Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Mail, mail, mail!!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 414278" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Oh- there was no way I was going to send him names and numbers. I wrote him back yesterday and agreed with him that the family is not normal or healthy and that it was that way long before I was a young child, my therapy in my ealy 20's had helped me see that, and there was no way I could fix it- I had wanted better for him and that's why I'd kept close tabs on the extended family's influence over him. But I had wanted him to know them, until they pulled the stuff they did when he started showing signs of difficulties at 11 yo and now- I will never forgive them. So, no, I will not send contact info. Also, I clarified that I am not saying he isn't welcome in my home or can never live with me again but due to the situation and our need to work thru some things before there is a comfort level again, living together that is, and given what he'd written in the previous letter about refusing to live with me if I didn't trust him right now, I had asked PO to look for a transitional placement- not a "permanent" placement where he'd never be allowed to visit or return to me. I'm not signing over custody. I owe him about $350 that he had in a student acct. and I told him I'd pay for the sprinkler head out of that. The rest will go to restitution he/we still owe for actions he committeed a few years ago- they had totalled nearly $4000 then he tore up a computer at school 3 years ago and that was nearly $900. When he was on probation, that PO of course, held me accountable for payments. Now, since Department of Juvenile Justice incarceration, parole officers hold difficult child accountable. He can't pay on it while incarcerated but will have to pay toward any remaining balance once released. I paid for the computer at school when it happened so they wouldn't ask the judge for the harshest punishment. I have paid a little over half of the nearly $4000- I think there is about $1750 left on it. I'd imagine that if I didn't pay for the sprinkler head, they would just add that to the rest of what he owes when he's released. I will pay for it though, with the money I owe him instead of opening him another bank acct and him haviing some spending money for clothes and stuff upon his release. I am paying CS to Department of Juvenile Justice via dss so things like this help when they consider whether or not to send him to a Department of Juvenile Justice group home/ transitional setting, or pull custody from me altogether and turn him over to dss. As long as I keep in contact with him and show that I'm a responsible parent, it helps.</p><p></p><p>difficult child just needs to learn that "threatening" to emotionally leave me or refuse to live with me or refuse to get himself out of this system is no longer going to work with me. I want him to realize that it's his life- I can't live it for him. Destroying his future, while it might break my heart, is out of my control and will only make his life worse but it will never get him back in good graces with me. I'd much prefer for him to figure that out while he's incarcerated this time, or at least when he first gets released again and is still a minor. It's his future and they're his choices. I wrote him that I haven't given up on him and obviously, I'm still here so I'm not abandoning him. And I KNOW he can and will do whatever he sets his mind to, whether I like it or not. So, son, make your choices. His future is no longer up to me. He'd also asked if I would still help financially if he went to college because he still wants to go. I told him I would help as much as I can if he's enrolled in college and putting forth good effort. Also, I'll help him with financial aid forms and such. Then I pointed out that the more money that has to be spent on paying restitution and to commpensaate for property he's damaged, the less money there is for college, clothes, other necessaties, and "fun" money. </p><p></p><p>The way I see it, he's refusing to let me parent him because he's convinced he's ready to make his own choices and be an adult. Now is a real good time for him to figure out how he's going to do that then. And for him to start seeing and feeling the pain first-hand that if he damages something, it comes off him and not me. This is exactly why I just refuse to play CSU's enabling game anymore. After 5 years they still do the same thing although they'll sit there and guarantee to the parent that "if it doesn't work this time, we'll try something else". Yeah right- the something else always seems to turn out to be that revolving door. Not this time- not if I can help it.</p><p></p><p>Then- last night my darn commputer died and wouldn't even turn on. I'd been saving money for new tires on the car which I'll have to have within the next couple of months, at the latest. I gave myself a budget, went to wally world for groceries, pet supplies, hair cut and new laptop. I thought I was going to have to blow my budget to get something I could live with for the next 2-3 years, then I saw2 one last HP laptop that was on clearance and marked down almost 30% so I snatched it up!!</p><p></p><p>Now, how do I find the link or whatever to download that free office software that is compatible with word? And I can figure out how to get the adobe reader for pdf files but don't remeber how I ended up being able to save from that office format to a pdf file. Anyone know??</p><p></p><p>Oh- to clarify- when I went back and read difficult child's letter a 2nd time, it was clear that he wanted all contact names & numbers of each person in the extended family so he could contact them all and try to get them to let him live with them when he gets released so he wouldn't have to go to a group home.</p><p></p><p>Now I don't want my son going to a ggroup home really and I possibly could make a turn in that area, howver, right now I just don't see how on earth we can be where we need to be by the time he gets released in order for me to feel comfortable going to sleep at night with him in the same house. I didn't tell him there was a chance I could change my mind though. That would have just been an invitation for more manipulation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 414278, member: 3699"] Oh- there was no way I was going to send him names and numbers. I wrote him back yesterday and agreed with him that the family is not normal or healthy and that it was that way long before I was a young child, my therapy in my ealy 20's had helped me see that, and there was no way I could fix it- I had wanted better for him and that's why I'd kept close tabs on the extended family's influence over him. But I had wanted him to know them, until they pulled the stuff they did when he started showing signs of difficulties at 11 yo and now- I will never forgive them. So, no, I will not send contact info. Also, I clarified that I am not saying he isn't welcome in my home or can never live with me again but due to the situation and our need to work thru some things before there is a comfort level again, living together that is, and given what he'd written in the previous letter about refusing to live with me if I didn't trust him right now, I had asked PO to look for a transitional placement- not a "permanent" placement where he'd never be allowed to visit or return to me. I'm not signing over custody. I owe him about $350 that he had in a student acct. and I told him I'd pay for the sprinkler head out of that. The rest will go to restitution he/we still owe for actions he committeed a few years ago- they had totalled nearly $4000 then he tore up a computer at school 3 years ago and that was nearly $900. When he was on probation, that PO of course, held me accountable for payments. Now, since Department of Juvenile Justice incarceration, parole officers hold difficult child accountable. He can't pay on it while incarcerated but will have to pay toward any remaining balance once released. I paid for the computer at school when it happened so they wouldn't ask the judge for the harshest punishment. I have paid a little over half of the nearly $4000- I think there is about $1750 left on it. I'd imagine that if I didn't pay for the sprinkler head, they would just add that to the rest of what he owes when he's released. I will pay for it though, with the money I owe him instead of opening him another bank acct and him haviing some spending money for clothes and stuff upon his release. I am paying CS to Department of Juvenile Justice via dss so things like this help when they consider whether or not to send him to a Department of Juvenile Justice group home/ transitional setting, or pull custody from me altogether and turn him over to dss. As long as I keep in contact with him and show that I'm a responsible parent, it helps. difficult child just needs to learn that "threatening" to emotionally leave me or refuse to live with me or refuse to get himself out of this system is no longer going to work with me. I want him to realize that it's his life- I can't live it for him. Destroying his future, while it might break my heart, is out of my control and will only make his life worse but it will never get him back in good graces with me. I'd much prefer for him to figure that out while he's incarcerated this time, or at least when he first gets released again and is still a minor. It's his future and they're his choices. I wrote him that I haven't given up on him and obviously, I'm still here so I'm not abandoning him. And I KNOW he can and will do whatever he sets his mind to, whether I like it or not. So, son, make your choices. His future is no longer up to me. He'd also asked if I would still help financially if he went to college because he still wants to go. I told him I would help as much as I can if he's enrolled in college and putting forth good effort. Also, I'll help him with financial aid forms and such. Then I pointed out that the more money that has to be spent on paying restitution and to commpensaate for property he's damaged, the less money there is for college, clothes, other necessaties, and "fun" money. The way I see it, he's refusing to let me parent him because he's convinced he's ready to make his own choices and be an adult. Now is a real good time for him to figure out how he's going to do that then. And for him to start seeing and feeling the pain first-hand that if he damages something, it comes off him and not me. This is exactly why I just refuse to play CSU's enabling game anymore. After 5 years they still do the same thing although they'll sit there and guarantee to the parent that "if it doesn't work this time, we'll try something else". Yeah right- the something else always seems to turn out to be that revolving door. Not this time- not if I can help it. Then- last night my darn commputer died and wouldn't even turn on. I'd been saving money for new tires on the car which I'll have to have within the next couple of months, at the latest. I gave myself a budget, went to wally world for groceries, pet supplies, hair cut and new laptop. I thought I was going to have to blow my budget to get something I could live with for the next 2-3 years, then I saw2 one last HP laptop that was on clearance and marked down almost 30% so I snatched it up!! Now, how do I find the link or whatever to download that free office software that is compatible with word? And I can figure out how to get the adobe reader for pdf files but don't remeber how I ended up being able to save from that office format to a pdf file. Anyone know?? Oh- to clarify- when I went back and read difficult child's letter a 2nd time, it was clear that he wanted all contact names & numbers of each person in the extended family so he could contact them all and try to get them to let him live with them when he gets released so he wouldn't have to go to a group home. Now I don't want my son going to a ggroup home really and I possibly could make a turn in that area, howver, right now I just don't see how on earth we can be where we need to be by the time he gets released in order for me to feel comfortable going to sleep at night with him in the same house. I didn't tell him there was a chance I could change my mind though. That would have just been an invitation for more manipulation. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Mail, mail, mail!!!
Top