Sharon, in my humble opinion you need another body, as often as possible (think the PCAs that Linda had with- kt). I'm talking 4 hrs/day, 5 days/week. Since you can ask for anything, I think you really need to go for it. You and husband spend *so* much time running interference with- difficult child... I would definitely waive that wand and get someone in there, trained to work with- difficult children, to help take some of the pressure off of you guys. At one point, thank you was supposed to be getting "respite". Down here it was more of a mentoring thing, several days a week with a trained person who could come and take thank you out to ... wherever - library, local putt-putt golf, local rec. center, etc.
I think recreational opportunities would be really good for difficult child too - 1:1 kind of stuff. Down here we have a kind of cooperative group of county/village recreational programs that have come together to provide recreational programs for special needs populations. When thank you had the grant, I would occasionally attend the parent meetings every other month. The group had gotten a recreational program to come in and provide programming for difficult children during the meeting. If there is any type of special needs rec. groups up there, I think it would be really good for difficult child.
Basically, I would expand on the social skills group idea. I never did see a decent "social skills" program with- thank you. It was all kind of nebulous and once thank you was in self-contained, it was also pretty self-defeating - how you can work on appropriate social skills when you are only working with- difficult children? I think opportunities to interact in the community, *not* in the school setting (swimming classes, rec classes, art classes, boy scouts, go wild with ideas) have a better chance of success and actual implementation.
Again thinking of Linda's services, I think an Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker would be good too. difficult child is 12 - I cannot begin to tell you how quickly these next few years are going to fly by. Having someone besides you work with- him on public transportation (if you have it), basic shopping skills (making change, ordering at a fast food joint, buying the right size of shoes).... just getting him out there in the world without you and husband. I think it might be a tremendous opportunity for him to start learning those life skills that some of our difficult children struggle so with, as well as giving him the opportunity at least to start doing some functional things and having success. How 'bout a cooking class? What kind of programs does the Y offer? If you could get a body to accompany him to those types of activities, that would be wonderful.
What is difficult child interested in? Are there therapeutic horseback riding programs up there? Is he into animals? What about volunteering somewhere - Humane Society, nursing home, whatever. I know that may seem like a stretch... but you have that wand, right?
I guess I would probably go for options that would provide difficult child with maximal time outside the home because I think our kids sometimes get so ... buried, underneath the school and the therapy and the psychiatrists and the parents. Not that those aren't necessary, but I think our kids end up really isolated and don't even get a chance to see the bigger picture of the life that awaits them. And none of those settings ever gave thank you the opportunity to succeed, really. I think he's just now starting to see that there are possibilities, that he can make of it what he will. All of the people involved in his life up to this point *telling* him that didn't make an impact. I think by being on his own (as hairy as it's been) is what has finally opened his eyes (maybe, LOL).
I hope that makes sense. I'd look way outside the box to find activities that would give difficult child the opportunity to have a positive experience, be independent (from teachers/parents/doctors at least), and give him a wider view of the world.
