witzend
Well-Known Member
husband helped M move into his apartment yesterday instead of getting ready for our vacation. Z wasn't around. I think he was at work. M calls last night about 8:15. Z has pulled the modem out of the apartment, so M can't get online to do his homework. Of course, they haven't moved in yet, really so maybe Z just hasn't unpacked it.
M's in angry mode. He's going to tell Z's girlfriend that he cheated on her. "What's that going to accomplish for you?" It's going to make trouble for Z. "What does that get for you that's going to help you?" Nothing. But his life is miserable, he has no friends, he seems to lose whatever friends he has and has to start over all of the time. He has no ties to anyone.
This is the kid who always told us proudly "I never say 'I'm sorry' to anyone for anything." He told husband on Friday that he would apologize to Z if that's what it took to keep it together while the rent ran out. Now he's angry. He regrets having lost his temper "But I never forgive anyone." I didn't bother to tell him that this might be why he doesn't have any friends. I may have told him that he's too old for that.
He's crying. He's lonely. What if Z comes home and picks a fight with him? "Walk away." But Z's telling all of his friends that he's out of control and the one that's acting out. "All the more reason to walk away." What, like just go to my room? (Said with great indignation.) Yes. What if Z gets physically intimidating with me? "M, you have to walk away. You're too big (6' 5") and you'll be too angry, no one will ever believe that you weren't the one that started it and you're the one that will get into trouble. Walk away and put up with it for a few weeks or a month until you can get out and get your own place then you can be happy and Z will be looking for someone else to manipulate." Well, I guess that would be a good thing to look forward to. But I'm lonely and it's hard at night when I'm alone... Can I come over tomorrow?
I tell him that he can come over today, but we're going to be busy packing so we will be somewhat distracted. Somehow, in all of this turmoil, husband has neglected to tell him that we're going on vacation. Says he didn't want to upset M. What? He was going to be less upset when he tries to call us and finds that we're gone, or that we don't answer for a week?
He has no TV, so I have offered to let him have some movies to watch on his computer. It'll be tricky, because we both like psychological thrillers from Britain, which tend to be pretty dark. So, I'll have to look for something in my collection that's more upbeat that he'll enjoy. Then I get to take the entire day that I should be packing and burn discs for him instead. Maybe I'll take him to Costco and buy him some good starchy foods, too. Then somehow we'll get up at 4:00 AM tomorrow and get off to the airport. And I'll try not to worry that he'll end up in jail, or hurting himself or someone else.
I told husband that he had to talk to him about going to the school therapist and get some anti-depressants. husband resisted for years, and he has personal experience with the understanding that it can help to overcome those blocks that keep you from making the right decisions, even when you know that they're right. I told M that if he didn't know that I knew he was better than this, that he didn't have to get bogged down in the personal BS of others, I know this to be true.
Needless to say, I got very little sleep last night. I'll try to find the time to update before we leave tomorrow.
M's in angry mode. He's going to tell Z's girlfriend that he cheated on her. "What's that going to accomplish for you?" It's going to make trouble for Z. "What does that get for you that's going to help you?" Nothing. But his life is miserable, he has no friends, he seems to lose whatever friends he has and has to start over all of the time. He has no ties to anyone.
This is the kid who always told us proudly "I never say 'I'm sorry' to anyone for anything." He told husband on Friday that he would apologize to Z if that's what it took to keep it together while the rent ran out. Now he's angry. He regrets having lost his temper "But I never forgive anyone." I didn't bother to tell him that this might be why he doesn't have any friends. I may have told him that he's too old for that.
He's crying. He's lonely. What if Z comes home and picks a fight with him? "Walk away." But Z's telling all of his friends that he's out of control and the one that's acting out. "All the more reason to walk away." What, like just go to my room? (Said with great indignation.) Yes. What if Z gets physically intimidating with me? "M, you have to walk away. You're too big (6' 5") and you'll be too angry, no one will ever believe that you weren't the one that started it and you're the one that will get into trouble. Walk away and put up with it for a few weeks or a month until you can get out and get your own place then you can be happy and Z will be looking for someone else to manipulate." Well, I guess that would be a good thing to look forward to. But I'm lonely and it's hard at night when I'm alone... Can I come over tomorrow?
I tell him that he can come over today, but we're going to be busy packing so we will be somewhat distracted. Somehow, in all of this turmoil, husband has neglected to tell him that we're going on vacation. Says he didn't want to upset M. What? He was going to be less upset when he tries to call us and finds that we're gone, or that we don't answer for a week?
He has no TV, so I have offered to let him have some movies to watch on his computer. It'll be tricky, because we both like psychological thrillers from Britain, which tend to be pretty dark. So, I'll have to look for something in my collection that's more upbeat that he'll enjoy. Then I get to take the entire day that I should be packing and burn discs for him instead. Maybe I'll take him to Costco and buy him some good starchy foods, too. Then somehow we'll get up at 4:00 AM tomorrow and get off to the airport. And I'll try not to worry that he'll end up in jail, or hurting himself or someone else.
I told husband that he had to talk to him about going to the school therapist and get some anti-depressants. husband resisted for years, and he has personal experience with the understanding that it can help to overcome those blocks that keep you from making the right decisions, even when you know that they're right. I told M that if he didn't know that I knew he was better than this, that he didn't have to get bogged down in the personal BS of others, I know this to be true.
Needless to say, I got very little sleep last night. I'll try to find the time to update before we leave tomorrow.
