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Made it thru today. Now what tomorrow? And the bad teacher got a reprimand.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 212382" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Shari, you said, " if he needs someone to step in, I'd rather it be me than this other teacher. I don't want to, but I can be there in 2 minutes, and that is a much better alternative."</p><p></p><p>Way To Go!! I think that is very wise and I am sure the director values your broadminded and generous approach. I try to work the same way - I do see where you are coming from. My main message earlier, and I do think you saw it as I intended it - just keep self-monitoring to make sure that your generous and understanding approach with the school is not being taken advantage of by them, in that they take the time you are buying them and don't take action as fast as they should.</p><p></p><p>An example I can think of - a company with an incompetent but very nice employee sacks him, but says, "We understand you're struggling at home so we will keep you on in this job until you find alternative employment." A generous approach - and as long as the employee DOES genuinely go looking for another job, then the generosity is not abused. But sometimes the employee either through laziness, incompetence or wanting to take full unfair advantage of the generosity, fails to find a replacement job for months. What should the company do?</p><p></p><p>In the above example, YOU are the company, the school director/school in general is the employee facing the sack.</p><p></p><p>The way to stay on top of this and still maintain your generous spirit is to keep in touch with the director for progress reports on what actions they are taking/strategies they are putting in place.</p><p></p><p>A school-based example (from our local school) - they were told with about 18 months' notice that a little girl would be starting kindergarten there, needing wheelchair access. The school is fairly old and the main administration buildings are two-storey. All of the buildings, including the old wooden buildings, had steps. Some had at least 6 steps. The school's reaction at first was to say, "It can't be done, it will cost to much to bring in these changes for just one student," and to then DO NOTHING about making enquiries and at least finding out how much it would cost, how long it would take and who would pay for it. So instead of using the time they had, they chose the ostrich approach/ A year later with six months to go, the parents contacted the school again. When would construction of the ramps begin? </p><p>The school reacted with "Oh, you were serious?" and went into panic mode, trying to get things organised because by this stage the parents were beginning to use words like "discrimination" and "lawyer". It was funny - I had the principal and a couple of the teachers crying on my shoulder on one side, and the parents on the other, all complaining about it.</p><p>I finally pointed out to the school - the law was requiring ALL new buildings to have disabled access and by doing it this way, the school was getting the Federal Government to pay for it and not having to run interminable cake stalls to do it. It was also about this time that I told the school that they were behaving, as an organisation, like an individual with autism - especially with regard to trying to be obstructive purely out of fear of change.</p><p>End result - the school bit the bullet and began the changes. In the meantime they had to relocate the kindergarten classroom to the building easiest to modify. By the time the little girl was in 1st grade the two-storey admin building had ramps, something for which I am VERY grateful. And so are many other non-disabled people especially the delivery guys with trolleys of paper reams.</p><p></p><p>They are nice people - they just don't like confrontation and they don't like change. You just have to recognise this but keep needling them to make it clear that you and the problem are NOT going away quietly; if it wasn't you complaining or forcing an issue, it would be someone far less polite.</p><p></p><p>You are doing great and I think your difficult child has a gem of a mother.</p><p></p><p>On the subject of what is in difficult child's future - I have just spent a few hours talking to difficult child 3's godmother about him and where he is now - when he was in Grade 3, he felt like your difficult child does now. He was a real concern and when he recalls it then he also recalls just how depressed he was. But with his current therapist and psychologist, they have been asking him the various assessment questions - "In the last month, how many times did you feel worthless, did you feel you hate yourself, etc?" - and difficult child 3's reaction has been an amused, "YOu are joking - never, of course!"</p><p></p><p>We've turned it around. difficult child 3 now knows he was treated badly, treated wrongly and is scathing about not only the kids who bullied him but also the teachers who failed to keep him safe and didn't give him the courtesy of listening to his fears and complaints. Despite this, he still greets old teachers (and even old bullies no longer bullying him) with genuine warmth. Not only is he "comfortable in his own skin" he is far more forgiving than a lot of people deserve.</p><p></p><p>What has done this - by using "Explosive Child" on him we are showing him respect, to teach him respect. And the first person he needs to respect and value is himself. When he sees us respecting him and also each other, he learns that he is worthy of this as well. It has empowered him, helped him KNOW he is valued and secondary to this he has learned that he is talented, capable, smart and therefore does not need to take on board anything nasty anyone says to him. He's also learned, as he sees us fight for his rights, that he HAS rights and they are worth fighting for. By doing it the way you are - with an air of generosity and cooperation - he is learning by our example, again, how to appropriately resolve conflict.</p><p></p><p>So many valuable lessons that can be taught, all the while that you are just trying to help your child!</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing great - keep your resolve up, keep doing what you are doing.</p><p></p><p>Oh, and a quick footnote - I haven't had the chance to share this titbit with husband yet - the friend I've just visited (difficult child 3's godmother) is also good friends with difficult child 3's old kindergarten teacher who has perhaps been the best advocate difficult child 3 had at our local school (it went downhill from kindergarten!). Apparently there was a staff meeting at the school discussing a difficult child who at that time not only didn't have a diagnosis they felt fitted but who also desperately needed more support and services than the school staff were able to access. The K teacher apparently spoke up and pounded the desk. "We need someone other than staff to be an advocate for this child and parents," said the K teacher. "What we need is another Marg!"</p><p></p><p>I'm flattered. And I really would love to know the reaction of some of the other staff present - I'm betting they were choking on their coffee!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 212382, member: 1991"] Shari, you said, " if he needs someone to step in, I'd rather it be me than this other teacher. I don't want to, but I can be there in 2 minutes, and that is a much better alternative." Way To Go!! I think that is very wise and I am sure the director values your broadminded and generous approach. I try to work the same way - I do see where you are coming from. My main message earlier, and I do think you saw it as I intended it - just keep self-monitoring to make sure that your generous and understanding approach with the school is not being taken advantage of by them, in that they take the time you are buying them and don't take action as fast as they should. An example I can think of - a company with an incompetent but very nice employee sacks him, but says, "We understand you're struggling at home so we will keep you on in this job until you find alternative employment." A generous approach - and as long as the employee DOES genuinely go looking for another job, then the generosity is not abused. But sometimes the employee either through laziness, incompetence or wanting to take full unfair advantage of the generosity, fails to find a replacement job for months. What should the company do? In the above example, YOU are the company, the school director/school in general is the employee facing the sack. The way to stay on top of this and still maintain your generous spirit is to keep in touch with the director for progress reports on what actions they are taking/strategies they are putting in place. A school-based example (from our local school) - they were told with about 18 months' notice that a little girl would be starting kindergarten there, needing wheelchair access. The school is fairly old and the main administration buildings are two-storey. All of the buildings, including the old wooden buildings, had steps. Some had at least 6 steps. The school's reaction at first was to say, "It can't be done, it will cost to much to bring in these changes for just one student," and to then DO NOTHING about making enquiries and at least finding out how much it would cost, how long it would take and who would pay for it. So instead of using the time they had, they chose the ostrich approach/ A year later with six months to go, the parents contacted the school again. When would construction of the ramps begin? The school reacted with "Oh, you were serious?" and went into panic mode, trying to get things organised because by this stage the parents were beginning to use words like "discrimination" and "lawyer". It was funny - I had the principal and a couple of the teachers crying on my shoulder on one side, and the parents on the other, all complaining about it. I finally pointed out to the school - the law was requiring ALL new buildings to have disabled access and by doing it this way, the school was getting the Federal Government to pay for it and not having to run interminable cake stalls to do it. It was also about this time that I told the school that they were behaving, as an organisation, like an individual with autism - especially with regard to trying to be obstructive purely out of fear of change. End result - the school bit the bullet and began the changes. In the meantime they had to relocate the kindergarten classroom to the building easiest to modify. By the time the little girl was in 1st grade the two-storey admin building had ramps, something for which I am VERY grateful. And so are many other non-disabled people especially the delivery guys with trolleys of paper reams. They are nice people - they just don't like confrontation and they don't like change. You just have to recognise this but keep needling them to make it clear that you and the problem are NOT going away quietly; if it wasn't you complaining or forcing an issue, it would be someone far less polite. You are doing great and I think your difficult child has a gem of a mother. On the subject of what is in difficult child's future - I have just spent a few hours talking to difficult child 3's godmother about him and where he is now - when he was in Grade 3, he felt like your difficult child does now. He was a real concern and when he recalls it then he also recalls just how depressed he was. But with his current therapist and psychologist, they have been asking him the various assessment questions - "In the last month, how many times did you feel worthless, did you feel you hate yourself, etc?" - and difficult child 3's reaction has been an amused, "YOu are joking - never, of course!" We've turned it around. difficult child 3 now knows he was treated badly, treated wrongly and is scathing about not only the kids who bullied him but also the teachers who failed to keep him safe and didn't give him the courtesy of listening to his fears and complaints. Despite this, he still greets old teachers (and even old bullies no longer bullying him) with genuine warmth. Not only is he "comfortable in his own skin" he is far more forgiving than a lot of people deserve. What has done this - by using "Explosive Child" on him we are showing him respect, to teach him respect. And the first person he needs to respect and value is himself. When he sees us respecting him and also each other, he learns that he is worthy of this as well. It has empowered him, helped him KNOW he is valued and secondary to this he has learned that he is talented, capable, smart and therefore does not need to take on board anything nasty anyone says to him. He's also learned, as he sees us fight for his rights, that he HAS rights and they are worth fighting for. By doing it the way you are - with an air of generosity and cooperation - he is learning by our example, again, how to appropriately resolve conflict. So many valuable lessons that can be taught, all the while that you are just trying to help your child! I think you are doing great - keep your resolve up, keep doing what you are doing. Oh, and a quick footnote - I haven't had the chance to share this titbit with husband yet - the friend I've just visited (difficult child 3's godmother) is also good friends with difficult child 3's old kindergarten teacher who has perhaps been the best advocate difficult child 3 had at our local school (it went downhill from kindergarten!). Apparently there was a staff meeting at the school discussing a difficult child who at that time not only didn't have a diagnosis they felt fitted but who also desperately needed more support and services than the school staff were able to access. The K teacher apparently spoke up and pounded the desk. "We need someone other than staff to be an advocate for this child and parents," said the K teacher. "What we need is another Marg!" I'm flattered. And I really would love to know the reaction of some of the other staff present - I'm betting they were choking on their coffee! Marg [/QUOTE]
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