. What if Z gets physically intimidating with me? "M, you have to walk away. You're too big (6' 5") and you'll be too angry, no one will ever believe that you weren't the one that started it and you're the one that will get into trouble. Walk away and put up with it for a few weeks or a month until you can get out and get your own place then you can be happy and Z will be looking for someone else to manipulate." Well, I guess that would be a good thing to look forward to. But I'm lonely and it's hard at night when I'm alone... Can I come over tomorrow?

    I tell him that he can come over today, but we're going to be busy packing so we will be somewhat distracted. Somehow, in all of this turmoil, husband has neglected to tell him that we're going on vacation. Says he didn't want to upset M. What? He was going to be less upset when he tries to call us and finds that we're gone, or that we don't answer for a week?:mad:

    He has no TV, so I have offered to let him have some movies to watch on his computer. It'll be tricky, because we both like psychological thrillers from Britain, which tend to be pretty dark. So, I'll have to look for something in my collection that's more upbeat that he'll enjoy. Then I get to take the entire day that I should be packing and burn discs for him instead. Maybe I'll take him to Costco and buy him some good starchy foods, too. Then somehow we'll get up at 4:00 AM tomorrow and get off to the airport. And I'll try not to worry that he'll end up in jail, or hurting himself or someone else.

    I told husband that he had to talk to him about going to the school therapist and get some anti-depressants. husband resisted for years, and he has personal experience with the understanding that it can help to overcome those blocks that keep you from making the right decisions, even when you know that they're right. I told M that if he didn't know that I knew he was better than this, that he didn't have to get bogged down in the personal BS of others, I know this to be true.

    Needless to say, I got very little sleep last night. I'll try to find the time to update before we leave tomorrow.


     
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Well, wow. I hope you're able to pack, do those things you'd like to do for M, and go off on vaca without a hitch. I hope M can control his anger and avoid confrontations with Z. Sending positive vibes!
     
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    Oh Witz, I'm sorry to hear of M's struggles. I think the timing is PERFECT for a vacation. You need some distance and REST! Love, ML
     
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Agree with Jo. Hope you were able to pack up and go on vacation with little stress. Hope M calms down.
     
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    M is taking the bus over here this afternoon, and I am busy packing between making comedy CD's for him to watch. I told him to stay in his room and avoid Z. husband talked to him on the phone this morning and told him "You're going to have to face him sometime." I was right on that as he was talking and told him "no". M needs to not be around Z unless he himself is in a good mood. If he gets around Z and Z gets in his face, then M needs to walk away. "Oh, I guess your mom's right." GADS! Think about it, man!
     
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    M came for dinner, no crazy talk. Thank goodness. He used our shower "because Z stole the shower curtain". I had heard this before he came, so I bought him a shower curtain and rings, and gave him some old towels to boot. I told him he had to share the shower curtain with Z. Actually, all the talk about what Z stole is a little crazy, but at least there's no violence or anger involved. I made him a bunch of light type dvd's that he would enjoy. I outright told him to not get into any trouble or fights while we were gone. He said he wouldn't... We'll see. I'm going to finish packing and head to bed! Have a safe and wonderful week, all!
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds like Nichole as a child/teen. OMG she's used those exact words. lol

    She has been progressively growing out of it........no where near perfect yet......is currently having neighbor wars with her best friend who lives next door..........but is improving. I did get her to talk to the girl nicely the other day.lol Not that I'm overly worried about it. These 2 have been friends since 2nd grade. The bff knows Nichole better than anyone. They'll get over their mad and all will be right with the world again.

    But it's that same cut and dry, unyeilding type thinking that used to get her into sooooo much trouble with people.

    Now, you've got to tell me all about these British psychological thrillers, dear. I'll be on break for a week after this week..........and they sound mighty interesting..... :)
     
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